By Cory Doctorow at 12:31 am Sun, Dec 7, 2008
Hierarchy of Beards Print,
Hierarchy of Beards -- large image
Huh. I have an almost perfect comic-con. It’s just not square at the bottom.
Would have been more interesting if it included all the (often incredibly silly) real-life names for beard styles that already exist. Like mutton-chops…
Thanks, I needed that to make sense of what growingly happened to me for a few months now.
If the Friendly Mutton Chops are absent, this cannot be considered a true hierarchy of facial hair.
Good to see my flapwings dominate! Bwahahaha!
Heehee, they included the Hyneman (4th row, 2nd from the left)
Great names: Flapwings, Claus-esque, Maltese, etc.,.
“lose your keys” -HA!
It has to be said, beards.org
I wonder how many of these you could find on the site.
My own – http://www.beards.org/images/displayimage.php?album=48&pos=4
My old roommate’s – http://www.beards.org/images/displayimage.php?album=48&pos=11
You may also be interested in “Beards in Battle,” a reproduction of Civil War tobacco cards.
My wife made nearly the exact same print about mustaches a little over a year ago. Literally, almost the same layout with the scroll thing underneath the portraits. She just sold hers locally, never put it online. It just amazes me how alike people think.
Aw, rats! I wish I’d seen this a year ago – I did a presentation for my Social Psych of Attitudes class on mens’ facial hair.
i have to be a wet blanket, but some of these are clearly MUSTACHE styles, (e.g., sans beard.)
I guess Che GuevaraÂ´s would be somewhere in between chilly chin and wilted cigar
How could Che Guevara have anything other than a Douche?
Frank, no, there are true beards there as well. The one that caught my attention is the Hyneman, an obvious reference to one of the hosts of Mythbusters.
piff! call THAT a beard?
Puts one in mind of the old Soviet poster of their great leaders (and this Chinese version, known affectionately to foreign diplomats as “The History of Shaving”.
Now I know what mine is called!
Related, an old friend did a series of portraits called “Beards: Portraits of Confederate Generals, Zionist Leaders and Enemies of the State.”
Unfortunately her website is all flash, so I can’t link direction, but if you click on Artwork and then Beards, you can see some examples of her work.
They left off my prized soul-patch, aka “chin-spinach”.
A reporter in China realized that the Chinese have trouble telling westerners apart just as westerners have trouble telling the Chinese apart. Pointing at a poster showing Marx, Lenin, Stalin, and Mao he asked who were those men>? The reply was, “We call that poster the history of shaving.”
Honestly? I’m shocked no one has mentioned the Douche yet. Below the Wilted Cigar and above the Standard Cop. Hilarious!
and the segue into
also, no Hide-a-cat?
I love Wondermark!
My favorite is Douche..
Greetings from Lithuania
There’s a similar page in Lord Breaulove Swells Whimsy’s The Affected Provincial’s Companion (a little book that’s a must for lovers of fine typography, ornate anachronism and high dandyism).
I am the proud owner of a near-perfect Claus-esque. It is especially handy this time of year, as it makes me very popular around young children and young adult women. :)
We at the American Mustache Institute (http://www.americanmustacheinstitute.org/) believe beards to be disturbing as they are inferior forms of facial hair constituting the â€œspousal compromise.â€ This is the half-way meeting point between the utter weakness of the clean-shaven mortal and the sheer power of the mustached American. It’s where oneâ€™s spouse suggests that weak middle ground as an alternative to the power of the Labia Sebucula (Latin for “Lip Sweater”).
I beg to differ. Real men don’t shave at all. They proudly wear their facial hair as Almighty God intended – full and unkempt.
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