Hierarchy of Beards: the evolutionary history of face-fur


33 Responses to “Hierarchy of Beards: the evolutionary history of face-fur”

  1. Mary McKinney says:

    Great names: Flapwings, Claus-esque, Maltese, etc.,.

  2. normd says:

    “lose your keys” -HA!

  3. geopet says:

    Honestly? I’m shocked no one has mentioned the Douche yet. Below the Wilted Cigar and above the Standard Cop. Hilarious!

  4. chetspartan says:

    It has to be said, beards.org

    I wonder how many of these you could find on the site.

    My own – http://www.beards.org/images/displayimage.php?album=48&pos=4

    My old roommate’s – http://www.beards.org/images/displayimage.php?album=48&pos=11

  5. Takuan says:

    also, no Hide-a-cat?

  6. me3dia says:

    You may also be interested in “Beards in Battle,” a reproduction of Civil War tobacco cards.

  7. DarthTurducken says:

    I love Wondermark!

  8. tanner says:

    My wife made nearly the exact same print about mustaches a little over a year ago. Literally, almost the same layout with the scroll thing underneath the portraits. She just sold hers locally, never put it online. It just amazes me how alike people think.

  9. Anonymous says:

    Aw, rats! I wish I’d seen this a year ago – I did a presentation for my Social Psych of Attitudes class on mens’ facial hair.

  10. franko says:

    i have to be a wet blanket, but some of these are clearly MUSTACHE styles, (e.g., sans beard.)

  11. airship says:

    I beg to differ. Real men don’t shave at all. They proudly wear their facial hair as Almighty God intended – full and unkempt.

  12. Chicchan says:


    I guess Che Guevara´s would be somewhere in between chilly chin and wilted cigar

  13. demidan says:

    How could Che Guevara have anything other than a Douche?

  14. Bob says:

    Frank, no, there are true beards there as well. The one that caught my attention is the Hyneman, an obvious reference to one of the hosts of Mythbusters.

  15. MajorD says:

    Puts one in mind of the old Soviet poster of their great leaders (and this Chinese version, known affectionately to foreign diplomats as “The History of Shaving”.

  16. Anonymous says:

    My favorite is Douche..

    Greetings from Lithuania

  17. k012957 says:


    Now I know what mine is called!

  18. Micah says:

    Related, an old friend did a series of portraits called “Beards: Portraits of Confederate Generals, Zionist Leaders and Enemies of the State.”

    Unfortunately her website is all flash, so I can’t link direction, but if you click on Artwork and then Beards, you can see some examples of her work.

  19. acb says:

    There’s a similar page in Lord Breaulove Swells Whimsy’s The Affected Provincial’s Companion (a little book that’s a must for lovers of fine typography, ornate anachronism and high dandyism).

  20. Pope Ratzo says:

    They left off my prized soul-patch, aka “chin-spinach”.

  21. Roy Trumbull says:

    A reporter in China realized that the Chinese have trouble telling westerners apart just as westerners have trouble telling the Chinese apart. Pointing at a poster showing Marx, Lenin, Stalin, and Mao he asked who were those men>? The reply was, “We call that poster the history of shaving.”

  22. airship says:

    I am the proud owner of a near-perfect Claus-esque. It is especially handy this time of year, as it makes me very popular around young children and young adult women. :)

  23. Daemon says:

    Huh. I have an almost perfect comic-con. It’s just not square at the bottom.

    Would have been more interesting if it included all the (often incredibly silly) real-life names for beard styles that already exist. Like mutton-chops…

  24. IamInnocent says:

    Thanks, I needed that to make sense of what growingly happened to me for a few months now.

  25. Anonymous says:

    If the Friendly Mutton Chops are absent, this cannot be considered a true hierarchy of facial hair.

  26. DrAbeFroman says:

    We at the American Mustache Institute (http://www.americanmustacheinstitute.org/) believe beards to be disturbing as they are inferior forms of facial hair constituting the “spousal compromise.” This is the half-way meeting point between the utter weakness of the clean-shaven mortal and the sheer power of the mustached American. It’s where one’s spouse suggests that weak middle ground as an alternative to the power of the Labia Sebucula (Latin for “Lip Sweater”).

  27. andygates says:

    Good to see my flapwings dominate! Bwahahaha!

  28. Anonymous says:

    Heehee, they included the Hyneman (4th row, 2nd from the left)

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