Accused Florida man says his cat downloaded child porn, not him.


88 Responses to “Accused Florida man says his cat downloaded child porn, not him.”

  1. Anonymous says:

    this is all too funny.

  2. Ugly Canuck says:

    So…how does this police/Judicial action protect a single child?
    Or is it just put the fear into downloaders of porn of all kinds? And to give policemen jobs surfing the Net for dirty pictures?
    What’s this guy guilty of again? Looking at bad pictures? Shouldn’t the creators of the bad pictures be the ones charged and in jail?
    Or is he being punished rather for his wicked thoughts: to appease the self-righteous, who would now like to literally take this guy’s life, for daring to download and look at such horrible images?
    Or was this guy clicking into a “police honeypot”? Good that the cops are immune to the influence of this material, eh?

  3. truballer2 says:

    i laughed when i read this lol. how can he blame the cat

  4. Anonymous says:

    1000 images? Sheesh. You’d think the cat would at least delete them when he finished with them. That’s cats for you. No respect for other people’s disc space.

  5. Crispy Critter says:


    I’d be more worried about my cat emptying my bank account to buy more cat toys… especially after discovering his stash of stolen jewelry.

  6. hicks says:

    Play him off, keyboard cat.

  7. angusm says:

    Griffin’s unlikely tale acquired a fraction more credibility Friday, when detectives admitted that they had initially discovered the child porn while responding to a 911 call.

    “The caller didn’t say anything, just made this kind of high-pitched squeaking, crying noise. We figured whoever it was must be hurt bad, so we high-tailed it over there and broke the door to get in. That was when we saw the computer turned on, with all those pictures on the screen.” said the investigating officer.

    When pressed, the detective admitted that the sound reported by the 911 operator could be described as “a sort of miaowing”, and spoke of his surprise at seeing unusual quantities of orange fur on the keyboard and telephone.

    Reports that a shakily printed note reading “I told you there’d be trouble if you bought me the cheap catfood again” was discovered at the scene could not be confirmed at press time.

  8. bjacques says:

    Okay, maybe the first one or two, but *ten*?

  9. Anonymous says:

    In the cat’s defense, a seven year old is a middle aged adult by cat standards.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Wow, Keyboard Cat has turned evil.

  11. Anonymous says:

    If you’re responsible for your dog attacking someone, you should be responsible for your cat downloading kiddie porn!

  12. nlfast says:

    It’s so funny,but this world is a random world,so a monkey can write a Shakespeare’s novel if it can type in keyword for enough long time,maybe a cat can download too:-)

  13. Anonymous says:

    This doesn’t surprise me. My cat used to visit aol chat rooms, and pretend to be a dog.

    He’d talk about chasing sticks, barking at mailmen, going walkies, leashes and collars, then all of a sudden he’d shiver, then jump away from the computer, run to the opposite corner of the room, and lick himself.

    Other than that, he was a well-behaved feline.

  14. jfrancis says:

    Oh, Toonces!

  15. Anonymous says:

    OMG!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA This is good. Now I know the purpose of weird people. To keep us entertained. Them darned pussies can’t keep their paws to themselves (I mean the cat)

  16. Anonymous says:

    don’t look at child pornography. you will be jail, too.

  17. Anonymous says:

    i am a cat so stfu

  18. Anonymous says:

    ya know.., my cat tried to kill me once by tripping me while my hands were full. Cracked my skull on the edge of a dresser. Literally cracked my skull. Wouldn’t surprise me if one tried to set somebody up with a porn rap. Or maybe the guy is scum and must be destroyed. By the way jfrancis, love the Toonces reference. guess he’s a better hacker than a driver…

  19. Anonymous says:

    Ha, only too well do I know his story. I found my cat calling the cops with “kiddie” porn downloaded onto my computer. Luckily I reformatted my computer, and sold my cat before the cops came. Twas close.

    Note: *This information might not be factual*

  20. Anonymous says:

    mdh cracked me up

  21. mdh says:

    Wow. Good job, MDH.

    um, try the veal?

  22. SteveKiwi says:

    And the downloading stopped while he was in jail because that darn cat was trying to frame him.

  23. Anonymous says:

    Kiddie porn might get this guy off but I don’t think “the cat did it” defense is going to.

  24. Anonymous says:

    Please believe me this cat is not a cat it is a…

  25. Anonymous says:

    He is jail.

  26. Anonymous says:

    Damn ‘Kitty Porn’!

  27. Anonymous says:

    >He is jail
    O_O omg

  28. Anonymous says:

    Play him off keyboard cat

  29. Anonymous says:

    His car roams free? Ouch. Somebody adopt that cat. But keep him away from the computer.

    Downloading kitty purrin’ is a little fur-fetched, but my GF’s cat had a habit of walking on her computer’s keyboard, and he once managed to delete the desktop icon for her email program. She was overseas at the time, and had no idea how to start the program without the icon. She ended up calling me long distance in the middle of the night to ask how to get her email icon back.

  30. simonbarsinister says:


  31. V says:

    The trouble is, you have to catch the cat in the act and get them with the spray bottle right when they’re downloading the pron, or else they’ll never learn.

  32. Anonymous says:

    the cat was just looking for kitty porn.

  33. IWood says:

    zbzvx gghghy ipo 76767 ggggggggggggggggggg f

  34. Anonymous says:

    I believe the cat did it >:D


  35. Anonymous says:

    Steve Martin saw it coming:

    “How many people have cats? One, two, three, four…okay, ten. Now- let me ask you this…do ya trust ‘em? Because I’ve gotta get a pair of cat handcuffs and I gotta get ‘em right away. Just the little ones that go around the little front paws or maybe the manacles..four, to get all four paws. But what a drag; I found out my cat was embezzling from me. You think you know a cat for ten years, he pulls something like this. I found out that while I was away, he would go out to the mailbox, pick up the checks, take ‘em down to the bank and cash ‘em… disguised as me. He had the little kitty arrow through the head…and the little kitty bunny ears. And I wouldn’t have caught him, but I went out to his house where he sleeps…and there was about $3,000 worth of cat toys out there. Any you can’t return ‘em ’cause they have spit all over them! So now I’m stuck with $3000 worth of cat toys! Oh, sure…they’re fun. You got the little rubber mouse; has a bell inside of it- Haw haw haw! Boy, I hate it when it goes under the sofa! Whoa, gimme that! Gimme that! Hiss! hiss!”

  36. Anonymous says:


  37. sobreiro says:

    Set him up, Keyboard Cat!

  38. Snig says:

    I’m guessing the cat’s version of the story is that the guy taped one too many pieces of bacon on him, and the cat finally snapped.

  39. SkullHyphy says:

    You know, if you give a hundred monkeys a hundred computers and infinite time they will eventually download child porn.

  40. mdh says:

    33 comments and not a single pussy joke.

    7, actually.

  41. Anonymous says:

    I can’t help thinking how awful this would be if he was telling the truth.

    cats, don’t trust them!

  42. Oren Beck says:

    If he’s guilty? Then perhaps his never seeing daylight again would be a Very Deserved Thing. If not? then we may end up asking:
    “How do we balance child protection against maintaining the rule of justice?

    I thought we needed some combination of evidence/probable cause and human testimony to the provenance of the evidence to even issue a warrant,let alone file charges. And not trivial circumstantial stuff either! This guy may be either guiltier than sin itself or merely a victim of malware+delusional psychosis about his cat. Yet it raises an intersecting set of lines needing investigation. What’s the prevalance of “drop bucket” malwares that have a payload including illegal images? And is there a forensic data validation method to prove witting intent of downloading what is alleged? As otherwise the case gets reduced to the dubious status of “It’s there-you are going to jail. Even if we can’t prove you knew of it, or that you put it there…
    Here is where we enter the Kafka zone. And arguably, setting that high of a bond for what may end up being a malware case is worthy of invoking Kafka indeed.

  43. Anonymous says:

    is this kitty porn or kiddie porn either put him away for a long time if only because that’s the best story(lie) he could come up with

  44. ruffianangelina says:

    who knew the animals were the ones insinuating the bestiality? :|

  45. Anonymous says:


  46. Anonymous says:

    It is horrible that the human race shares DNA with it.

  47. Anonymous says:

    Well, ain’t that the “Cat’s Me-yow”?

    My cat tried to delete the “C” drive and came one “Warning, this may destabilize your computer” click away.

    Lucky for me she hates kittens. Hmm… She does like human children, but only to use them to open doors and get food for her.

  48. minTphresh says:

    Hal E. Loooyah! and floriduh makes the news once again! i said it once, and i’ll say it again: nobody does stupid like floriduh!

  49. Anonymous says:

    “he is jail”

    I highly doubt it.

  50. mdh says:

    To bad the cat can’t spell, kitty pr0n is usually legal.

  51. sycorax says:

    I once went to bed with my laptop open on my desk, and woke the next morning to find that my cat (whom I found sleeping on the keyboard) had managed to download AOL and register a screen name.

  52. Anonymous says:

    I are his catz… Yesssss… I admits it… i downloads all the child pron… that is because he nevers let me have my pussy cats to stays in my bedrooms… and he nevers feeds me when i are hungrys…

  53. Anonymous says:

    Wat a crok of shit everyone knows cats cant do that……. Only dogs can

  54. Anonymous says:

    cats would like kitten pornography, not human

  55. Anonymous says:

    you cant trust cats

  56. Anonymous says:

    My cat used to get into my wallet, take my money, and go play pool all night so I can believe it of them. Also, I am pretty sure that whoever was in the images that they were not minors – at least not in cat years.

  57. ackpht says:

    In jail Mr. Griffin has meals and a place to sleep. Hopefully someone thought to provide the cat with same.

  58. Anonymous says:

    you know what, I would get up and get a drink of water or what have you, and find that my cat would have opened notepad (I don’t have shortcuts on my desktop) and tried to tell me something, too bad I can’t read cat.

  59. chris says:

    Yea right.

    I wonder if this defense would work againt RIAA lawsuits?

    No your honor, I did not download “Cat Scratch Fever” illegally, it was my cat!

  60. Anonymous says:

    srry’ i dnt belive the cat excuse but ive run across some pretty perverted stuff while looking for animated porn. I do like the cartoons and now they have the simpsons, family guy and just about every thing else. try clicking on anything likie that and watch the crazy sh!t that starts popping up. it’s hard enough to avoid it when you aren’t looking for porn. i guess the trick is to get the heck away from it as fast as it attacks you and for heavens sake don’t save any of it!

  61. Anonymous says:

    Kitty dropped a dime on the pedophile slime. She’s now in the witness protection program.

  62. zikman says:

    cat 1
    man 0

  63. Anonymous says:

    “He is jail”?

    I guess he accidentally the whole thing.

  64. Anonymous says:

    “To bad the cat can’t spell” — Wow. Good job, MDH.

  65. aldasin says:

    In his defense, I’ve known cats that would do this if they could, just to make trouble.

  66. Mr_Voodoo says:

    Wow. 33 comments and not a single pussy joke.

  67. Anonymous says:

    he is jail?

  68. Itsumishi says:

    Ugly Canuck your trolling is getting tiresome.

    Or is it just put the fear into downloaders of porn of all kinds?

    No, illegal child pornography and regular porn are two drastically different things, although there is an awful lot of legal porn that unfortunately derives from the same thing (preying on and abusing desperate people).

    You talk about this man having his life taken away, talk to a child that has been the victim of the sort of abuse that comes from an ‘industry’ of child pornography.

    That’s not living, that is hell on earth.

    On a lighter note, my cat once nearly killed my cousin. (ok well maybe not too much lighter, but definitely more amusing).

    He was staying the night at a currently very busy share house where I was living. The only spot left for a bed was a mattress in the lounge room that was pushed right up to the mantelpiece.

    Sitting on top of this mantel was a fairly hefty bronze statue of a bulls head. In the morning when Alvin (the cat) decided he was pretty hungry he jumped on top of the mantel and started pushing things off (not knocking, pushing with his paw as he looked at you until you woke up, this was a regular occurrence).

    Anywho, he pushed a few things off and my cousin didn’t wake up then he pushed the Bull statue off.

    My cousin woke to the bull statue hitting his pillow horn down just inches from his face.

    I can’t imagine how much less funny that story would have been had the statue landed on his head as I’m sure it would have either killed him or left him in hospital for some time.

  69. Anonymous says:

    he is jail? i hope gets what’s coming to him…just wow…

  70. Anonymous says:

    He should film the cat masturbating to the porn and show it to the jury in his defense.

  71. Anonymous says:

    maybe it was a lolcat trying to download kitty porn?

  72. RobertSeattle says:

    Cat was just looking for pu**y.

  73. Anonymous says:

    We live in interesting times.

    The man is “sick”.

    Maybe jail will cure that … but a dollar against a donut bet … it won’t.

    Everyone humoring someone’s sickness is sickness in itself.

  74. hokano says:

    Mr_Voodoo: RobertSeattle got one in way up at #7. Strictly speaking, a pu**y joke but I don’t think he meant putty.

  75. Anonymous says:

    Totally believable…probably looking for KITTY porn and got KIDDY porn. It’s an obviously an honest mistake.

  76. Anonymous says:

    Where’s the cat? Is he on purr-ole?

  77. Anonymous says:

    He stole that idea from the EULA-accepting cat.

  78. GuidoDavid says:

    Damn, I thought that cats walking on your keyboard only gave you superpowers. Now I know they can download kiddy porn too. Wow, really amazing animals…

  79. Anonymous says:

    Somebody hit I Can Has Cheezburger with this, quick.

  80. Anonymous says:

    “He is jail”

  81. hokano says:

    This is what comes of being too stingy with the cheezburgers.

  82. Anonymous says:

    cat is the culprit…………the man is innocent….justive shuld b served

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