God tells man to microwave alarm clock and shoot up hotel room

A 53-year-old Michigan man surrendered to police after shooting up a hotel room and putting the alarm clock in the microwave, according to the Associated Press. He left this note: God delivered me from evil and placed me in Albion, Michigan."

• [MrsBug]

  Heck, I’ve been to Albion and I can tell you it’s not paradise. Not bad…..just not paradise.

  • [cymk]

    True, but for him it might be a vast improvement on his Dearborn Heights residence. As for tossing the alarm clock in the microwave (which I admit does sound like a good idea some mornings), I can only assume he ran out of bullets after shooting up the hotel room.

    • [MrsBug]

      Ha! True. I didn’t want to mention his Detroit affiliation. I was wondering if the alarm clock was the voice of Satan to him. I know some mornings that’s what it feels like to me.

      • [cymk]

        I wouldn’t automatically count Dearborn Heights as part of detroit proper, but part of the metro area (yea, I’m being picky). The wikipedia page for dearborn heights calls it a “bedroom community” or “commuter town,” (ie: primarily a residential community). Its got a $48k median income per household, as opposed to Detroit’s $29k median income per household; dearborn heights cant be all that bad, can it?

        Personally I can’t say, I have driven through the area, but never stayed long enough to get to know it.

• [VICTOR JIMENEZ]

  Headlines I would love to read or see on TV:

  “God seems to be involved in more shootings than video-games or roleplaying games: Should we ban it?”
  “Is God turning our younglings into killing machines?”
  “Tonight: God may be related to arms trafficking”
  “God found in a dirty hut unabomber style”
  “God found guilty of running an armed hate group”
  “Unicorn involved in shooting in San Diego”

• [efergus3]

  If he was on a mission for God he was in the wrong place – should have been Chicago.

• [Anonymous]

  And what exactly “shooting up a hotel room” mean? And why did not god tell him to do something useful? Like giving some money to me. (inspired by G. Carlin)

• [albtrssp]

  That God, always saying the craziest shit!

• [querent]

  god was just fucking with him. he likes to see what crazy shit people will actually do when told.

  cue bill hicks, re fossils being a deliberate trick:

  “You don’t have trouble sleeping at night with that thought in your head? The idea that Gooooddddddddd…….might be fucking with our heads?! ‘We’ll see who believes in me now.’”

  I personally don’t trust over half the voices I hear in my head. You may think I’m being cute, but I’m not.

• [Stefan Jones]

  I dunno. Maybe he was just killing time.

• [Anonymous]

  How come god never tells people to help make the bed and vacuum the carpet?

  • [Antinous / Moderator]

    How come god never tells people to help make the bed and vacuum the carpet?

    He does. He speaks through their husbands, who are sometimes referred to as Promise Keepers.