Testicle-hating right-wing moms get steamy over "Schweddy Balls" Ben & Jerry's ice cream


83 Responses to “Testicle-hating right-wing moms get steamy over "Schweddy Balls" Ben & Jerry's ice cream”

  1. snagglepuss says:

    Somebody should just give them some chocolate. That’ll shut their traps.

  2. Brainspore says:

    I’d rather eat “Nut-riffic®,” the ice cream made by Nutzis™.

  3. Huwman says:

    Man, I hope they never hear about “Mother Fukker’s Peanuts”, (allegedly inspired by an old German lady’s recipe.)

  4. Keep an eye out for Ben & Jerry’s next ice cream flavor, “Sandy Snatchez”, inspired by the lovely ladies of the AFA.

  5. grimc says:

    These “OneMillionMoms” need to get their minds out of the gutter. Ben & Jerry’s should sue for defamation.

  6. ilmoesback says:

    ROCK ON BEN & JERRYS…………Schwetty Balls and all the wonderful ICE CREAM THEY CREATE.

  7. needsleep99 says:

    I’m diappointed that the title doesn’t read,”“Schweddy Balls” leave bad taste in One Million Moms mouth”

  8. Ian Wood says:

    And where–WHERE–were these million mommish women when I was picketing Häagen-Dazs, standing alone against their infamous pints of Cock In Ass?NOWHERE, that’s where.Bloody hypocrites.

  9. Xof says:

    I am absolutely certain that Unilever (corporate parent of Ben and Jerry’s) is thinking, “Whatever you do, please do not run around on major talk shows with large audiences talking about our ice cream! Not that! We beg that you stop… uh, in a week. Maybe two. Well, OK, go the whole month if you like.”

  10. herrnichte says:

    damn “teabaggers” always dipping their rightwings in the cream.

    now i’ll just have to buy twice as much Ben&Jerry’s to compensate for their boycottery.

  11. Duncan McPherson says:

    Let ‘em protest it. More ice cream for me, then!

  12. blueelm says:

    I predict an increase in the consumption of schweddy balls.

    Good times.

  13. One little point: If the American Family Association had said nothing at all about this ice cream product, then it would have entered the market and left the market without me ever knowing anything about it.  Now, however, I am going to be on the lookout, and if I see it, I am going to buy it.

    • Brood-X says:

      I’ll bet this is the catch-22 all watch-dog groups encounter frequently when trying to decide what trends to focus resources on.  

  14. anharmyenone says:

    It’s dominionism I tell ‘ya! Will noone stop this theocracy?

  15. Mark Dow says:

    “Well, isn’t that special?!” (The Church Lady)

    And boy cots are not going to solve any schweddy ball problems.

  16. JIMWICh says:

    Their protest letter is much funnier if you imagine it read in Marge Simpson’s voice.

  17. kenvhyt says:

    funny enough, but the idea of eating ice cream with that flavor in mind is disgusting. whoever at b&j thought this was a good idea does have a sense of humor… but is mildly retarded.

    • shannigans says:

      Maybe it’s because I’ve had schweddy balls in my mouth before, but nothing about that name would turn me off this ice cream.  My sense of humor is probably a little more juvenile than yours though.

  18. we_the_people324 says:

    MASB? Mothers against schweddy balls.

  19. Antinous / Moderator says:

    It was 108° here today and I fail to see the humor in this tragedy.

  20. Obviously they haven’t yet realized that the name “Ice Cream” originated in honor of the classic Prince song. Now that’s what I call dirty. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VzXO9GQZBc

  21. Ryan Kittleson says:

    Why does everything have to be so vanilla with them.  (goes to check etymology of the word vanilla…) ohhhh, that’s ironic.

  22. bcsizemo says:

    Isn’t Ben & Jerry’s about a decade+ to late on this?

    I’m 31, sure I know the skit, I saw it as a kid/teen.  But someone who is 18-21 has no idea…which is really sad in a way.

    Next up, can we get a More Cow Bell edition?

    Or my personal favorite Big Red (from the makers of Termite Town):

  23. TooGoodToCheck says:

    Did anybody read the description of what the actual flavor is supposed to be?  “vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum and is loaded with fudge covered rum and milk chocolate malt balls.”

    sweet fancy jesus!  If that tastes half as good as I imagine, then who really cares about the cutesy name.  I mean, it’s chocolate rum balls in ice cream!


  24. Guest says:

    Sounds delicious.  I’ll have two, please.

  25. Michael Leung says:

    Vulgar new flavor? Have they even tried it? It’s delicious.

  26. folkclarinet says:

    Has anyone else read the depth of their hatred in the variety of non-issues they’ve got at their website? I mean, some of it makes sense, like the “stop letting Abercrombie & Fitch sell our 8-y.o. daughters racy clothing” but all of the same-sex relationship hatred has got to stop! :(

  27. bardfinn says:

    So, let me get this straight:

    An offshoot of the AFA — a militant hate group that fears their own bodies and the idea that anyone, anywhere is experiencing pleasure — is saying that they’re going to START boycotting Ben & Jerry’s, a company that celebrates peace, love, understanding, diversity, Woodstock, Jerry Garcia, Phish, Stephen Colbert, and the hedonic goodness of chocolate – ?

    OHNOES THE LOST REVENUES whathefuckever, AMillionMoms, take a fucking course in economics and next time you announce a boycott make sure it’s of something that someone might actually believe you don’t scurry past with eyes averted.

  28. mistwolf says:

    I think boycotts and such are dumb and outrage over stuff like this is dumb.

    I also think the ice cream name is pretty stupid and very juvenile and the announcements just made me roll my eyes and go ‘whatever’.

    Now Phish Food, that’s a flavour I can get behind.

  29. Mister44 says:

    America – where we have it so good people have nothing better to do than bitch about ice cream flavors with innuendo.

  30. laimia says:

    Innocent? Two words: concupiscent curds. http://rpo.library.utoronto.ca/poem/2013.html

  31. GrrrlRomeo says:

    This is the same group that boycotted Ellen when she came out. Now she has a daytime show. Their boycotts aren’t exactly successful in the long run.

    • Rebecca DeLaTorre says:

      Sadly, these people have exerted considerable power over advertisers support of TV shows they dislike like Secret life of an American Teenager, The Cougar, He’s a Lady, Two and a Half Men and many more. There is a list of companies that have cowtowed to their rightwing craziness on their website under their Successes.


  32. skyhawk1 says:

    Maybe they like the salty kind: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lnNYXgV7L-c

  33. Keith Kisser says:

    They should suggest an alternative name. Something with a clean connotation, like that nice former Governor, Rick Santorum. That’s something I’m sure they wouldn’t have a problem with putting in their mouths.

  34. Cowicide says:

    The vulgar new flavor has turned something as innocent as ice cream into something repulsive

    This lady has obviously never tasted my delicious, schweddy balls.

  35. AFA, your vulgar organization has turned something as innocent as American families into something repulsive.

  36. I think what they’re annoyed about is that ‘schweddy balls’ sounds a lot like ‘sweaty balls’. This is obviously offensive to them as they don’t like the idea of eating puns, they’re comedy purists.

  37. erin jones says:

    “The vulgar new flavor has turned something as innocent as ice cream into something repulsive. Not exactly what you want a child asking for at the supermarket.*”
    Actually, I would laugh my ass off if I were in a “supermarket” and heard a kid ask “Hey mister, where are the Schweddy Balls?” It’s classic kid humor that falls perfectly into the category of piss, fart, shit, dick, chocha and asshole jokes. Of course, it’s also an archetypal prank like “Is Mike Cunt there?” 


    * Do kids really run around the ubiquitous, enormous supermarkets and ask for items? Aren’t they usually there against their will, kept close on a tight figurative (or real) leash, while their parents buy boring things like groceries? I mean, sure, I see it in corner stores or bodegas, but I have a feeling these uptight ladies are not commonly found buying stuff in a corner store. I simply cannot imagine any of them enjoying a cold 40oz. on the stoop.

  38. Brie says:

    Fantastic Im getting a couple! Err a pint.

  39. Wait a minute. How can they be moms if…. oh. my. god! That means that ONE MILLION of them have been F*CKING!

    Moms against balls. It’s official, we now live in Southpark.

  40. teapot says:

    I like to drizzle chocolate sauce on my schweddy balls. These mums would fill their mouths with them if only they knew the heavenly flavour!

  41. Max says:

    “The vulgar new flavor has turned something as innocent as ice cream into something repulsive,”  

    The vulgar new intolerance has turned something as innocent as humour into something repulsive to idiots.
    Or something like that.

  42. NatWu says:

    Can a flavor actually be vulgar? I mean, we might say “fuck” is a vulgar expression. Is it also a vulgar flavor? “Don’t eat that fuck, it’s vulgar tasting!” Schweddy Balls is probably not a vulgar flavor. Sweaty balls may be, however, but I’m not trying that one out myself.

    • princeminski says:

      Just being a snob, but I’m thinking that, oh, “Fried Pork Rinds” is a vulgar flavor. Or, perhaps, “Trailer Hitch Chrome.”

  43. penguinchris says:

    Curiosity got the best of me, and I googled “Cock In Ass Ice Cream” – and found this amusingly fitting Wayne’s World quote:

    “Benjamin is nobody’s friend. If Benjamin were an ice cream flavor, he’d be pralines and dick.”

  44. Livi says:

    This calls for an Emergency Re-Branding… call them :

    “Ben & Jerry’s All-American Freedom Balls ”

    That oughta do it.

  45. notasheep says:

    I think these folks are probably simply offended by the fact that half of America even has testicles.

    Million Moms, according to news reports, was previously offended by another B&J flavor, Hubby Hubby, created to honor same-sex marriage.

    Again with the sex hangups. Why, oh, why, can’t the rest of society stop having sex to accommodate these people?

    Oh, and just a note — if this organization really does have one million members, that means 1 of every 150 Americans is a member. That means we should pay proportionately less attention to them than gay people, who may number as many as 30 million.

  46. Michael Franklin says:

    We are the Gladys Kravitz nation. 

    No, forget that. We are the Gladys Kravitz global culture. 

    Futurists of days past saw today as tomorrow and that technology would eventually free us from the mundane and manually intensive labors to pursue more eclectic and philosophical endeavors. But instead, we chose the low road and have devolved into 7 billion renditions of Gladys Kravitz.

    Of course, there is a price to pay when the world is made up almost entirely of nosy busy-bodies who don’t have enough of a life for themselves to worry about what kind of life old Gladys has next door and down the street and in another state or another country…

    Ahem! You get the picture.

    The old notion of live and let live has long since passed away, survived only by an abusive widow who assumes the right to place value on what everyone else is doing and thinking and saying… without so much as a glimpse into the mirror.

    Ice cream flavors? 

    Gladys gets upset because of ice cream flavors and then Gladys next door gets upset over what the first Gladys thinks and then we have this hairball blowing across the vast expanse of cyber space carrying a million Gladys’ all scratching and clawing and biting…

    The human condition is… way overrated but also almost always underestimated, lol!

  47. Brewer_ME says:

    I’m still a little distressed that B&J is renaming Clusterfluff…  

  48. Lobster says:

    Call it whatever you like; that looks delicious.

  49. 666beast1 says:

    “The vulgar new flavor has turned something as innocent as ice cream into something repulsive”
    When did ice cream become innocent?  Look at it’s large doe eyes staring at you inexperienced in the ways of the world.  Here comes a cad wearing a top hat and cape with a long black mustache ready to defile it and tie it to the railroad tracks. Stop, it’s only sweet , sweet vanilla.

  50. Adrian Neill says:

    I used their form to send a letter of support to B&J’s, I consider it an appropriate use of their resources.

  51. Tracy Adams says:

    New T-shirt:



    off my spoon

  52. snoproblem says:

    The Barbara Streisand Effect… is in effect.  I give it less than a month for the flavour to be the #1 seller.

    This latest display of Piety Theatre means these housefraus, with too much time on their hands, have already had their ‘reward’ – biblically speaking.

    All in all, I’d rather have some ice cream.

  53. claude badley says:

    How nice it must be for you that your life is going so well that the name of an ice cream flavor is such a pressing and important problem among the plethora of other issues.

  54. waetherman says:

    Ben, Jerry to Moms: Keep Your Hands Off Our Schweddy Balls!

  55. ill lich says:

    *sigh*  Thanks a lot One Million Moms, you are forcing me to buy this flavor ice cream now, despite the fact that it doesn’t sound like a flavor I would dig.

  56. EliZ says:

    Would not be at all surprised to learn OMM is astroturf. In either case, this flavor name (which I WILL be picking up a pint of simply to offer to lady callers) was obviously intended for just this sort of publicity. So, really, win/win.

  57. leoeris says:

    O.G. Hysterical.

  58. bill hilly says:

    I”m holding out for Camel Toe and Cream

  59. Craig Rubens says:

    You can send a letter from the OneMillionMoms website to Ben & Jerry’s! It’s autofilled with some drivel, but you can edit the text! Feel free to send Ben & Jerry’s some encouraging words via the OneMillionMoms campaign.

  60. It is interesting what provokes the activism of a million moms. The execution of an innocent man in Georgia doesn’t make the cut. What does is an ice cream with the word “balls” in the name. If the million moms wanted the product to fade into obscurity, they should not have directed so much attention to it. I saw word of it a few weeks ago and didn’t care then, tho I thought it was amusing. 

  61. Teller says:

    This is probably Unilever’s best idea since White Beauty, the skin-whitening cream in India. Those AFA gals are boycotting the right company for the wrong reason.

  62. marilove says:

    I think we should all utilize AFA’s handy-dandy little “Take Action and Send a Letter to Mr. Greenwood” campaign, and write Mr. Greenwood to tell him how much you love Ben & Jerry’s and hate the AFA.  It would be high-larious if a flood of favorable letters came in from that site instead of the hate mail that AFA intends. :)

  63. theflusheddotcom says:

    I don’t know if this will work for me lol The glorious taste better make me forget about the name!

  64. finette says:

    I kind of assume they already lost that demographic when they temporarily changed Chubby Hubby to Hubby Hubby (“in support of marriage equality”).

  65. EricT says:

    This doesn’t bode well for Interracial Gang Bang Crunch. 

  66. Sharp says:

    Their intolerance is showing when they mention the “controversial” Chubby Hubby ice cream that celebrates gay marriage.

    • Antinous / Moderator says:

      Their intolerance is showing when they mention the “controversial” Chubby Hubby ice cream that celebrates gay marriage.

      Aren’t hubbies who can get chubbies considered a plus in heterosexual marriages?

  67. Umm…the kids probably wouldn’t even get/understand what “Schweddy Balls” is if people would stop making such a big deal about it. People need to lighten up. It’s just ice cream named after a skit…& the skit isn’t goin’ anywhere…it’s a SNL Classic.

  68. Andrew Bowman says:

    I joined their mailing list so I can send encouraging e-mails to whomever they attack.

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