HOWTO be the number one SF writer in Russia

Practically everyone at the SF Assembly in St Petersburg, Russia was clutching a copy of this humorous board-game from Silvercon.su, which is a kind of Candyland-style game lampooning the dreams of "hot young writers" who yearn to make it big. Some of my hosts were good enough to translate the gameplay for me:

1. You've decided to become a SF writer.
2. You're writing a short story. Miss a move
3. Your mother likes your story very much!
4. You've received a comment "Drink a cup of poison!" on a fan fiction site
5. You've registered a LiveJournal account. Start the game from the beginning.
6. You've written a novel. Five moves forward.
7. You've started saving your small change in order to participate in some con.
8. Your first publication in Orkneys Pixies and Zombies Magazine.
9. Your novel is accepted by the publisher.
10. Your short story is accepted in Asimov's. Make the second move.
11. You're writing a short story for the relatively obscure Internet contest. Miss a move.
12. You must read the 70 short stories of the relatively obscure Internet contest. Miss a move.
13. SF Con. You've chosen the right con and the right hotel and the right room next to George R.R. Martin.
14. Your favourite publishing house has gone bankrupt.
15. The relatively obscure but very demanding Internet critic praised your novel. Make the second move.
16. You've received the proposition to become the ghost writer. Miss a move.
17. Your novel's sales were a disaster. Miss a move.
18. You're writing a new novel. Miss a move.
19. Your novel is published in Russia! And Japan.
20. You're in the middle of the existential crisis. You drink. And drink. And drink.
21. The movie based on your book was made by Uwe Boll.
22. You are the best author of the EuroCon.
23. You're the star of the talk shows and con panels. 20 steps back.
24. You are the SF writer number one in Russia.

• [Eric Riley]

  “21. The movie based on your book was made by Uwe Boll.”  Why does this not put your career in reverse?

  • [Chentzilla]

    Actually, the original text mentions Bekmambetov of Night Watch, Wanted and Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter fame.

    Also, there’s no George Martin in the original. And how in the hell the novel published in Europe equals one published “in Russia! And Japan”. I know that your friends tried to adapt it, but looks like they overshot the goal in some places.

    Also-also, the layout sucks – often it’s not clear which caption corresponds to which circle. The “art” is generic and probably scrapped from the Internet.

    Do you have any more substantial tales from the event, Cory?

  • [lafave]

    https://www.rottentomatoes.com/celebrity/uwe_boll/

    http://www.cinemablend.com/features/Uwe-Boll-Money-For-Nothing-209.html

• [SedanChair]

  Cory! Run into a church and get detained, you’ll be the number 1 writer in no time

• [GuyInMilwaukee]

  Reminds me of the album/board game that came out in the early 80′s by the German band Munju called Brot + Spiele. I had a copy of it and a friend created translated cards and we used to play into late into the night with many drinks imbibed.  Fun days.
  http://www.munjumusic.com/brotundspiele.htm

• [Bernardo Fernandez]

  Huh, I took the liberty to translate it into Spanish: http://monorama.blogspot.mx/2012/08/como-ser-el-mejor-escritor-de-ciencia.html

• [johnrynne]

  In #8, maybe that should be “Orcs” rather than a reference to a Scottish archipelago?