Is this the douchiest press release ever?

Perhaps.

Soutirage poured classic wines at Davos party hosted by Sean Parker

(January 25, 2013—Yountville, CA) —Soutirage, a fine and rare wine retail and lifestyle company that provides wine enthusiasts with the highest possible customer service and bespoke experiences, returned to Davos, Switzerland tonight for a fifth consecutive year to host one of the hottest parties at The World Economic Forum. The team of wine consultants has previously been associated with the annual party thrown by venture capital firm, Accel Partners. This year they were tapped by wunderkind Sean Parker to host an after-hours party, where they poured and educated guests on wines from some of Europe's most reputable producers. John Legend performed, and San Francisco tastemaker Ken Fulk planned the party.

"It was an honor to be invited to Davos again. The world's global leaders in finance and tech came together in one room to relax, mingle and have some fun. We thought it appropriate to showcase wines from classic producers, several of which are ideally mature for drinking," says Soutirage President, Matt Wilson.

Wines poured included Bonneau du Martray Corton-Charlemagne 2007, Château Pape Clément Blanc 2009, Ygrec de Château d'Yquem 2010, Château Cos d'Estournel 1990, Gaja Barbaresco Sorì Tildìn 1998, and Vega Sicilia Único Magnum 1986.

In addition, guests at the party were privy to taste the much-anticipated L'Artisan du Cognac No. 50 Grande Champagne Cognac, an extremely rare single-cask of Cognac from the 1950 vintage from Nicolas Palazzi and Evan Yurman. These single-case artisanal eaux-de-vie are among the most rarified distillates on earth today.

About Soutirage

Soutirage was founded in 2007 by Chadwick Meyer, Aimee Meyer, Matt Wilson and Ashley Wilson, providing a combination of fine and rare wine retail with sommelier concierge services. Soutirage works with individuals and corporations around the world, helping them build, develop and manage collections tailored to fit their specific needs. In the space between, they offer a complete resource from planning and procurement to hosting intimate tastings and international bespoke travel.

###

FOR MORE INFORMATION, PLEASE CONTACT JARVIS COMMUNICATIONS AT 310.313.6374

• [Josh Centers]

  Not sure about douchiest, but possibly the most pretentious.

  • [Xeni Jardin]

    Same, bro.

    • [bumblebeeeeeee]

      you not got a spam button on ya email?

    • [chaopoiesis]

      Douchiness as an off-gassing of flop sweat – here’s the backstory on why Accel didn’t hire them this year:

      http://dealbook.nytimes.com/2013/01/22/at-davos-is-the-party-over/

    • [DevinC]

      I didn’t even reach the end of the italics before I figured your case was made.

  • [L_Mariachi]

    “Douchey” to me connotes more of a Entertainment 720 Axe Body Spray vibe. This here is pretty run-of-the-mill Very Expensive Stuff language.

    • [juepucta]

      well in this case “nouveau riche” and “douchey” are overlapping

  • [Jake0748]

     No. It is douchy to the extreme.  Such douchbaggery should not be allowed.  If congress could pass a law, I’d raise my approval rating from 6% to 7%.

  • [Albie Farinas]

    No…  It’s total pompous “douchebaggery”…   Is that a word…?   

• [bobcorrigan]

  “Bespoke experiences” == “Douchery”

  • [timquinn]

    I was gonna say . . .

  • [manybellsdown]

    How does one “bespeak” travel, anyway?

    • [bobcorrigan]

      You get to go where a) no one else goes, b) where no one else is, and c) where no one can find you when you are abandoned there without your wallet and pants.  It’s quite the scheme.

      • [manybellsdown]

        Suddenly my career options have opened up.

  • [Charlie B]

    “Bespoke” used by a Briton to indicate “custom built” is perfectly normal.

    “Bespoke” used by an American is a very clear indicator of pretentious douchery.

    It may work the other way around, too…  Rob would know.

• [Doran]

  Wunderkind!

  • [Antinous / Moderator]

    I thought that we passed a law against using that.  I guess that they got around it because Switzerland.

• [Dean]

  Breathtaking and audacious in its douchery, but can you actually douche with it? That would be the vinegar test.

  • [Alistair]

    Douching has been proven to be unsanitary. Using expensive cognac would not only be risky, but pretentious as well, unless you are paris hilton, in which case it would be playing at par.

• [timquinn]

  I think ‘bespoke’ is latin for quick handy.

• [Chris Gsell]

  B-b-b-ut a “tastemaker” planned the party. So there.

  • [Antinous / Moderator]

    Tastemakers are so 2007. Now we have gamechangers.

    • [Bottle Imp]

      You say that now, but wait till you meet this zeitgeisty tastmaking gamechanger I know.

      He totally shifted my paradigm.

      • [Nell Anvoid]

        Please. That’s a private matter between you and your gamechanger. Decent people don’t talk publicly about their paradigms shifting.

        • [Brendan]

          My paradigm shifted last Tuesday and I haven’t been able to get it shifted back since.

        • [James Hotelling]

           You’ll want to make sure your “Q-factor” pedal is completely depressed, which should release your Klout knob. If you cannot return the knob to its original position, you may have to take your reputation in to a _____ shop (pronounced “We’re too awesome to bother with a ‘name’”) to have it adjusted. You should already know where the shop is located. Be warned- just looking at their sign costs upwards of $200, and most of the employees are paid specifically not to talk to you.

        • [Chas F Laframboise]

          Buddy can you paradigm? ‘Cuz, y’know.. shift happens!

    • [Jake0748]

       Their names are Dick Hertz and Mike Hunt.

    • [Ian Morgan]

       Gamechangers are so 2012. Now we have changegamers.

      • [Antinous / Moderator]

        Unfortunately, we can’t have changegaymers, because they’re trademarked.

    • [OtherMichael]

      I had an automatic gamechanger. You could stack up to 10 games on there and when one was done, it would switch to the next.

      There was a bit of a risk of scratching the games, but whatevs — it was automatic!

  • [Dominic Muren]

    a SAN FRANCISCO tastemaker no less!!

    • [OtherMichael]

      It’s the San Francisco treat!

• [Sekino]

  I’m picturing Mr Peanut and the Monopoly guy having a party.

  • [Peppermint]

    Scrooge McDuck is very annoyed that he wasn’t invited to this party.

    • [Sekino]

      Yeah but he’s a miser; he only drinks cheap swill.

• [Mark Lyon]

  More douchey: http://blog.bennettandbennett.com/2013/01/peter-a-barone-asshat-prosecutor-of-the-day.html

  • [retchdog]

    Dr. Barone spent 5+ years obtaining his degree and would like to request that during formal court proceedings that you please refer to him by his proper and legal title, that being Dr. Barone.

    as an abd myself, i must say i found that “+” hilarious and perhaps not as flattering as Dr. Barone may think.

    • [Snig]

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bjIH1jdx2_A

• [Mark]

  Butthurt boingboingers weren’t invited to fancy pinky finger party.

  • [eselqueso]

    That would be the douchey way to look at it, yes.

  • [Antinous / Moderator]

    Hey, I’ve partied with a few billionaires, a lot of porn stars and half a dozen people who were on the FBI’s Ten Most Wanted list at one time or another.  Their wealth/ fame/ notoriety/ dick size/ etc. has zero bearing on whether or not hanging out with them is any fun.  And a dull party where they’re pouring Château Lafite is still a dull party.

    • [Mark]

      Sounds like fun and, agreed. Still, I’ll take a boring party with premium old world vintage over no party and no premium old world vintage. Blogging about how douchey a silly press release is however pretty darn dull.

      • [Xeni Jardin]

        Your comments, however, are very exciting! Thank you for posting them.

        • [Mark]

          Touché!

        • [chaopoiesis]

          Wunderkind.

      • [deadbot]

        Mark, I like to mix my wine with cola. You bring the vintage wine and I’ll bring the cola. We’ll have a blast!

        • [Ashen Victor]

          Mixing wine and cola? You heretic!!!
          Any self-respecting posh party should not be tainted by kalimotxo*.

          Everybody knows you must mix wine with plain soda or 7up**!

          * http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kalimotxo
          ** http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tinto_de_Verano

        • [ImmutableMichael]

          Ok…. Now I have to try both of these!

        • [Peppermint]

          AAAAAAAAAAAALKFHQLSKDHFIPQZUEGKH

          *dies in a fit of French rage*

        • [OtherMichael]

          I don’t remember red-wine-and-coke being called anything special when I was in Hungary (92-95), but it was awesome. At the time, the coke was the more expensive portion of the combo (and may well still be, for all I know).

        • [Buddy Bradley]

          It’s actually called a VBK in Hungarian. (Initials of vörös bor kóla=red wine and coke.) It’s a cheap drink favored mostly by college students.

          And yes, they tend to use cheap-ass wine so the coke is still probably the more pricey of the two.

        • [Alistair]

          Beastly bouquet murder type person…..

      • [Jake0748]

         Is that some kind of premium old world vintage hot dog you’re stuffing in to your maw in your profile pic? 

    • [creesto]

      Antinous, I will be your bespoke assistant/sychophant. Just let me sneak my camera phone into one of these shindigs…

      • [Antinous / Moderator]

        Well, I could get a freebie into a party with Joe Dallesandro and Holly Woodlawn in a couple of weeks, but I will, as usual, opt to stay home and read a book.

• [Michael Smith]

  Well I hope they had a designated driver.

  • [Peppermint]

    That would be called a chauffeur. Though I’m sure they have a douchey name for that, like driving executive. Or something.

    • [Wreckrob8]

      Director of transportation.

    • [larry]

      Actually “Chauffeur” is considered “low” or “douchy”  when describing the person who drives your vehicle.   “Driver” is considered more “upper”.     Also referring to the vehicle being driven as anything other than “the car” is considered “low” 

      Example:

      LOW:  ”Hey could please you have the Chauffeur bring the Maybach around? Thanks!” 

      HIGH:  “Have the driver bring the car.”

      SUPER HIGH: …your car is always ready without even having to ask.

      DON’T GIVE A DAMN WHAT ANYONE THINKS: You drive yourself in a beat up 72 Mercury Montego even though you are worth $50 Billion on a bad day.

      • [dnebdal]

        A 1993 Volvo 240, actually.

    • [Jenna Cody]

      “bespoke driving agent”

    • [Felton / Moderator]

      Automobile navigation specialist.

• [Joseph Phillips]

  Booze is stupid.

  • [Jake0748]

     Booze isn’t stupid. People are stupid.

    • [Dave X]

       It’s stupid all the way down!

    • [Boundegar]

      Guns don’t kill stupid people…

      • [chgoliz]

        Reality begs to differ with you.

        Unfortunately, they kill a lot of smart people too.

      • [oasisob1]

        How douchey would it be to amend that to “Guns don’t kill enough stupid people…(and too many smart people)”?

      • [Alistair]

        no, bullets do, and they don’t discriminate. and they tear great lummps of bone, muscle and sinew “clean off” as dirty harry would say.

        ah, the good old days.

• [MoreScaryRobots]

  I like the “collections tailored to fit their specific needs” part. Like wine collections are a business product that you tailor to fit a particular business requirement.

• [destroy_all_humans]

  wine IS for douchebags, thanks for agreeing with me Xeni

  • [Shane Simmons]

    Hey, I’m about to have a glass of red wine.  I got hooked on it by a guy who grew up literally next to the Leinenkugel brewery, even.  If you have high blood pressure, a glass a day, and just a glass a day (no cheating by throwing in a bender after the glass) and your blood pressure will likely drop.

    I don’t get pretentious about it, though.  I get a local sweet red, whirl it in the blender for a minute, pour it back in the bottle when the bubbles subside, and it’s downright drinkable.  And if you have more than one glass, it’ll get you drunk.

    I’m with you on wine snobs, though.

    • [Robert Drop]

      I’ve known some proper wine snobs – I mean people who had reached professional levels of wine-snobbery, and even they would agree that these people are douchebags.

      • [gehringer]

         Yep.

        It’s the difference between people who’re snobs about something because they really like it and know a lot about it, and people who’re snobs about something because they’re rich and want to show off how rich they are

        • [Preston Sturges]

          ….and then there are people who really are douches. 

    • [chgoliz]

      Why the blender?

      • [lysdexia]

        Because it’s less douchey than an aerator.

        http://www.amazon.com/Vinturi-6700-Essential-Wine-Aerator/dp/B000UPOJ5W

        • [chgoliz]

          It’s not too much aeration?  Huh.

• [Milton Santini]

  Catalina wine mixer.

• [John]

  Sean Parker….   oh man, just had a Buckaroo Banzai moment…

• [teknocholer]

  For a fascinating look at the world of rich-people wine, see The Billionaire’s Vinegar by Benjamin Wallace.

  http://www.amazon.com/The-Billionaires-Vinegar-Mystery-Expensive/dp/0307338789/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1359173588&sr=8-1&keywords=the+billionaires+vinegar

• [Space Toast]

  VC is the douchiest industry. For background, this was actually Accel Partners’ party. (Notice how they slipped them in there?) And Soutirage is an Accel-backed company. Don’t believe me about the douchery? Check out Accel’s website: http://www.accel.com Then realize they don’t even have the duchiest VC website… not even close.

• [Kristofer Peterson]

  The important thing to realize is that the Bolshevik’s had some good ideas.

• [Genre Slur]

  Well, since it’s full of shit, I’d say an enema is more where the release is at.

• [kmoser]

  It’s not the press release that’s douchey, but rather those who attended the party.

  • [ImmutableMichael]

    I’m ticking (c) “All of the above”

• [Marcus Hartsfield]

  “bespoke experiences” ha ha ha ha ha ha so damn pretentious

  • [Ipo]

     And wrong.  Unless they dress themselves in experience.  The Emperor’s Newest Clothes.

• [Shane Simmons]

  They forgot to put their warehouse guy in the PR, which is a shame.  Apparently he’s an expert on rock-an-roll as well as wine warehouse management. Yes. Rock-an-roll.

  Seriously, I usually think that pointing out other peoples’ douchiness is douchey itself, but this is gold.

  • [Antinous / Moderator]

    Last week (or so) a gentleman who changed his name to Ned Rocknroll (and married Kate Winslet) won a court injunction to prevent the spread of some pictures of him in a silly costume because the judge agreed that it might embarrass some imaginary future children. Rock and roll is now nothing but a pretentious branding tool for people who would grab an antiseptic wipe if Keith Richards brushed up against them.

    • [Boundegar]

      Yknow what’s messed up?  Punk is, too.

      • [gehringer]

        Every subculture eventually ends up like that.  That’s why new ones pop up every decade or two.

        That, and every generation of teenagers needs something new to annoy their parents, since each generation of parents is OK with the lat subculture by virtue of being in it so they could annoy their parents.

        • [Antinous / Moderator]

          every generation of teenagers needs something new to annoy their parents

          I should point out that that’s an American/ British/ German/ (and probably some others) thing. There are quite a few places in the world where teenagers and parents get along just fine.

        • [OriGuy]

          “Our youth now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders and love chatter in place of exercise; they no longer rise when elders enter the room; they contradict their parents, chatter before company; gobble up their food and tyrannize their teachers.”
          – Socrates

    • [Charlie B]

       That’s certainly reasonable as long as they frame the wipe and sell it on eBay afterwards.

        I mean, that’s what I would do.

• [BDiamond]

  Can someone give me a pretentious to plain English translation of “bespoke experience” and “bespoke travel”? I’m serious. My mind can’t parse either phrase.

  Never mind. I think I understand douche now.

  • [Antinous / Moderator]

    If it were actually “bespoke travel”, you would mention a desire to go somewhere and an imperious little man with a tiny moustache would make your travel desires manifest.

    At best, this means, “You don’t have to book all your own shit on the internet; we’ll provide some of the services that every middle-class person in America used to get for free from a travel agent 20 years ago.”

    • [J. Brad Hicks]

      Bespoke means more than that; the “bespoke” part of it means “exclusive to one client” like a bespoke tailor, for example. So a “bespoke travel” agent is one who charges you so much that he doesn’t need any more clients; this is supposed to convince you (if you can afford such things) that he’s so much better than travel agents who have many clients that he’s absolutely worth that much.

      And, frankly, if he knows how to book travel options that are just flatly not available at any price to hoi polloi and that are only marketed by word of mouth, no matter where in the world you are likely to go? There are people out there, not a few of whom will be at Davos, for whom that’s worth it. At that point, he becomes basically a subcontractor to the household manager.

      (See Robert Frank, /Richistan/)

      • [Antinous / Moderator]

        Bespoke tailors aren’t exclusive to one client.  It just means custom-made.

        • [oasisob1]

          Bespoke seems to be in common use in the UK.

        • [Lupus_Yonderboy]

          If I’m remembering correctly something truly “Bespoke” would be designed from the ground up for just one client. The tailor/watchmaker/software engineer/whatever else can take contracts from anyone and as many as they can handle but if they’re claiming that the suit/watch/program/whatever that they’re making is “bespoke” they can’t make a 2nd one with the same design for anyone else. Custom is different – custom-made means that it was individually made for you but that doesn’t indicate that it was *designed* specifically for you or that you’re the only one in the whole world who might have one exactly like that (i.e. with a “bespoke” suit the patterns themselves are created just for you and destroyed afterwards, while a custom suit can use pre-existing patterns or if they’re created for you can be used for other suits later.)

        • [L_Mariachi]

          Anything made-to-measure involves altering an existing pattern but is considered bespoke. (Also, they don’t destroy the pattern, they keep it (or at least the measurements) on file for your future purchases. If you have an account with a Hong Kong or Savile Row tailor, you can call in advance of your visit so they can get to work without having to take your measurements all over again.)  What you’re talking about — full-custom top-to-bottom one-offs — exists for costumes and such but isn’t really the way suits are done. No idea about women’s wear.

        • [Lupus_Yonderboy]

          Replying to I_Mariachi (wish that we had infinite threaded comments, btw):

          Huh, I’m willing to believe that you’re correct but I used to get custom tailored suits (pick out all the fabrics, choose where you wanted pockets, etc.) from a guy in NYC and he only referred to himself as “semi-bespoke” because he was using existing patterns.

        • [Antinous / Moderator]

          There’s not really any room for customization in a morning suit or other garment that would be made by a bespoke tailor. It’s made to measure for you, but it’s not designed for you.

      • [C W]

        “ the “bespoke” part of it means “exclusive to one client” like a bespoke tailor, for example”

        In reality, it doesn’t mean exclusive, nor “unique”.

  • [Wreckrob8]

    Package holiday.

• [robcat2075]

  You were wondering what the job creators do with the tax money you gave them…

• [rekoil]

  And guess what? You printed it. Mission accomplished, as far as the PR agency is concerned.

  • [bardfinn]

    We are so very much not their target audience, mon.

  • [Snig]

    And when it gets googled, it will be found to be married to the concept of douche.  

• [scdevine]

  It certainly is a high density douche nugget.

  Just look at how much fun the people are having, who ganked the industrial world’s economy.  Really?  Having the _nice_ wine?  Wonderful….

  If unions had their retirement funds invested in robotics, I would have a lot fewer pitchforks and torches visions.  You can’t talk to nobody no mo’!

  • [larry]

    “High Density Douche Nugget”

    I read that as I was sipping my coffee and now have to clean off my laptop.   Thanks for the laugh.

• [Wuju]

  He sounds like a self-facilitating media node.

  • [Antinous / Moderator]

    Is that anything like a self-sealing stem bolt?

  • [ImmutableMichael]

    …. celebrating the Festival of St Onan.

    • [Antinous / Moderator]

      Taste the rainbow.

      • [ImmutableMichael]

        St Onan accepts your prayers in many different ways.

• [Dave McCaig]

  Look. Lets face it. The real issue that were all trying to bury with all this “fancy-town-wine-snobbery=lolz” talk is that Two Buck Chuck just raised its cost by 25%.

  • [Antinous / Moderator]

    It’s Two-and-a-half Buck Chuck now. Everyone will complain, but this is the first price hike in 11 years. We should probably send a thank you note.

    • [Dave McCaig]

      Having been back in Canada for a while, I miss being able to buy a whole freaking case of “won’t cause blindness” wine for the price of a single bottle of similar quality here. I agree that it’s pretty hard to complain about a case now costing a bottle and a quarter. I think for a lot of people though, the real issue is not the price increase, it’s the loss of that lovable name. I almost wonder if they might have been better off just going to Three Buck Chuck. Anyways, a big thank you to Charles Shaw for cheaply supplying fuel for many a fun party while I lived in California.

• [WernerVonGoetz]

  How have we not moved past childish name calling like this? I thought maybe I had accidentally clicked on a Fox News headline, but no, it’s just Xeni being judgemental again.

  It’s posts like this that remind everyone that boingboing is just another angsty blog weighed down by the ridiculous personal opinions of its contributors.

  • [Dave McCaig]

    A blog is the sum of its contributors and its commenters. You have caught yourself in your own trap, Sir!

  • [ImmutableMichael]

    I know, right! I’ve long relied on BB as a source of news and uncontaminated facts, devoid of opinion, interpretation or even overt editorialising. But this! This!

  • [Nell Anvoid]

    OK…but I need an online venue to vent my angstyness. And, certainly, Boing Boing is bespoke for the purpose.

  • [Ipo]

    The readings on my sarcasm-meter are inconclusive. 
    There is an acerbic odor. 

    • [Mark Dow]

      I detect a fruity note with earthy aftertaste.

  • [Philip Chinn]

     Ok Dr. Philip Barbay.

  • [C W]

    It’s always bizarre how much effort people will go through to support corporations and the Captains of Industry they will never become.

• [Lemoutan]

  Are they second, or third, against the wall …?

  • [gehringer]

     I think they’ll be offed before The Revolution’s even gathered enough steam to have a wall.

    • [Lemoutan]

      Or maybe someone’ll’ve got ‘em reservations on the B-Ark.

      • [Preston Sturges]

        http://youtu.be/QvBAEp3Znn4

        “……..TRY GETTING A RESERVATION AT DORSIA NOW YOU FUCKING STUPID BASTARD! YOU, FUCKING BASTARD!….”

• [SedanChair]

  San Francisco tastemaker Ken Fulk

  Translation: travel back in time, kill my caveman ancestor, return to the present, discover paradise on Earth

• [Lithi]

  Fancy! Not as douchey and pretentious as so-called “artists” describing themselves and the crap they throw together and try to unload at obscene prices.

• [Chauncey Scott]

  Douchy. Or not sign me up for 1950 vintage cognac.

• [Dimitrios Papagiannis]

  This wine tastes like vinegar.

• [Jeffery Bahr]

  Jeez.  Lighten up, folks.  Wine is good.  Expensive wine is usually very good.  Some wine is ethereal.  So, these people are pretentious.  There is a ridiculous number of things to condemn worse than this, some of which are even advocated/supported at Davos.

  • [Antinous / Moderator]

    No, you lighten up!

  • [C W]

    “Some wine is ethereal.  So, these people are pretentious.”

    Pretentious != possessing and expressing taste. Having and blowing lots of money != possessing taste.

• [ROSSINDETROIT]

  “Evan Yurman”.  Jewelry designer David Yurman has a son named Evan.  I need to Google around and find out if this is the same dude I met a few years ago at a jewelry event.

  ETA: yup

• [Timothy Broyles]

  So, if I were to discuss computers in great detail, let’s say, would that be douchey? No? How about the merits of one sports team over another? See, you call it douchey because you’re not into it. If you’re into wine, there’s nothing wrong with this press release.

  • [Boundegar]

    Bespoke experiences.  I rest my case.

  • [Nell Anvoid]

    Bespoken like a true oenophile, sir.

  • [C W]

    The adage “it’s not what you say, but how you say it” comes in to play.

    There are plenty of sports douchebags, the “IT guy” can also be douchey as well.

    I like good food and booze, but that doesn’t preclude me from thinking a PRESS RELEASE could have sounded prickish. I’m sorry we’ve insulted a corporation, this will surely never happen again.

• [TheNewsIsBroken]

  Besmirch the rich.

  • [Antinous / Moderator]

    Beheading’s easier.

  • [signsofrain]

    BERSMERCH THE RERCH!
    BERHERDING’S ERSERER!
    ERMAGHERD, THEY’RE WERN PERCERNTERS!

• [JoshP]

  It may be that I’m playing Arkham City, but I’d be willing to bet that someone on that guest list is living a dual life, a secret polarized existence where they become an avatar that fights the corruption and pestilence that is eating at this city’s very core.  Just sayin.

  • [Nell Anvoid]

    That must be when they aren’t busy managing their bespoke collection of fine vintage plonk, of course.

    OK…I’ve officially hit my limit on inane posts about this silly-assed press release. Damn Saturdays….

    • [Lupus_Yonderboy]

      No, you see, these people exist so that Bruce Wayne can have all the fancy trappings of being super-rich without spending his valuable time chosing wines, etc.  They’re actually facilitating his cover identity and assisting with freeing up time to fight crime.

      • [Kerouac]

        You think Alfred doesn’t already know twice as much about wine as these asswipes?

• [Louisa Hufstader]

  I work in media in wine country and get stuff like this all the time … I usually hit “delete” after the first superlative.

• [haineux]

  For some reason, I would rather have a FRESHMAKER

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RLccCsTGNP4

• [Gyrofrog]

  “intimate tastings”… Mmmmm-mmm!

• [Gordon Klock]

  Sounds excruciatingly delicious. 

• [DJBudSonic]

  As usual, you had me at the first ‘bespoke’.  Everyone be sure and MAKE THAT CALL 310.313.6374 to fake-book your next event.

• [Preston Sturges]

  From “Naked Lunch:”

  A. J. once reserved a table a year in advance Chez Robert where a huge, icy gourmet broods over the greatest food in the world.  So baneful and derogatory is his gaze that many a client, under that withering blast, has rolled on the floor and pissed all over himself in convulsive attempts to ingratiate.

  So A. J. arrives early with six Bolivian Indians who chew coca leaves between courses. And when Robert, in all his gourmet majesty, bears down upon the table, A. J. looks up and yells: “Hey, Boy!  Bring me some ketchup!”
  (Alternative: A. J. whips out a bottle of ketchup and douses the haute cuisine.)
  Thirty gourmets stop chewing at once.  You could have heard a soufflé drop.  As for Robert, he lets out a bellow of rage like a wounded elephant, runs to the kitchen and arms himself with a meat cleaver.  …  The Sommelier snarls hideously, his face turning a strange iridescent purple. … He breaks off a bottle of Brut Champagne … ’26.  …  Pierre, the Head Waiter, snatches up a boning knife.  All three chase A. J. through the restaurant with mangled, inhuman screams of rage. …  Tables overturn, vintage wine and matchless food crash to the floor.  …  Cries of “Lynch him!” ring through the air.  An elderly gourmet with the insane bloodshot eyes of a mandril, is fashioning a hangman’s knot with a red velvet curtain cord.  …  Seeing himself cornered and in imminent danger of danger of dismemberment at least, A. J. plays his trump card. …  He throws out his head and lets out a hog call; and a hundred famished hogs he had stationed nearby rush into the restaurant, slopping the haute cuisine.  Like a great tree Robert falls to the floor in a stroke where he is eaten by the hogs: “Poor bastards don’t know enough to appreciate him.” says A. J.

  Robert’s brother Paul emerges from retirement in a local nut house and takes over the restaurant to dispense something he calls the “Transcendental Cuisine.”  …  Imperceptibly, the quality of the food declines until he is serving literal garbage, the clients being too intimidated by the reputation of Chez Robert to protest.

  SAMPLE MENU:
  The Clear Camel Piss Soup with boiled Earth Worms

  The Filet of Sun-Ripened Sting Raybasted with Eau de Cologne and garnished with nettles

  The After-Birth Suprême de Boeuf,cooked in drained crank case oil,served with a piquant sauce of rotten egg yokesand crushed bed bugs

  The Limburger Cheese sugar cured in diabetic urineand doused in Canned Heat Flamboyant

  So the clients are quietly dying of botulism.  …  Then A. J. returns with an entourage of Arab refugees from the Middle East.  He takes one mouthful and screams:“Garbage God damn it.  Cook this wise citizen in his own swill!”

• [Teresa Nielsen Hayden]

  No, that is not the world’s douchiest press release. This week’s award for DPR goes to the “Sugar daddies for coeds’ student loans” press release that got turned in to a shambling pretense of journalism by dozens of outlets. It’s most evident in this one – 

  The Daily Californian
  http://www.dailycal.org/2013/01/22/campus-sees-surge-in-sugar-babies/

  – but its bones are detectable in stories in the Huffington Post, Fox Business News, the Christian News Network, MSN Money, KITV.com/ABC News, KCTV 5/Kansas City, NewsOne, TMDaily Post, Above the Law, and other supposed news sites. All of these write-ups are functioning as advertisements for an online site that charges fees to supposedly match coeds to potential sugar daddies.

• [Kerouac]

  I read “artisanal eaux-de-vie” and almost spit up my Boone’s Farm.

  • [Antinous / Moderator]

    Isn’t Eau de Vie always artisanal? Making delicately flavored liquor from fruit seems incompatible with mass production techniques.

• [Beth Morgan]

  I don’t even get what you’re supposed to do with this press release. Write about their awesome party? Mocking it or ignoring it are basically the only potential reactions.