Choosing the Right Seat: How not to get stuck next to someone that sucks

Now people who think, "Oh shit, Frauenfelder is gonna be there," have this infographic to give them a fighting chance.


  1. No mention is made of the difficulty for us southpaws to find seats in any of the rectangular configurations that don’t have us bumping elbows with whomever’s unlucky enough to be on the distaff side.

      1.  Fuck ’em. And they’d better watch out for my goddamn wineglass as well, right-handed weirdo mutants.

        1. Just make sure you claim your elbow and glass space before the guy to your left does. And he won’t have as much experience with it as we do.

          1.  Works with fencing too. Or it *did* till I realised what a stabby motherfucker one of my friends is. Jesus, he fast…

  2. Scenario:  You’ve just been through the buffet line and you’re the first to sit down at a round table that seats 12.  You’re wondering why you sat down at a table by yourself, because then it looks like you want to be alone, and why would you want that at a retreat… involving hundreds of yammering middle-aged women who only shut up long enough to sleep, and my assigned roommate didn’t even shut then… oh, nevermind…  I should have just sat there and enjoyed the break in the conversation.

    EDIT: Silence may be golden, but hindsight and regret can be such effin nags.l

  3. Completely opposite to my strategy, which is to sit on the end so as not to have to talk to too many f*ckers, and to have leg room and easy access to the restrooms. But there are terms for people like me…

  4. I never thought about table positioning till now.  I like booths, and I always take the interior side.  Something about snuggling into a corner pleases my lizard brain.  I guess I like the security of the impossibility of tripping a waiter or somehow falling over into the aisle.

  5. I never sit next to the person that sucks!


    Wait a minute.

    Maybe I am the person that sucks…

    Actually I’m pretty good at getting the optimum seat in, eg, the 8-person rectable. (Then, assuming my suckitude, two people have to sit next to the person that sucks, plus one opposite, ho ho).

  6. I’m sure that this graphic would make a completely charming placemat. 

    Who sucks? Well, most people have some trait that irritates other people. But how can one engage a person in such a way that makes the experience at least reasonable for both? Practice.

  7. I’ve discovered that sitting closest to the bar prevents me from having to sit next to someone who sucks. Or at least I don’t notice. I can’t say much for the person who has to sit next to me, however.

  8. There are two spaces between ‘important’ and ‘it is’ in #6! Augh! 

    (I’m not doing this right, am I? I’m not going to be in any of those seats.)

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