Choosing the Right Seat: How not to get stuck next to someone that sucks


16 Responses to “Choosing the Right Seat: How not to get stuck next to someone that sucks”

  1. Christopher says:

    No mention is made of the difficulty for us southpaws to find seats in any of the rectangular configurations that don’t have us bumping elbows with whomever’s unlucky enough to be on the distaff side.

    • Ian Fay says:

      Agreed. I’m always very careful to pick end or corner seats for that very reason.

      • Gilbert Wham says:

         Fuck ‘em. And they’d better watch out for my goddamn wineglass as well, right-handed weirdo mutants.

        • Martijn says:

          Just make sure you claim your elbow and glass space before the guy to your left does. And he won’t have as much experience with it as we do.

          • Gilbert Wham says:

             Works with fencing too. Or it *did* till I realised what a stabby motherfucker one of my friends is. Jesus, he fast…

  2. Jeff Scherr says:

    It’s about time someone shed some light on this. 3 cheers

  3. welcomeabored says:

    Scenario:  You’ve just been through the buffet line and you’re the first to sit down at a round table that seats 12.  You’re wondering why you sat down at a table by yourself, because then it looks like you want to be alone, and why would you want that at a retreat… involving hundreds of yammering middle-aged women who only shut up long enough to sleep, and my assigned roommate didn’t even shut then… oh, nevermind…  I should have just sat there and enjoyed the break in the conversation.

    EDIT: Silence may be golden, but hindsight and regret can be such effin nags.l

  4. huskerdont says:

    Completely opposite to my strategy, which is to sit on the end so as not to have to talk to too many f*ckers, and to have leg room and easy access to the restrooms. But there are terms for people like me…

  5. Ian Wood says:

    I just never leave the house. Primates are difficult.

  6. ldobe says:

    I never thought about table positioning till now.  I like booths, and I always take the interior side.  Something about snuggling into a corner pleases my lizard brain.  I guess I like the security of the impossibility of tripping a waiter or somehow falling over into the aisle.

  7. Narmitaj says:

    I never sit next to the person that sucks!


    Wait a minute.

    Maybe I am the person that sucks…

    Actually I’m pretty good at getting the optimum seat in, eg, the 8-person rectable. (Then, assuming my suckitude, two people have to sit next to the person that sucks, plus one opposite, ho ho).

  8. tw1515tw says:

    Derren Brown’s method of keeping the seat next to you free might also work. 

    As soon as you see someone you don’t like, you should smile at them as they approach and pat the seat invitingly.

  9. Charlie Parker says:

    I’m sure that this graphic would make a completely charming placemat. 

    Who sucks? Well, most people have some trait that irritates other people. But how can one engage a person in such a way that makes the experience at least reasonable for both? Practice.

  10. oasisob1 says:

    I’ve discovered that sitting closest to the bar prevents me from having to sit next to someone who sucks. Or at least I don’t notice. I can’t say much for the person who has to sit next to me, however.

  11. Antinous / Moderator says:

    I pick the seat that will make it easiest to get up to pee every 20 minutes.

  12. Lyle Hopwood says:

    There are two spaces between ‘important’ and ‘it is’ in #6! Augh! 

    (I’m not doing this right, am I? I’m not going to be in any of those seats.)

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