In photographs, North Korea "leaks" plan to attack US

Discuss

88 Responses to “In photographs, North Korea "leaks" plan to attack US”

  1. Stefan Jones says:

    Wow, getting cut off from Johnny Walker Black Label has really got those guys riled up.

    Kim Jong-Un really looks like he’d rather be at home playing video games, eating Cheetoes, and burning through boxes of Kleenex, but we must all make our sacrifices for the Glorious Revolution!

  2. Stefan Jones says:

    “The meeting marked a historic occasion in providing a new landmark for bringing about a great turn in the ideological work of the KPA as required by the modeling of the whole army on Kimilsungism-Kimjongilism, he said, adding that at the meeting the enthusiasm of information workers to remain loyal to the WPK’s line on turning the KPA into the army strong in ideology was fully manifested.”

    These guys get paid by the word, right?

    • s2redux says:

      It’s more visceral than that — they get fed by the word.

    • William Dix says:

      Nah it’s typical dictatorship propaganda speak. a general rule of thumb when reading propaganda from a marxist-leninist state the more they fluff up the importance of an event to ensure that the proletariat is aware of how important it is…

  3. G3 says:

    North Korea’s estimated annual military budget is about the same as the budget for the NY City police department. Imagine the NY cops declaring war on the US. Five minutes, tops. For every 1 billion that guy spends, the US spends around 180 billion.

    • Florian Bösch says:

      NKs military budget isn’t so much relevant to the discussion, nor is their actual capability they built themselves.

      See, if you can read google maps, you might notice this slight oddity about NK. See what I mean? It shares a border with China. So whatever hardware the Chinese decided to discretely deposit in NK is at the command of the crazy people in that country. Unfortunately China is a nuclear superpower, so that’s kinda dicey.

      Additionally it seems China isn’t all that entirely happy with NK for acting crazy. But it also seems that they pretty much lost whatever clout they held over NKs crazy meter.

      It is quite unlikely that the US would flat out attack NK if NK would do something stupid. It is more likely that the US would call on China to reel in the leash of the rabid dog before they have to put him down.

      • G3 says:

        I agree with both of you but thought we were discussing NK attacking the mainland US. That means troop movement, good luck with the US Navy and Air Force. 

        They don’t have good ICBMs, so where would they launch from? I just hate when media runs stories about these big looming threats and the actual strength of Iran or NK’s military capabilities (which are very low) goes entirely unmentioned.

      • toyg says:

        China doesn’t look happy. We have no idea what really goes on inside the Chinese Communist Party, let alone what goes on between its leadership and NK. 

        • Antinous / Moderator says:

          China doesn’t look happy.

          Oh, great. Now you’ve hurt the feelings of the Chinese people and we’re going to have to hear about it for the next month.

      • L_Mariachi says:

        I would be very very surprised if China doesn’t have some cards up its sleeve vis-a-vis DPRK, as in, for instance, high-ranking military officials with… divided loyalties. You don’t become a millenia-old empire through naïvete and forthrightness.

    • Awesomer says:

      A key difference between the NYPD and North Korea: the NYPD doesn’t have nuclear weapons. Or long-range missiles. Or heavy artillery. Or fighter jets.Or one million active-duty troops. Or eight million in reserve. Otherwise, that’s a good point.

  4. Digilante says:

    I must say that I find it near impossible to really believe that people can be that stupid / ridiculous / childish (and those comments are not just aimed at North Korea). Looking back through recent world history for inspiration on understanding these events, I’m still left unsatisfied:

    - Most world conflict in modern times has been funded directly or indirectly by the US. It would seem almost obvious that this is exactly what is happening here (Yo Jim, here’s big bucks, play your part, and let’s keep the world controlled by fear).

    - At the same time, it would have been almost equally impossible for me to believe that Ze Zermans were frying millions of people for lunch. Yet, it happened.

    It sickens me that for all the progress, the human race is still a bunch of monkeys in trees, driven by irrational beliefs and hormonal imbalances. I dream of the day when we rid the world of religion and politics, and enshrine the purely science-based education of every human as an inalienable right.

    • teufelsdrochk says:

      I’ve got to say, having read halfway through your post, an appeal to rational beliefs was just about the last thing I expected to hear:

      “I have pondered deeply over these issues. We all know the crypto-monkey men were lunar spies–and however hard it is to believe in grocery stores, they really exist. I’ve concluded that the only answer is a return to the close study of history and scientific rationality.”

    • Gregory Primosch says:

      Oh my science!

    • Funk Daddy says:

      You think Jim (Kim?) is acting on the behalf of the US?

      And hold up the improbability of the Holocaust as proof that strange stuff happens?

      Look at that history in its full context. Genocide has always been wrong immoral evil stuff, but it only recently became unacceptable and even now yet occurs here and there.

      The Holocaust was not improbable at all when you consider how Jewish people have been treated by individuals, governments and everything in between for the preceding few thousand years. No, in fact it was practically inevitable.

      And the only thing that keeps it from recurring and that helps it occur less often to others is the constant effort of reminding ourselves that, yes, we do that shit, collectively, when left to our own devices.

      BTW, people in the US are -not- afraid of the DPRK. They are far more likely to be afraid of fake and real crime, local cops, lawyers, politicians and corporations that employ them all, including themselves.

      • Digilante says:

        No I don’t actually think that… I was just voicing a thought process that leaves me no more enlightened about what’s going on than before.

        Of course people in the US are not directly afraid of the DPRK. I’m not sitting here shitting my rods out of fear either. However, I do put the theory to you that constant reminders of possible threats do enter the subconscious / psyche of people and nations whether you like it or not, and that can then be used by certain people to their advantage.

      • Gilbert Wham says:

         You reckon? After the Iraq farrago?

    • Sigmund_Jung says:

      Well, if I were in  the Defense Industry, I would fly to NK with a bag of money to thank Kim for the good job.

      That’s all theater — but the worst is seeing the “civilized” world role-playing.

    • Antinous / Moderator says:

      Most world conflict in modern times has been funded directly or indirectly by the US. It would seem almost obvious that this is exactly what is happening here (Yo Jim, here’s big bucks, play your part, and let’s keep the world controlled by fear).

      Indeed.

      • ImmutableMichael says:

        When I stopped laughing it all suddenly became clear – “teh gayez getting married = rainbows everywhere!!!” This is our future people!

        My god, it’s full of rainbows.

    • Ambiguity says:

      It sickens me that for all the progress, the human race is still a bunch of monkeys in trees, driven by irrational beliefs and hormonal imbalances.

      Wrong!!!!

      I mean, we’re not really in trees anymore, for the most part.

    • William Dix says:

      Color me a bit skeptical on your claim as to most conflict being funded in modern times being funded by the U.S. it is simplistic at best and downright silly at worst. I’ll grant you indirectly funded if one were to consider trade as a source of funding but that still ignores a big slew of the underlying drivers of conflict which are as old as the human species.

      I could point out that a huge percentage of the third world communist insurgencies pretty much imploded after the collapse of the Soviet Union. The few remaining ones that are funded by illegal drug running in Latin America. Yes U.S. drug laws are an issue but so are European ones.

      You also ignore the sheer amount of ethnic conflicts ongoing in Africa (Legacy of Colonialism and its messy demise) and in post iron curtain Europe (WW1 Peace treaties artificial nations plus post WW2 soviet dictatorships of the same) which have been more driven by ethnic tensions and grievances. As well as the rise of militant islamism which is fueled in part by Arabian petroleum wealth in northern Africa.

      As for the U.S. fueling conflict in the Middle East? Yes to a degree by the U.S. presence there as well as the fact that the Middle East is very much mired in religion driven conflict,  In fact even if the U.S. avoided involving itself in region things would still be a bloody mess. To tell the truth I don’t see much of a probability for any improvement in fact I suspect things are going to be getting worse with the rise to power of islamists.

      India/Pakistan/Afghanistan given the fact that the Pakistanis are quite adept at messing things up on their own I don’t foresee much probability of improvement there. Plus the fact that I suspect that the Chinese do throw in a bit of influence into Pakistan to keep things interesting for India.

      Given that China seems to regard it’s old imperial days as a means to making claims all over the place in the Pacific. I’m afraid things are unlikely to improve there. As for North Korea things are unlikely to improve at all.

      As for Russia given the current government run by a kleptocracy rising from the good old boys from the KGB which quiet happily exploit nationalism and soviet nostalgia to gain and retain power. Plus the fact that the Russian are very eager to act as classic imperialists whenever they have an excuse such as the presence of ethnic Russians. As well as their tendency to sell weapons to whoever plops down cash in front of them.

  5. Gus says:

    This is getting so ridiculous I sometimes wonder if it’s not just a ploy from Kim Jong Un (who is UK-taught) to get the U.S. to invade with the purpose of reuniting the Koreas, but without being obvious enough that the generals will kick him out of power if it fails.

    • LinkMan says:

      I’m pretty sure Supreme Leader Kim was educated in Switzerland and not the UK (although he allegedly attended at least one English language school).

      Perhaps you’re confusing him with everyone’s favorite UK-educated ophthalmologist dictator, Bashar al-Assad?

      • andygates says:

        I love the idea that there might be other ophthalmologist dictators – and that they might be even less popular.  I picture them getting together at Dictatorcon and gushing about bright scleras and gold flecks like the Tooth Fairy in Guardians.

        It’s so much nicer than the whole gassing and killing part. :/

      • Antinous / Moderator says:

        Before I got to the very end, I was wondering if Rand Paul was really educated in the UK.

  6. Half-Baked-Gogglebox-Do-Gooder says:

    There are more Chinese agents in NK than there are American, because China knows that anything really nasty that lands in Kim’s lap will blow over into their front yard, and they don’t need that – Let alone having to handle potential hundreds of thousands of displaced / fleeing survivors. If he pushes his luck too far, if the Chinese spies close to him report home that he’s really going to start something, then there will be a quick regime change of the “It Looked Like An Accident” variety, and it won’t be us that did it.

    Which is fine by me – Except that it will only teach nuclear-threatening terrorist states to keep their shit on the downlow, and to simply sneak a weapon into a large population center and push the button – Instead of screaming to the whole world “WATCH US, WE’RE REALLY GOING TO DO IT !!!” Only an idiot paints a bullseye on their faces, and Kim really does appear to be an idiot.

    • toyg says:

      You assume Kim is completely independent and not himself being “helped” down this path by Chinese influence. His old man was fairly unpredictable (i.e. by most standards, completely bonkers), but this guy is much more of a regular joe, so he probably listens to his advisors more than his father did. China is currently going through big changes in their nomenklatura, and god knows who’s in charge of the NK brief over there and what sort of strategy he’s following. The whole  UN-sanctions dance is probably part of some other US-China argument we’ll never know about, because that’s how real diplomacy works.

  7. I just targeted a baking soda rocket at the moon. Take that, imperialist Lunarians! 

  8. Kevin Saff says:

    Love the Mercator trajectories!

    • morcheeba says:

      Subterranean missile technology doesn’t need to follow your silly geographic projections.

    • Funk Daddy says:

      Ha, I was about to mention that. 

      I think it’s like a wish list, someone draws a line pointing out a US city, then sits back and says, “See that, man I’d like to hit that” (sigh) then the others chime in with NK equivalent of “Boy howdy, so would I!”

    • Stefan Jones says:

       The plan is to launch missiles which BURROW THROUGH THE EARTH on a straight line to their targets! Another triumph of Juche and military-first policy promulgated by Brilliant General Kim in the tradition of building socialism toward an an iron-fisted approach to accomplishing the goals of the MRKPDC’s triumphant resentment.

  9. txhoudini says:

    The target cities have been identified as Hawaii (okay not a city…), LA, DC and Austin, TX. They must dislike SXSW as much as Mark does.

    • Alan says:

      They targeted Austin because of Rick Perry.  More of a favor than a threat, actually.

    • bardfinn says:

      Austin possibly because it would cut Houston off from most of the remainder of the mainland. Which, honestly, is very dumb. If they wanted to hit something worth hitting to cripple our economy, they’d hit Manhattan, and if they were going for military targets, there’s Virginia and the Poconos and Omaha and Alabama.

      They /might/ be targeting Ft. Hood, but even still – you’re North Korea, you’re jumping down the nuclear option, why Ft. Hood?

      LA is obviously because of the body count.

      And Hawaii – because Guam is preferable to live on, right?

  10. Yep says:

    I’ll tell you what’s fully manifested. That hat.

  11. Aaron Swain says:

    I am concerned that they’ve turned Dennis Rodman into a dirty bomb which they plan on detonating at some key moment in the near future. Or possibly replaced him with a killer cyborg….

  12. Try reading an issue of the Pyongyang Times. It’s exhausting.

  13. Alan says:

    Is that an iMac on Kim Jong Un’s desk?

  14. Finnagain says:

    Ok, but why are we sending them bulldozers?

  15. Jeb Adams says:

    Ha Ha Yes as fellow brigand I am also enjoying the loquacious amusements proffered on this diabolical information site. For many though I wonder if we as a boisterous people should be as one United like America and join together in peace and harmony for the Leaders of US  Baraka Obama and Glorious DPRK Kim Jong Eun to meet and discuss with happiness and peaceful negotiations for all the people of the world. 

  16. Andrew Ault says:

    In splendid DPRK, missiles do not need to be constrained by Imperialist physics and do not follow a ballistic great circle flight path. This is because engines are ordered to use less fuel and the missile pilot flies with tremendous ardor and fortitude. 

  17. Edoardo Paolo says:

    Laugh all you want. It is what they actually wish you to do: underestimate them. Let your guard down while you laugh your balls off. Then, when cargo containers full of radioactive dirt, viral pathogens or toxic chemicals go off in our major cities and harbors, we will see who is still laughing. They don’t need missiles to do that and they are very well aware of it.

    • Finnagain says:

       And then they are immediately destroyed. They are very aware of that as well.

      • Heevee Lister says:

        One little problem: anything that will level North Korea will also level South Korea, and whatever remains of NK – which would be a lot – would then finish the job. 

        NK has had a lot of people working cheaply for generations.  They’ve been digging for a long time over there, and now most of their real military targets are buried deep under the mountains.  Bombing the place would kill a bunch of civilians both there and in the South, but leave most of their real military power and leadership untouched.

        They’re actually pretty good at this kind of chess game, I’m sorry to say.

        • Finnagain says:

           I’m not sure what you’re on about. Here’s my ten cent guess at how this would go: IF nk got seriously suicidal, they would launch everything they’ve got stacked up at the border toward Seoul. That would be bad, for Seoul. I wouldn’t rule out chemical or bio weapons. So there’s the first hour.

          After that, it all goes downhill for nk. They will get flattened. Anything that is anything is already targeted by sk and us. The only problem for this side is deciding exactly how much flattening is appropriate.

          There is no upside for nk in this. There is no scenario where they come out ahead. So, they might go ahead and push the button, if they’re seriously suicidal. Or, a minor computer glitch or nervous rocket crew will set it off. In the end, Seoul and everything north of there is quite flat.

    • Cowicide says:

      North Korea is playing the U.S. media and average American citizens.  This is very similar to how Osama Bin Laden played the neocons, the U.S. media and average American citizens into blowing our health and wealth on a 6 trillion dollar war.

      United States war profiteers really DO want to go to war with North Korea and therefore continue to provoke them with war exercises right off their shores.

      More on this here:
      http://www.fpif.org/articles/lurching_towards_war_a_post-mortem_on_strategic_patience

      North Korea (who does NOT really want to go to war) uses this as an excuse to freak out and use that leverage to make hollow threats in a desperate plea to lighten sanctions and get more money for food, etc.

      Now it’s just a matter of if the American people are going to be idiots and allow the war profiteers to lead them into yet another preventable war.

      More on this here:
      http://fair.org/take-action/media-advisories/iraq-war-ten-years-later/

      http://www.cnn.com/US/9910/04/korea.brink/

    • Antinous / Moderator says:

      underestimate them

      Not possible. The Democratic People’s Republic of Bumblefuck can always come in lower than estimates.

    • Harry909 says:

      Jersey Shore, I rest my case.

  18. knoxblox says:

    I’m just spitballing here, but I think Un is trying to take this as far as he can go until the U.S. is about to make a move towards actual war. Then, he can back off, spinning it to his own citizens that he frightened the U.S. so badly, that they were the ones to chicken out first.

    I mean, when your dad could hit 11 holes-in-one, and cause rainbows to appear, there’s nowhere to go but up.

    I predict a badly-made video of Un flying around above the U.S. like Superman and shooting laser beams out of his eyes pretty soon.

  19. Ian Anthony says:

    Couldn’t post just the pic without text so here is some text.

    • Antinous / Moderator says:

      Is it wrong that I want to see him and Justin Bieber singing a duet of You Don’t Bring Me Flowers?

  20. Matt Popke says:

    Does anybody else feel like maybe Dear Leader is a little more spineless than his dad was and that the military leaders of North Korea are the ones really in charge here?

    • Stefan Jones says:

      Quite possibly.

      And/Or: His lack of experience and influence means he has to prove something to the military. “See? My unhinged behavior means you’ll be the powers behind the throne for many years to come.”

  21. Derek Hunt says:

    Those are small scale maps.  Large scale maps show a small geographic area.

  22. chris jimson says:

    “who “enthusiastically welcomed [Kim Jong-Un] with rousing cheers of ‘hurrah!,’ looking up to him”

    Uhhhhh . . . “looking up to him”?

    Was he standing on a pedestal?

  23. Harry909 says:

    I always knew a MAC user would end the world.

  24. Mark Bellias says:

    After a fresh reading of “The Guns of August” it is a bit disturbing to see the parallels between the Kaiser pre WWI and the provocations of the Kim regime over the last 15 years.   It doesn’t take much extrapolation to see how one accident or provocation would quickly precipitate nuclear war on the Korean peninsula.   Who knows who tomorrow’s Archduke will be?   Or what the war would spill into?  Just the Koreas?  Would China find it opportunistic?  Would the US use it to perpetuate the steady erosion of civil liberties of its citizens?  

    I don’t know, and I don’t want to find out. I certainly hope that cooler heads here prevail.

    • TWX says:

      Well, if a hypothetical war with China remained conventional, I suspect that it would be held mostly in China’s theatre, and would be very costly in the sense that we’d probably instantly void all debt they hold and would immediately cease all trade with PRC.  Certainly the poor and the bottom half of the middle class in the US would suffer for awhile as goods that they’d grown accustomed to acquiring cheaply would no longer be cheap, but the need for goods would probably force American production to increase as well.  I expect that some additional trade would go to nations like India, though there would be some concerns for shipping.  And there’d be the Taiwan angle, RoC might decide that they really can lay claim to the mainland if they can attack and destroy the top of the party apparatus.  If nothing else it might turn into civil war within in addition to external war.

      Additionally, I expect that every major industry that imported from China could identify where their stuff was made, and those locations would get bombed into the stone age as quickly as possible to prevent our technology from being effectively used against us.

      This isn’t to say that a war with China would be easy, but I do think that it would be mostly defensive for the Chinese.

  25. Kevin Tipton says:

    Pretty sure photo is photoshopped.  If you copy pic and blow it up to 150% or 200% you can see outline of Florida (on map) through General’s hat or head gear. …. meaning the map was overlaid

  26. Rick. says:

    I’m enjoying the great leader’s chubby knuckles and mouth breathing.

Leave a Reply