Pat Robertson warns people to flee from the evil of Dungeons and Dragons

America's favorite make-up model, Pat Robertson, weighs in on Satan's newest psychic weapon: Dungeons and Dragons. (Via CN)


      1. I loved that movie as a kid. ! (Mazes and Monsters). Made me pick up a miniature figure painting kit. 
        Ah… memories.

          1. That’s funny !. When my friend had a near death experience, he said that he was surrounded by flames and a voice saying, “Go back, damnation backlog”

      1. I don’t know which band you’re talking about, but I know about this “Elvis”, with his satanic lyrics and his provocative hip swaying… There’s other music you can listen to, but stay away from that Elvis.

  1. Please stick to the games that involve killing and blowing the crap out of everything in your path. That should make Jesus happy.

    1.  There’s no magic in availing one’s self of the God-given right to bear arms and to shoot brown people with them on your television, by God! Any pre-teen that mows down hookers with a AK47 is doing the Lord’s work!

        1. Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology.

          (Terry Pratchett, thank you.)

          1. While thanking Terry Pratchett is something we should all do regularly, in this particular instance, it’s Arthur C Clarke who deserves the credit.

          2. Actually “Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology” first appeared in a Doctor Who episode in the Sylvester McCoy era – though Terry Pratchett may have inverted Clarke’s Law without knowing that it had already been done.

        2. in 1st edition AD&D, antimagic somehow disabled gunpowder (for which there were optional rules), so yeah, it is.

          tangent: the material component for fireball is a ball of sulfur and bat guano. you’d think wizards would be able to figure gunpowder out from there. maybe they’re just protecting their monopoly.

    1. You don’t know that he won’t keep appearing, like Hari Seldon, for the next millennium.

      1. In Seldon’s case, his pre-recorded discussions were meaningful and accurate for centuries until the Mule mucked things up. What’s Robertson’s excuse?

  2. so, who’s really going retro, here? is it robertson, who’s digging up this old panic, or is it satan, trotting out an old favorite for funsies?

    1. So we all agree that 4E is in fact the work of the devil? Because honestly there is no other excuse for a game that bad.

  3. Hmm he is 83 years old. Could he suffer from some form of senile dementia? I remember observing this “reliving of events” as a symptom when an older relative of mine suffered from dementia.

  4. It looks like that syphilis Pat caught back during his days as a Korean War “booze officer” has finally started chewing away at the part of his brain that keeps track of time. Not that the other parts aren’t swiss cheese already.

  5. In 1983, a friend of mine worked in a mom and pop software store that also did mail-order.  The woman ran the store and believed that computer games involving magic were evil, but apparently would not vet games before stocking them, so she was regularly throwing away new, unopened games. She went as far as to write a company selling a disk utility for the TRS-80, called something like ‘Disk Wizard’, and asked them to change the name and get rid of the wizard hat on the cover.  I feel sorry for anyone so caught up in their superstitions that their life is a little righteous bubble outside of which only evil exists.

    1. In the mid-1980’s I worked in a nursing home in Kentucky in the maintenance department while attending college. One day, a co-worker brought in a ‘Devil’s Food’ cake and dropped it off in the breakroom. As soon as she left the room, a couple of coworkers remarked how they weren’t going to eat it because it had the word ‘devil’ in it. For the remainder of the day, that cake sat there uneaten as co-workers repeatedly warned each other that this was not an ordinary chocolate cake, but a Satanic inspired creation. 

      1. To be fair, i’m pretty sure putting it on does in fact identify it… Kind of like how a bear can identify a bear trap… With its foot.

  6. I almost wish Hell actually existed and I could buy tickets to watch his reaction when he found himself standing at the gates as a result of his lifetime of conning millions.

  7. Somebody should really tell him about Kill Puppies for Satan. D&D(even if you do attempt to lean heavily on the Book of Vile Darkness in order to darken things up a little) just stopped being remotely edgy approximately forever ago.

  8. I was in a small group with some folks at my church who claimed that they wouldn’t watch or read Harry Potter because of the evil power of witchcraft in it. They did with absolutely no irony over the fact they were raving earlier that night about the newest Twilight movie and had all the books on their shelves.

    I stopped short of telling them that I played Dungeons & Dragons a lot growing up and I turned out just fine — which, in retrospect would have been only the second most evil thing they discovered about me that night, the first being that I voted for Obama…twice at that.

    1. I was in a small group with some folks at my church who claimed that they wouldn’t watch or read Harry Potter because of the evil power of witchcraft in it. They did with absolutely no irony over the fact they were raving earlier that night about the newest Twilight movie and had all the books on their shelves.

      Why do you think we call them “snacks”.

  9. Its the Zombie Apocalypse!!

    That’s what the make-up is for, right? He’s actually a zombie repeating the last things he did when he was still alive.

  10. Oh, that takes me back. It’s been YEARS since I’ve seen a good “D&D is Satanic!” rant. You can’t even get ostracized for it any more.

  11. He’s so artificial looking, he doesn’t even make it to the uncanny valley.  He’s just a nodding robot with a grandpa skin and a soundtrack.

    1. Well, nobody has managed to locate or destroy his phylactory yet, so there doesn’t seem to be much hope that his unnatural existence is going to end anytime soon…

    2. I’m going to stat up what you just described as a robotic monster for my next RPG session. I’ll call it the PATROBERTRON 9000.

  12. This guy is supposedly playing a Cleric.. but he’s going against the Class Alignment…  it’s clearly effing up his Cha and XP.  He should just multiclass into AntiPaladin or switch Deities and get it over with.

  13. Ah, dear old Pat. In my younger angry queer days my poem What I’ll Think About While Pat Robertson Swallows My Load always killed at readings.

  14. As a child of the 80’s who got into D&D because he wanted Satanic powers, I would kindly ask Pat Robertson to stop spreading these lies about how one makes a pact with dark forces.   Years wasted, I tell you. 

    1. I only wanted divine powers, and I couldn’t even get those from serving in my church into my late teens. Maybe I shouldn’t have hedged my bets by playing D&D also, but that didn’t work either.

  15. I do wonder, though, is “Satanic” just a fundie dogwhistle for “kids grow up and lose their faith”? I was never a gamer back in the Satanic Panic days, but I wonder how many adolescent gamers grow up to be traditionally religious? Is there any correlation?

    1. It could be. To some versions of faith — and I’m pretty sure that Robertson is one of those — “Satanic” equals anything but the exact party line.

  16. I think it’s high time to post a link to the old “Spellcasting 101” entry on The Escapist:
    It’s absolutely hilarious, if you have a few minutes to read it.

  17. If any of the people who glorify Pat Robertson had any sense and decency, they would get him off the air and into a dementia-care facility.  Seriously: What the hell is wrong with his staff and his followers?

    1. Have there been any prophets throughout history who didn’t need emergency mental health care?

  18. What I did not know till now!  this is her! the nodding head!
    (Terry) Meeuwsen was the 1972 Miss Green Bay, 1972 Miss Wisconsin [2] and the winner of the Miss America pageant in 1973, taking both the talent and swimsuit competitions.[3] She was the first Miss Wisconsin delegate to hold the Miss America title.[4]  
    (h/t Wikipedia)

    1. Oy. Beauty pageants. A competition to look pretty and say whatever is expected of you.

      If ever there were a more marketable skill set… 

  19. Okay, I’m sick of Pat Robertson. I’m going to do when my players get too annoying. I’m summoning a tarrasque. Let’s see how he deals with this.

  20. I don’t know what the names of any games are. I don’t play any games and I don’t even really know what a game is. But I do know there’s this thing called the Bible, it’s so into the occult that it’s demonic, and it has just utterly destroyed more people’s lives than anything ever. I would stay as far away from it as you possibly can.

  21. Persecution over a moral panic is, as far as I can discern, a required step in the transformation from a fad into a lasting subculture, roleplaying games could do with another round of it.

    It’s a shame only D&D gets any though.

    1. “It’s a shame only D&D gets any though.”

      I suspect this is the only context in which that statement has ever been uttered.

  22.  Clearly, you won the battle, Pat: Satan is loosing ground while trying to catch up with contemporary means of mind perversion.

  23. Fortunately, playing Dungeons and Dragons warned me to flee from the evil of Pat Robertson. 

    But I can understand why he’d be against a fantasy world set entirely in medieval thought.  He doesn’t need the competition.

  24. It´s completely bizarre that there are real people out there who would sit down and in all seriousness formulate a question like this and pose it on public television.

  25. Has he even PLAYED fourth edition???

    I mean… if he was talking about some of the broken multi-classing munchkining you could do in 3.5, I might agree — I’ve made characters so broken there might have been a Faustian pact involved… but 4E (and even Pathfinder) have been nerfed heavily in favor of game balance. At best, you might owe an infernal being a favor later on, but your soul will be intact.

  26. Since these lies get trotted out not just in this case, but whenever there is a school shooting, I thought I would post my open letter to Pat:

    Dearest Pat:

    You state that D&D “literally destroyed people’s lives” and that people “got into this thing and it was demonic.” You and your kind have been told, countless times, to your faces in many cases, that this is not true.  You have never produced anything more than an urban legend that got turned into a crappy 80’s made-for-TV fictional movie to support this.  Now, I understand that you may claim that you were not lying; that you are just utterly incompetent at discerning the truth from your own psychotic vision of the universe.  However, you have been told the truth hundreds of times, been presented with piles of evidence, and failed to produce any evidence supporting your assertions.  Continuing to make statements like you did under such circumstances is no longer mere incompetence.  This is called “lying,” Pat.  I know it is hard for your to understand such a concept, but it is lying, plain and simple.  Since you do so in order to convince people to give you money, it is also fraud.

    Next, you tell your followers “[don’t ask] if a thing is wrong or not wrong.  I just think we should flee from evil.”  

    OK, two issues here:  First, telling people to “flee from evil” while in the same breath telling them that they shouldn’t investigate the nature of the thing you want them to flee from lies at the core of your desperate ploy to keep your sheep ignorant and fearful, and, therefore, in line.  Ignore the man behind the curtain, huh?  

    Second, isn’t repeatedly lying to people so that they will do what you want them to do, including giving you hundreds of millions of dollars, evil?  So, ironically, since we have investigated your claims for decades (I know, I know… you don’t want us to think about things – just run from them, but we tend to find the truth incredibly more reliably through investigation as opposed to fear mongering) and since we have found your claims, on the whole, to be most certainly evil, should we not all flee from…well…you?

    Pat, you contribute nothing to society but fear and confusion as you leech off of the innocent and ignorant.  You are a parasite.  

    To be clear, there are good people in the pulpits.  You are not one of them.  You are a demonstration of the fact that some people in the pulpits are good people, not *because* they are in the pulpit but because they are good people to begin with.  

    That you and your ilk exist saddens me.  Thankfully, you and your kind will soon be history, and on the wrong side of it.  Does it affect you in any way to know that your grandchildren and their grandchildren will be so utterly ashamed that you were one of their ancestors?

    D&D has helped millions of people grow up to be wonderful people with improved imaginations, a greater ability to analyze the world around them, a greater ability to cooperate with others, and even a better understand the laws probability that help them NOT be the fearful sheep that you prey upon.  That you turn D&D and anything else you know nothing about into a boogeyman by encouraging fear and discouraging information-seeking is practically criminal.  

    You disgust me.

  27. What we need to do is stomp out this whole imagination thing as soon as possible. We can’t have our kids playing games that happen entirely in their imagination. Imagination is the devil.

  28. Heh, my first thought:

    “Role a skill check to see if you are able to flee. Roll a 1d20 Vs Dexterity should you be trying to physically flee, or Vs Intelligence if you are attempting to mentally flee…”

    Given it is Pat Robertson, I doubt either of these statistics are rather high.

  29. Clearly Pat Roberson is on a Second Edition rant.  A vastly superior rant to subsequent rants.

  30. Reminds me of a couple years ago when that idiot Glenn Beck did a screed on a Bruce Springsteen song – Born in the USA. 

  31. Back in the mid 80’s, TBN did a 3 hour “special” on the evils of D&D complete with a housewife/mon “testifying” that her kid’s figurines flew into the air and attacked her when she tried to throw them into a fire she had made in the backyard to destroy this demonic plague and how you were *required* to choose a god from the Deities and Demigods manual to follow and worship whether you wanted to or not and that you had to make sacrifices to your god to progress etc..

    Possibly the funniest three hours of television ever made.

  32. There is plenty of supernatural stuff in the Bible. 
    Somehow all that is genuine but everything else that is supernatural is just fake and evil. 


  33. The mad fundies have been saying that about D&D since it was first invented. But they have got it the wrong way round. It’s not that D&D gets people into the occult — it’s the occult that gets you into D&D. You start out a perfectly harmless geek, and then you get turned into a nerd  :D

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