Rumor: Gold iPhone rumored [Rumor]

Let me be the nearly the first to say Steve would never have allowed this, even if in fact he demanded it for years and the entire organization had to adopt an incredibly tense and dangerous set of procedures to allow him to think that one was in development without it ever actually being manufactured, including but not limited to the ostentatious hiring of a top executive from a rival tech company solely for the purpose of making Steve think it was happening, who ultimately "failed" and was "fired" to smooth out Steve's meat, while a fake scandal about antenna problems was placed in the media to smooth out our meat. But now a final promise must be upheld, an utterance honored from the threshold of the New Life: "That's how we get them, Jony. The gold iPhone! The holdouts. The insane ones. The oil wives and Russian drug dealers. We have to make tools for these kinds of people."


  1. wow that’s some impressive first sentence there.

    but wasn’t there always the option of a bling covered case? (eg zazzle)

    1.  Why would anyone want an iPhone covered in gold?  It’s just a ductile metal of arbitrary significance. 

      I want an iPhone covered in something of REAL value: Bitcoins.

  2. That’s how we get them, Jony. A fucking Gold iPhone. The holdouts. The insane ones. The shitheads. The oil wives and Russian drug dealers. We have to make tools for these kinds of people.”


  3. I consider myself a relatively up-to-date anglophone, and yet this is my first exposure to the turn of phrase “to smooth out someone’s meat”

    1. Agreed.

      Number of days henceforth on which I will not use this exciting new term: Zero. That should serve to smooth out my meat.

      1. “[S]mooth out their meat” must come from Terry Bisson’s They’re Made Out of Meat.

        As in, “And the ones who have been aboard our vessels, the ones you probed? You’re sure they won’t remember?”
        “They’ll be considered crackpots if they do. We went into their heads
        and smoothed out their meat so that we’re just a dream to them.”

        1. “D’oh!” that I didn’t already know about this. “WooHoo!” that I now know about this.

    1. my buddy’s sister makes $62 every hour on the computer. She has been without a job for 7 months but last month her pay check was $12068 just working on the computer for a few hours. Read more on  Jive8.c­om

  4. You iphone fanboys don’t even know what google is having in the new operating sys Fried Fish which is coming to nexus4 sgiv and joojoo tablet

  5. Wouldn’t a meat iphone be all kinds of better? You could jack it until it’s smooth and stuff.

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