Paul Verhoeven eyes director's chair in new Schwarzenegger Conan flick

Robocop director Paul Verhoeven, noted for his films' ultraviolence and politically-tinged black humor, wishes to direct Arnold Schwarzenegger as an older, grayer Conan. 65-year-old Schwarzenegger starred under Verhoeven in the original version of Total Recall; no director has officially been selected for the new project, provisionally titled Conan The Legend.

Here are the top 5 movies that should have been directed by Paul Verhoeven, but were not.

1. Dredd (2012)
2. Hunger Games (2012)
3. Machete (2010)
4. Avatar (2009)
5. Hollow Man (2000)

Just think how awesome those movies would have been if Paul Verhoeven had directed them.


    1. Ha, that’s one of the places I went as well, along with the L. Sprague DeCamp/Lin Carter “Conan Of The Isles” (Conan in his mid-sixties abdicates the throne of Aquilonia and goes to proto-Mesoamerica, where no one can pronounce his name right and keep calling him Kukulkan…).

    2. (i only came to the comments to confirm that someone had made a Prachett reference. Glad not to be disappointed)

      1. I don’t believe that there will ever be a last film by Alan Smithee.  In fact, I believe that he’s been doing a lot of directing lately but I keep seeing other people take the credit…

  1. As much as I love me some Paul Verhoeven, I thought Avatar and Machete were handled just fine by their respective directors. I humbly submit Death Race (2008) and Total Recall (2012) in their place. I don’t know if that’s a knock on Hollow man, if you’re knocking, knock Showgirls.

  2. While it’d be fun to see him handle Conan, I’m sort of baffled by listing Dredd (2012).  I thought that movie was pulled off quite well, though admittedly I’m measuring it against Judge Dredd (1995).

    1. Came here to write this. Dredd (2012) was one of the best movies to come out last year and the arguably the best action movie since the Matrix. Kind of pissed people won’t even give that movie a chance.

      1. Right on! Dredd is a strikingly faithful adaptation. The people who made it obviously love the material. It’s amazing how often the principals involved in such projects don’t make it over that seemingly low bar.

      2. Has anyone who saw Dredd (2012) seen The Raid: Redemption (2011)? I realize that films take awhile to make, and the similarities may be a fluke, but they are interesting to compare. In any case the hand-to-hand combat in The Raid is mindboggling.

        1. One of the few times I have been exhausted was after watching the movie, “The Raid”. Truly an incredible feat that movie. Loved both movies actually. Rumors are afoot that a sequel is in the works for Dredd. ( fingers crossed)

          1. Dredd lost money in theatrical release, but apparently the home video sales are good enough that it’s profitable (or getting there), so the idea has been floated.  Not sure that means the sequel is actually in the works yet, though.

    2. Dredd had the ultraviolence, but none of the humor. This is why it wasn’t very successful, despite its other qualities. 

      Verhoeven would have perfectly translated the comic’s dark, black-as-ink laughs to the screen.

  3. I wish he had done The Passion of the Christ.  He was actually talking, some years before that movie was made, about doing a Jesus bio-pic (in Aramaic, no less) that was totally irreligious.  It would have been awesome.

    1. I’ve heard him talk about it on Dutch TV. Zomergasten, VPRO TV, of August 22, 2010; I looked it up. It’s still on his bucket list for what I know.

  4. “65-year-old Conan, what is the best in life?”
    “To keep those damn kids off my lawn.  An early bird special.  Maybe a nice warm Geritol..”

    1. … and to turn off your hearing aid, so you don´t hear the lamentation of the women anymore.

  5. The top 5 movies that should not have been directed by Verhoeven, but were:

    1. Starship Troopers
    2. Robocop
    3. Hollow Man
    4. Show Girls
    5. Everything else he’s touched (at least since he left the Netherlands)

    Just think how awesome these movies would have been without the soullessness and/or hyper-violent, campy cheese.

    1. I saw the remake of Total Recall. Had no soul. I can guarantee that the remake of Robocop will be an abomination on all fronts.
      That being said, Robocop and Starship Troopers are a multilayered work that to me, has a lot going for it, and why Verhoeven still is regarded today. The hyper violent campy cheese is intentional and listening to his commentaries on the dvds shines a light to his processes on this and others.

      1.  I know, we’ll make a reboot of Total Recall without all the things which made it cool!

        1. Mars (that’s kine of a big one, replaced with Australia)
        2. JohnnyCab. (Replace with self driving product placement.)
        3. Benny “I got 5 kids to feed!” (irreplacable)
        4. Pulling a golf ball out of the nose (replaced by cutting some skin off the hand, boring)
        5. Michael Ironside’s character (merged into Kate Beckinsale’s Lori, and I’m sorry, but Kate Beckinsale < Michael Ironside + Sharon Stone)
        6. Hologram watch
        7. Kuato as mutant belly twin (replaced by Bill Nighy's general pathos I guess)
        8. Carl Hauser's awesome recorded 'Guess what — you ARE the bad guy' speach to himself.
        9. "The walls of reality will come crashing down around you" followed by guys literally breaking down the walls. (This scene makes sense on two levels, the scene in the new one works on zero levels)
        10. "Consider that a divorce!" (It's this line which convinced me that the whole movie is critique of dumb hyperviolent action movies, saying you shouldn't take them too seriously or you'll become psychotic and disassociated with reality, while simultaneously being an excellent hyperviolent action movie. Literally one of the worst quips in the history of action movie one liner quips, and by worst I mean in the sense of what kind of awful person would you have to be, really, to make that after shooting your 'wife' in the face)

        And then let's make it the dumbest film I've seen since Die Hard 4 (which I didn't realize was by the same director until later)

    1. The full version of Machete wasn’t quite as awesome as the potential glimpsed in the original fake trailer, but it’s definitely Rodriguez’s baby. No way Verhoeven or anybody else should have touched it.

      1. It was literally impossible for the full version to be that awesome, and  also extend over a theatrical run-time, and also stay true to the low budget ethos. But yes, it’s awesome for what it is.

  6. CONAN?!  By the god of violence and gratuitous nudity in the same movie?!


    1. Dredd (2012)

    —  There was a new Judge Dredd movie?  Yeah, def. should have been done by Verhoeven.  Hands down.

    2. Hunger Games (2012)

    — OH HELL YES!  We need a generation of teens raised on a seminal movie of bloody naked people.  They don’t know what they’re missing.

    3. Machete (2010) 

    — Maybe we can get him for Hobo With A Shotgun?

    4. Avatar (2009)

    — Lots and lots of blue titties.  So on board.

    5. Hollow Man (2000) 

    — Nobody remembers this.  Maybe we can get a remake?

    On a side note, can we get a Terry Gilliam/Terry Pratchett collaboration on a Cohen The Barbarian movie?!  Because that’d be awesome.

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