Law enforcement guide to Satanic Cults, 1994: classic terror-TV clip

Via Dangerous Minds, a rare clip from a 1994 television program warning of the dangers that lurk within local neighborhood parks throughout America: namely, homosexuals and Satanists. More background on the series here. One word, people: mullet.


  1. If he actually believes the rope is covered in blood, then why is he touching it with his bare hands?

    1.  Apparently in this dude’s space time continuum neither AIDS nor decent men’s hair styling was discovered until 1995.

    1. And the kind of square guy in the background at the end toting a bag and looking like he’s happily walking to the office. Oooooohhhh scary park!

      And the host looks like such a creeper. Like HE is the guy you’d want your kids to steer clear of.

    2.  look the satanists use the exact same chalk only 2 trees away from the pagans and their pentagrams have the exact same misshapen squashed design!

      …but where oh where is the gay graffiti?  don’t they also communicate through chalk markings according to this guy?

      while this video was super amusing…the ignorance and hate that it paves over with unintentional humor is not.  i hope no one ever took any of this seriously.

  2. This is so silly. Everyone knows that the entire Satanic Cult thing was just a cover up that the greys perpetuated to mask their activities here on Earth during the 90s.  

    1. After following that link, I’m glad to see so many institutions are still holding onto a VHS of this highly educational film…including apparently the FBI library at Quantico!  Oi…

  3. If homosexuals and satanists ‘go hand in hand’ it’s because they are merely exchanging long protein strings.  If you can think of a simpler way, I’d like to hear it.  

  4. It’s disturbing to think how much damage was done when law enforcement departments took videos like this seriously.  (Actually it’s disturbing to think that anyone even took this seriously to begin with.)  Beyond the famous cases like the West Memphis three, I wonder how many people were arrested and even convicted based on belief in BS like this.

    1.  мy rooмαтe’ѕ eх-wιғe мαĸeѕ $64 нoυrly oɴ тнe lαpтop. ѕнe нαѕ вeeɴ oυт oғ α joв ғor 6 мoɴтнѕ вυт lαѕт мoɴтн нer pαy wαѕ $20958 jυѕт worĸιɴɢ oɴ тнe lαpтop ғor α ғew нoυrѕ. ɢo тo тнιѕ weв ѕιтe αɴd reαd мore Zap2­2­.c­o&shym&shy

    2. The Kern County D.A. destroyed a whole bunch of families’ lives forever with that big “Satan-Worshipping-Child-Molester-Rings” witch hunt back in the 80s. Dozens of parents had their children taken away, almost all did hard time, and some died in prison without ever getting a chance to clear their names. The lead prosecutor Ed Jagels had a long and successful career, naturally.

      1. I was going to bring this up…this bogus Satanism scare wasn’t so funny to people like my mom, a neopagan/’witch’ who was really into alternative religion who also had a 6-year old and a 10-year-old kid in 1994. 

        I had to keep my family’s religion a strict secret, for fear of someone at school over-reacting and a modern-day witch-hunt beginning. That is HARD for a 4-10 year old to do.

    3. Now it’s statistics instead of Satanists. There are several high-profile cases of health care workers in prison for murder because somebody cooked some numbers to say that it was statistically impossible for their patients to have died of natural causes, thus murder. No other evidence. Spectral evidence seems to rear its ugly head in one form or another quite regularly.

        1. It’s quite horrifying that they can just make shit up, pay an ‘expert’ to confirm it and send someone to prison or the execution chamber.

  5. Hard to remember how big a scare this was at one time.  The figures being given out for Satanic sacrifice were in excess of the American casualties in the Vietnam War.  The FBI guy in charge of child abuse cases liked to point this out at lectures by asking everyone who had a relative or friend die in the war to raise their hand, you’d always get a few, and then ask everyone who had a relative or friend that knew of a mysteriously disappeared child, no one ever raised a hand.

    Satanism was a Christian heresy of the aristocracy of feudal France which was wiped out along with the rest of the aristocracy during the Revolution.  Assorted neo-Satanist groups have popped up since then but their record, as far as statutory criminal activity, is probably better than society in general.

    Mind you, there are scraps of truth in these scares.  Child sexual-abuse gangs, usually related by blood, sometimes tell their victims that they must not tell about the abuse because they are all members of a Satanic Cult which will wipe out all squealers.  (“We’re part of the Mafia” is also a popular lie here.) As far as an abused 4 year-old is concerned this is reality.   The occult knowledge  of these people is limited to the iconography of Heavy Metal albums.

     Occasionally such children end up in careers in law enforcement (a real life version of the classic comic book Origin) and project these formative stories of their childhood onto real life situations and cause a tragic witch hunt in some local day-care centre.

    There are also the vanishingly small proportion of other heretical Christian cults who actually do all of the things mentioned in the video and then some.  Here in Ontario we haven’t had any human sacrifices of children whose births were never recorded since the 80s.  This was Roch Theriault’s cult and involved about a dozen people in their backwoods commune. 

    1. “Satanism was a Christian heresy of the aristocracy of feudal France which was wiped out along with the rest of the aristocracy during the Revolution.”

      What are you referring to here? Link? Googling “satanism french revolution” or “satanism french aristocracy” only turns up decidedly non-credible sources (conspiracy theories about the illuminati and such)

      1. Casual Google searches and Wikipedia are crap sources for research in this area.  Especially since the conspiracy links outrank all of the non-fictional links.  It’s like trying to find an actual article on undersea bases without getting swamped in links to articles about the  Grey Aliens’ undersea kingdoms.  Can’t be done.  Try Canada’s Library of the Occult at for decent sources. (Disclosure: I know and have worked with the executive director Mike Kropveld.)

        The French Satanic references are to the “Chambre Ardente Affair” trials of 1679 to 1682.  Probably the only Witch Trials with any basis at all in fact.

        The Wikipedia article is very incomplete and also wrong in places.  Much better is the book “Savage Messiah” although that too is muddled in places.  Best is Gabrielle Lavallée’s autobiography of her life in the cult.  The movie (starring Luc Picard as Theriault!) isn’t half bad either.

        Yes, the word “other” in “other heretical Christian cults” means I’m referring to non-Satanism cults.  Theriault didn’t think he was following God;  he thought he was God.

        The death I’m referring to is that of a baby killed in one of Roche’s botched “Psychic Surgery” rituals. When the cops were digging bodies up out of the backyard of the commune they were going to stop after they’d accounted for all of the children, living and dead, whose births were on government record. My associate, Rob Tucker of the Cult watch group C.O.M.A., pointed out that maybe someone who thought they were God Almighty might not have been terribly careful with the paperwork.  More exhumations followed.

      2. The French aristocracy liked to play at Satanism as a kind of decadent game more than anything.  But it’s really one of the only times there were any non-mentally ill people actually practicing stereotypical, “media Satanism,” that is, an inversion of Christianity.

  6.   “Cult graffiti!” AKA stoned Ozzy-listening teenagers who buy a paperback copy of the “Necronomicon” at the local mall and decide to draw spooky symbols in the park out of sheer suburban boredom.  

      1. spray-paint “SATIN LIVES!!!” on the walls

        Actually, that graffiti was from one of the neo-fabric cults.

        1. I’m tempted to claim that graffiti as work of The Homosexual Agenda. 

          But in good conscience I cannot, because, girlfriend, satin never died.

    1. *slowly raises hand* Oh, wait, you were just… *quickly lowers hand* Carry on.

  7. A bunch of high-spirited teenagers (well, probably, I’m just guessing) broke into the neighbor’s shed and spray-painted upside-down crosses & pentagrams and stuff all over the place.  I noticed first, so I went over and knocked and told him “the damn Christians vandalized yer shed!”.  He looked puzzled, but waited until he saw all the satanistic graffiti before he said “what do you mean Christians?” and I did my best to look equally puzzled, and said “well, look at it – they sure as hell weren’t Buddhists!

    I still giggle when I remember the look on his face.  People always forget that to non-Christians, satanists are just another branch of their cult, like Lutherans or Anabaptists.

    1. I once tried to make this kind of connection with Slayer to Christianity with a die-hard Slayer fan… It ended poorly.

      1.  I can totally believe that!  Try telling a militant born-again that he’s no different from a Catholic in your eyes, and that’ll probably end poorly too.

    1. You’re sure it wasn’t the Colbert’s WØRD OF THE DAY, moonlighting in this instructional video?

  8. “Satanists” don’t frighten me. Guys who pair jeans with a big-shouldered, orphaned suit jacket (worn over a SWEATSHIRT?!?) which they refuse to unbutton while sitting down, scare me.

    They clearly do not appreciate the DARK FORCES they have awakened.

    But I’m cool with the mullet.

  9. It’s a little less of a joke when it gets an innocent person jailed, institutionalized, or killed.  Look up the name “Damien Echols”.

  10. “Hey we’re Satanists, and we’re partying!”  totally going to sample that before MLWTTKK does.

  11. Am I the only one who thinks the trail of symbols was just a little too orderly? And the host knew what every single one meant, no ambiguity. He never once said, “And this one is…  well it just looks like a lobster or something. I dunno.” And he knew exactly where to pick up the drug vial, and what Lidocaine does. It’s almost as if those wily Satanists tailored their clues to his personal level of knowledge.

  12. So red, black and white are “classic Satanic colors.” Hey, those were my high school colors . . . OH MY GOD. This explains so much.

      1. Haha nooooo . . . Mt. Miguel High School. It was years after graduation before I could bring myself to wear red and black together again.

  13. “White red and black, these are the dominant colours of the satanic movement.” Those are Manchester United’s colours. I knew it!

  14. Funny! I’ve lived across the street from this hell-hole since 1987 – it’s Buena Vista Park in the Haight!  Scariest thing is the real-estate prices.  Someone did sacrifice a chicken at the top one year on Thanksgiving.  

  15. Around 6:24 he says the words: “…this is used as a NUMB-ent…”, methinks he has invented a new word!

  16. You wouldn’t use lidocaine to “numb someone”. You would use something like rocuronium. A dose of lidocaine might make it so they can’t feel pain locally, but it isn’t enough to allow you to sacrifice somebody. You would need a lot more than just a vial to do that.
     Someone obviously with “medical knowledge” like this dude professes to have ought to be able to figure that out.

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