Christians sue Satanists

Catholic archbishop Paul Coakley has sued a satanist group over stolen wafers that represent the transubstantiated body of Christ. A promise by the satanists that their forthcoming "sacrifice" would comply with public urination laws appears not to have mollified him.

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  1. Of course you can, from any church supply house. And they don't check ID.

    If you're Protestant, it magically happens when you eat them, but if you're Catholic, it's a whole other level of magic. The wafers change when the priest changes them, and stay changed for good.

    It was an issue in the Middle Ages, with peasants stealing the host and using it to cure their sick cows. This is technically witchcraft. The Protestant answer was no, it doesn't work that way. The Catholic answer was better locks.

  2. Transubstantiation is one of the creepiest parts of Christianity anyway.

    "Here, have this cracker."
    "Ok"
    "Got you! We turned it into the flesh of our savior right after you ate it. Now you're a cannibal!"
    "Gosh darn it"
    "I know, it's a big shock, here drink some of this wine to calm down."
    "I guess alcohol is ok in our religion"
    "Got you again! It turned to blood, now you're a double cannibal!"
    "Stop that!"

  3. Gluten free!

    (May contain Jesus byproducts)

  4. I'm not sure this is an approach the Christians are going to want to pursue. It's safe to assume that Satan has most of the lawyers.

  5. If you cut the belief systems out, then it becomes easier ton understand. Club B steals consumables from Club A and brags about it, Club A threatens to sue. It doesn't matter that Club A is more established/mainstream and Club B wants to maintain a "bad boy" underdog image, it's still unlawful and unethical.

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