WHEN WEIRD, SPACE MIME WAS STILL POPULAR AT AMUSEMENT PARKS

LAST NIGHT, I was talking to some people in our nation's capital about THE BATTLE OF GALACTICA.

(I was talking to them the way I normally talk to people, BEHIND A PODIUM, USING A MICROPHONE.)

As I trust you recall, this was a dark ride on the Universal Studios Tour in the early eighties that was ENTIRELY NON FICTIONAL, and which I visited when I was a human child. The ride was a BSG 1.0 tie-in in which your Universal Studios tram is captured by Cylons who apparently are attempting to invade the San Fernando Valley. They then hold your tram hostage in a makeshift space station, shooting their lasers around until you are rescued by two Colonial Warriors.

(WHY do these trams get into so much trouble? The answer is unknown.)

As I stressed to the people of Washington, it is important to know that the Colonial Warriors were not animatronic -- they were played by ACTUAL HUMAN ACTORS. (The Cylons, by contrast, were indeed animatronic, which I guess is another way of saying they were played by ACTUAL INHUMAN ROBOTS).

BUT: what I did not discover until years later, as I was piecing together my strange memories of this attraction via internet, was that these actors NEVER SPOKE. Instead, their lines were pre-recorded years before, presumably by other, better actors, and played over a loudspeaker -- a weird kind of torture which makes the ride now seem much more scary.

RECENTLY I discovered some amazing behind the scenes videos of the ride, presumably shot by these very actors, including one in which you actually follow along behind a Colonial Warrior as he runs through the ride doing his weird space mime, gesturing his head as though he were speaking. See "Following a Hero" -- the video portion begins after a series of stills.

I AM ESPECIALLY FOND of the video of the Battle of Galactica break room called "Back Stage at Battle of Galactica." See if you can spot the barbell, the completely incongruous map on the wall, and the man dressed as a Colonial Warrior writing a letter home. A letter which presumably contains only the word "WHY?" written over and over and over.

AS AN accidental TV personality and wholly fraudulent "actor," I often enjoy looking at this video whenever my head gets too big (usually at 10AM, and then again at 4PM).

MANY THANKS INDEED to Dale Long of byyourcommand.net, which is pretty much your one stop shop for BATTLE OF GALACTICA photos and videos.

That is all.