The Ultimate Scratching Post is not for amateurs. It is a serious piece of furniture. It is designed to be the central axis of your home, around which all things revolve. To be used by cats of high intellect, who claw the fabric of the universe itself.
I love the Ultimate Scratching Post as much as my cats do, as we are all mindlessly driven to claw its rough fabric whenever we are near it. The other members of my family have allowed us to keep this unholy totem of our primitive natures, for we have stopped shredding our old favorite target—the couch.
The scratcher is the fount of all pleasure upon this sinful plane. I can see nothing in my future beyond the sweet release of death and the alluring surface of this upholstered monolith. I am but a simple creature of desire, and I wish for nothing more than to be with the scratching post forever. I will be buried with it.
