At this point, the supernatural force known as Florida Man should be classified in the same bracket as the Loch Ness Monster and The Chupacabra. Although countless mortal men have been associated with the deeds of Florida Man, the truth behind these repeated occurrences of rampant lawlessness in the Sunshine state is infinitely more supernatural than the media would have you believe.
Florida Man is an ethereal being that can only possess human males somewhere between their fifth shot of vodka and their third violent offense. As an incorporeal entity, Florida Man is privy to a host of arcane knowledge that exists far beyond the scope of human comprehension. Ergo, when Florida Man talks, we should listen.
When Corey Johnson found himself housing Florida Man's celestial energy, he valiantly retained his sanity long enough to share what Florida Man knew. Under Florida Man's control, Johnson stole a Ford F-150 and drove to the Space Force base in Brevard County to warn them of an impending war. Johnson tried to warn us of a war between aliens and Chinese Dragons. Sadly, like Galileo, Johnson was imprisoned for his radical observations – and, ya know, the whole grand theft auto thing too.
According to his arrest affidavit, Johnson said he was ordered by President Biden in his head to steal the truck and drive it to the Space Force base to "warn the government' about "U.S. aliens fighting with Chinese dragons." The Florida man, who has been booked into Brevard County Jail, was charged with grand theft of a motor vehicle. His bond was reportedly set at $3,000.
