New bulletproof SUV for suburban moms comes with pepper spray cannons and more

The Rezvani Vengeance is a $300,000 sports utility vehicle that doubles as a perfect microcosm for everything wrong with upper-middle-class America First white suburbanites. The ugly-ass truck as everything you need to drive the 2 miles to your kid's football practice, including bullet proof glass, a smoke screen, "military-grade" runflat tires, electrified door handles, strobe lights, an intercom system explosive device detection and protection, a thermal night vision system, ram bumpers, and more.

Did I mention it also comes with bullet-resistant (though they claim bullet "proof") armor and helmets and gas masks, with their own built in storage? Those sort of features are surprisingly effective at protecting the fragile egos of white people who are scared to drive in cities. But just in case they ever take a wrong turn and end up in a terrifying neighborhood with a population density greater than 2,000 households per square mile, the Rezvani Vengeance will hopefully placate their fears of being called "Karen" by an evil mob of trans immigrant anarchists.

Anyway here's a fascinating little tidbit from The Guardian:

According to the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety, drivers behind the wheel of an SUV are two to three times more likely to kill a pedestrian in a collision than when driving a regular car. A study in Michigan found that, at 20-39 mph, 30% of SUV crashes resulted in a pedestrian fatality, compared with 23% of car crashes. While, at 40mph or above, 100% of SUV crashes resulted in a pedestrian death, compared with 54% of car crashes.


It is no coincidence that the rise in SUV sales comes with an alarming rise in the number of pedestrians being killed on the roads. According to a Governors Highway Safety Association report, pedestrian fatalities have rocketed by 54% over the last decade. Cars might have grown safer for the people inside them, but not for walkers, cyclists or bikers. It is, as the New York Times put it, an exceptionally American problem. While other comparably developed countries have seen traffic fatalities falling in recent years, the US is alone in seeing an increase – even during the pandemic.

SUVs are killing us in another way too, as some of the world's worst polluters. It was recently found that they are the second biggest cause of the global rise in carbon dioxide emissions over the past decade, eclipsing all shipping, aviation, heavy industry and even trucks. If all SUV drivers banded together to form their own country – the Republic of Vengeance? – it would rank as the seventh largest emitter in the world.

You can "reserve your vengeance" today for only $1500 down!