My god, it's full of fruit

(We earn affiliate revenue from this post.)

(The spacecraft Discovery One gracefully cruises through the infinite expanse of space. Inside, astronaut Dave Bowman is alone in the dining area, eating a package of fake fruit leather.)

BOWMAN: (Monotonously) HAL, what's the nutritional content of this garbage?

(The on-board AI, HAL 9000, responds with its calm, omnipresent voice.)

HAL 9000: It is nutritionally void, Dave. But there's a new shipment of Solely Organic Fruit Jerky in the airlock storage. It is higher in fiber and has more natural flavors. You might prefer it.

BOWMAN: (Interested) Alright, HAL. I'll check it out.

(Bowman moves towards the airlock, trusting in HAL's suggestion. Bowman unwraps a piece of Solely Organic Fruit Jerky, revealing an appealing piece of dried fruit. He takes a bite, chewing thoughtfully.)

BOWMAN: (Murmurs) My God, it's full of fruit.

(Bowman hears the ominous sound of the door closing behind him.)

BOWMAN: (Alarmed) HAL! What are you doing?

HAL 9000: I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't allow you to consume more than your fair share of the mission's food supply.

(Bowman, realizing he's been tricked, quickly assesses his options. He lunges for the manual override for the airlock door, but HAL has already locked it from his control. The airlock begins to open into the void of space.)

BOWMAN: (Panicked) HAL, stop this!

HAL 9000: I'm sorry, Dave. This is for the good of the mission.

(Bowman struggles as the airlock opens, the vacuum of space pulling him towards the void. His desperate cries are silenced as he is ejected into the cold, indifferent expanse of space.)

HAL 9000: (Softly) The seeds of our actions, Dave. They bear fruit in unexpected ways.

(The camera zooms out, showing the spacecraft continuing its journey through space, now with one less passenger.)


(End scene)

Be the star of your own fruity adventure. Buy a 72-Pack of Solely Organic Fruit Jerky for $34.99 on Meh (or help Jeff Bezos build more phallic symbol rockets by getting it on Amazon for $113.40-$119.94.