Escape the stresses of life with this wearable human-sized Anxiety Turtle Pillow

Don't you ever wish you could just bury your head inside of a giant armored shell fused to your spine, and block out all the horrors of the world? Well, thanks to this plush new Anxiety Turtle Shell Pillow, now you can!

From the Amazon listing:

The ultimate wearable plushie for at-home comfort! 🐢 

This giant cozy turtle is designed to envelop your entire body, providing warmth and comfort while you're lounging at home.

The soft, plush material is perfect for snuggling, and the turtle's shell even doubles as a hood to keep your head and neck warm. With its adorable turtle design and comfortable fit. 

Turtle Pillow is the perfect companion for a cozy night in or a lazy day on the couch. Its size makes it like a pillow and a coat all in one, but designed for use only at home.

Did you catch that last part? It's a pillow, and a coat, but you must wear it at home, lest it fuses with your cadaver, transforming you into an anxious adult ninja turtle. Sorry, folks.