Venture capitalists are putting on their own Olympics—with steroids allowed

There's really nothing like anabolic steroids. Such legendary sporting figures as Lance Armstrong and Jose Canseco swore by these completely harmless performance enhancers, only to face backlash from those stuffed shirts on top. Who needs things like "sportsmanship", "honest competition" and "fairness" anyway? If you at all align with that completely whacked viewpoint, the Enhanced Games might be for you.

This privately-held sporting competition bills itself as "the new Olympics", with one key difference: performance enhancers, including steroids, are not only allowed but encouraged. You, too, can join the ranks of athletes proudly touting themselves as "Enhanced".

There's no actual date or even window announced yet, per the Games' website, but they've already managed to secure some big-money backers. The entire website is a trip in and of itself, with every aspect of it designed to sanitize the unsafe and dishonest practice of doping. There's even an entire section likening performance-enhancing drug usage to being transgender. All of the Games' official media would read like parody if it were even a little less straight-faced, but this is horribly, depressingly real. "Celebrating what the human body can do with the help of science" just seems like a particularly flowery way of saying "giving a sprinter a heart attack on the track."