Trump butchers Gettysburg history, delivers brain-melting "lecture"

You know it's going to be a treat when Donald Trump starts ramblng about history. At a rally in Pennsylvania last night, the former president treated his cult-like followers to a baffling "lecture" about the Battle of Gettysburg that was heavy on word salad, light on facts.

"Their's wush much worse," he slurred. "It's where the army weathered its brutal winter at Valley Forge, where General George Washington led his men on a daring mission across the Delaware, and where our union was saved by the immortal heroes at Gettysburg, what an unbelievable battle that was."

His profound analysis continued: "The Battle of Gettysburg, what an unbelievable, I mean it was so much and so interesting and so vicious and horrible and so beautiful in so many different ways." Thanks for that riveting play-by-play, Professor Clogged-Shnozzle!

Mrs. Betty Bowers summed up the history lesson better than anyone: "Donald Trump always talks about history (or, well, anything) like a fourth-grader doing a book report on a book he didn't read."