Cooking isn't hard! Just use this semen cookbook

You're probably wondering how I got here.


But if you've ever done the deed, thrown out the evidence and thought, gee, this seems like a waste of good protein, you're not alone. Paul "Fotie" Photenhauer came to this conclusion way before you.

Reader, it's time for a meat cute, I'd like to introduce you to Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes. Enough small talk, let's get down to the ins and outs of this thing.

Semen, Photenhauer explains, is nutritious, palatable, inexpensive and readily available "in many, if not most, homes and restaurants". So why is it neglected as a viable food source? That's a rhetorical question, but if you are swayed, why not try your hand at a three course spread. Get in the mood with "Lumpier Lumpia", keep it exciting with "Roasted Lamb with Good Gravy", have an exciting finish with the "Chocolate Truffles with White Center" and toast to your efforts with an "Almost White Russian".

If you'd like this homage to the gastronomy of happy endings to grace your bookshelf, order it here.

Or lustily peruse via the Internet Archive here. It's probably the only vaguely safe for work content sharing the tags 'cum' and 'drinking' on the whole internet.