I was walking down Melrose Avenue in West Hollywood the other day and as I rounded the corner at Laurel Avenue I spotted something that literally made me scream out loud in surprise and terror. My walking companions, who were several feet behind me, were alarmed and rushed over to see what was happening. They were relieved that I was ok, but when they saw the hideous beast, they immediately understood my agitated state, and we all stood there weeping together. My eyes are still burning from viewing this grotesque behemoth, so I feel compelled to share my pain with you. I'm so sorry, but it's my duty.
Behold perhaps the most revolting vehicle I've ever encountered: a neon green "Cyberbeast," which I recently learned is what Tesla calls its "Cybertruck flagship." According to Motor Trend, the Cyberbeast "annihilates" both "supercars" and "common sense." Motor Trend explains that the "record-shattering electric hypertruck is fast, fun, and deeply flawed." They go on to state:
Yes, the Cyberbeast is the quickest truck of all time, by considerable margins. It's so rapid it doesn't only dominate every other truck, but speeds away from some iconic supercars. Don't think that's all there is to it, though—intense acceleration is only part of the Cyberbeast's absurdity.
Well, at least they got the "absurdity" part right—this ghastly thing costs $119,990.
But what if you see one that's not in motion, blasting past all competitors? How will you recognize it? Don't worry, Tesla's got that covered. Motor Trend explains how to spot one:
You can identify a Cyberbeast by the snarling Cerberus—the three-headed dog of Greek mythology—laser-etched into its stainless-steel tailgate.
Or, you could just look for the most obnoxious vehicle on the block. This particularly loathsome one was customized by a man named Mike Mahdi who goes by "MadMaxC7" on social media. He likes to build outlandish cars, and appears to be based in Atlanta. So please don't blame me for burning your retinas. Blame MadMaxC7.
Previously:
• A first-hand account of how bad the Cybertruck is
