How to play 'Mary Had a Little Lamb' on a touch telephone

As a kid I was a dial pad virtuouso. Thanks, YouTube!

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These 60s cartoon themes are stuck in my head

Scooby or Spiderman? Gah.

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The sound of me thinking

This is why I'll never be able to cast a powerful magic spell by concentrating hard. Read the rest

Things I miss: Early 80s animated Flash Gordon

I loved this too short-lived late 70s/early 80s New Adventures of Flash Gordon.

The full first episode is here. Read the rest

The weirdest bumbling cat burglar movie of all time

In 1991 I was super eager to see Bruce Willis' slapstick comedy Hudson Hawk.

Everything about this film was frantically over the top, ridiculous, and so much fun. Sandra Bernhard's crazy megalomaniac? David Caruso's master of disguises? James Coburn's James Coburn! Every performance was unhinged. This film barely makes sense.

While Andie MacDowell squealing like a dolphin is pretty special, the best moments of this film are when Bruce Willis' Ernie "The Hudson Hawk" Hawkins and Danny Aiello's Tommy "Five-Tone" Messina engage in crime. Rather than synchronizing their watches, the two burglars sing popular hits to time their capers. Bing Crosby's Swinging on A Star became a lifelong favorite tune.

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An epic non-stop action adventure movie that will challenge your senses

Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn is a great example of a movie I wished I'd forgotten, so I share it with you.

Here is the full movie. Read the rest

Things I miss: when the William Tell Overture was cool

I remember when I could hear the opening to the William Tell Overture and feel the adventure.

I'm not sure if I just got older, the constant comedic uses of The Lone Ranger theme, or I just can't tolerate the racism inherent in most old Western themed tv and movies, but every time I hear this music, I get a brief taste of that old feeling and then it is washed away.

For some reason Jonny Quest's theme still works. Hadji deserved better treatment. Read the rest

Things I Miss: My friend Bob trying to convince people to try his Flowbee

A hair trimmer attached to your vacuum cleaner. What could go wrong?

I was sadly disappointed and did not find many Flowbee mishap videos on The YouTubes. Likely, the vacu-trimmer was never that popular in the first place!

I had a friend named Bobby Magee who thought the Flowbee was an amazing thing to break out at a party. Those were weird parties. Read the rest

Things I miss: bearded kings of synth rocking the mundane

ZZ Top hit a Billboard's "Hot 100" charts at #8 with a song about a Sleeping Bag. Completing their transformation from 70s boogie-woogie blues band to 80s boogie-woogie synth stars.

No one rocked the mundane quite like ZZ Top, "she's got legs" after all. Read the rest

Things I miss: This weekend we had Klondike bars

What would you do? Not much if you are my daughter. She offered me the remaining half of hers, not enjoying her few bites. I bought the Heath Bar variety. Read the rest

Things I miss: The Thunderbirds saying FAB

Fun remix of Gerry and Silvia Anderson's supermarionation classic Thunderbirds.

Thunderbird 4 would have been mine. MINE. Read the rest

Things I miss: Weebles wobbling, not falling down

I loved Weebles. As a little kid I tried and tried to balance them upside down.

As a young boy scout I learned they make dangerous ammunition for homemade calcium carbide cannons. They fit an available diameter of PVC very well, I don't recall which. Read the rest

Aztec for the Apple ][ was my first desktop video game

Aztec was pretty impressive in 1982. I played the hell out of this. It was one of the few games my Atari 400/800 using friends were jealous of.

The video above shows the game in agonizing load-from-floppy-speed.

Also, please remember Sneakers. Read the rest

Things I miss: my Evel Knievel stunt cycle

This was so much god damn fun. Read the rest

Things I miss: Interplanet Janet

No, there's never been a planet Janet hasn't seen. Read the rest

Things I miss: Dr. Shrinker

He was a madman with an evil mind. Read the rest

Things I miss: The Swanson TV Dinner

I remember, as a child, actively wanting to eat! Inexplicably, one of the things I really loved was the Swanson TV Dinner!

During World War II the United States needed a quick and tasty meal that workers could enjoy with minimal preparation after a day in the factory. The meals were so popular that by the 1950s millions upon millions of Swanson TV Dinners were being sold. A nation eating in front of the teevee!

The cardboard turkey! The overly sweet cranberries! Peas! Totally reconstituted mashed potatoes before they got nearly as real tasting as PotatoBuds are today! I could not forget Swanson's Turkey TV dinner if I tried. These were marketed, during my childhood, as a quick and awesome way for a family to all have dinner together, while watching television.

Oh, how I loved me a TV Dinner! Learning to pre-heat an oven, or to set and get the tin tray without burning myself were both big deals as a kid. I was INDEPENDENT and feeding myself!

By the mid 70s there were quite a few varieties, not just the Turkey, Chicken and Beef. I loved the tin tray of Salisbury Steak, which I still remember as a faux-hamburger patty with some sort of gravy. I dream of the weird Apple Crumble dessert thing that came with one of the meals, basically just canned apple and some butter/flour stuff. You could even, if you had a big appetite, get a HUNGRY MAN meal, and get twice the bland, congealed food-stuff! Read the rest

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