The Beach Boys vs the Fat Boys in an epic grudge match. Read the rest

This movie got made. Read the rest

As a kid, I never understood Moby Dick and the Mighty Mightor.

This is what I remember:

Not long after Moby Dick ate Ahab and smashed the Pequod, he learned to relax. Like majorly chill out! In this confounding series, a kinder and gentler Moby befriends two nautically enthusiastic kids named something like Tub and Tug, then he fights lame sea creatures.

Incidentally, there is another kid who lived a long time ago named Tor! Tor acts like a helpful kid on ONE and only ONE occasion but is so helpful that an old dude gives him a magic log. It is fun, it is magic, it is wood.

Like a teenager, Tor immediately loses the manual before his pet dinosaur can even ask him what the scenario is! Evidently, the magic log turns Tor from a puny kid into a flying adult with a horned helmet. Additionally, said log converts Tor's pet dinosaur into a flying, fire-breathing pet dinosaur. Use those log powers for good!

I'm pretty sure this cartoon was a complete waste of time. Read the rest

He makes the scene when things look mean. Read the rest

The amazing cast of Moonlighting performed William Shakespeare's Taming of the Shrew in character. It was wonderful!

It has been decades since I've watched Moonlighting seriously, but every year or so I rewatch Atomic Shakespeare. Read the rest

Scooby or Spiderman? Gah.

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I have never actually seen anyone drink Lancers. It must be popular, it seems to still be commercially produced!

I remember my parents having two bottles of this in the fridge from the time I was like 5 years old until I moved out of their home. If I go look, it may still be there.

I'm gonna look for a bottle when my kid and I go to the market later. This could be bad. Read the rest

One of the finest moments from television's generation-defining Beverly Hills 90210! Donna Martin got drunk at prom but her friends disagree with school policy and rise up to defend her.

DONNA MARTIN GRADUATES!

...and they say Generation X doesn't stand for anything. Read the rest

I've always been a Raisin Bran fan, but I gotta hand it to Honeycomb. They had such wonderfully creative commercials in the 60s and 70s. Read the rest

The best part of waking up... Read the rest

This is why I'll never be able to cast a powerful magic spell by concentrating hard. Read the rest

Chicken Tonight wasn't just a bad nightmare, you can still buy it today on Amazon.

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I loved this too short-lived late 70s/early 80s New Adventures of Flash Gordon.

The full first episode is here. Read the rest

There have been many Slinky theme songs, but when the Slinky theme song gets stuck in my head this is the Slinky theme song I sing.

My daughter was given a large plastic rainbow slinky for her birthday. None of the kids understood why I immediately broke into song. Read the rest

I remember watching Romper Room religiously, perhaps that is what happened.

Wasn't it awesome we got morality lessons from a surreal bumble bee with a 420 friendly name? I think I liked Mr. Don't Bee better.

Romper Room may also explain my hatred of mirrors. Read the rest

In 1991 I was super eager to see Bruce Willis' slapstick comedy Hudson Hawk.

Everything about this film was frantically over the top, ridiculous, and so much fun. Sandra Bernhard's crazy megalomaniac? David Caruso's master of disguises? James Coburn's James Coburn! Every performance was unhinged. This film barely makes sense.

While Andie MacDowell squealing like a dolphin is pretty special, the best moments of this film are when Bruce Willis' Ernie "The Hudson Hawk" Hawkins and Danny Aiello's Tommy "Five-Tone" Messina engage in crime. Rather than synchronizing their watches, the two burglars sing popular hits to time their capers. Bing Crosby's Swinging on A Star became a lifelong favorite tune.

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Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn is a great example of a movie I wished I'd forgotten, so I share it with you.

Here is the full movie. Read the rest