Things to say during sex (Doogie Horner flowchart lulz).

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Link to complete image. What's the name of the guy who does these? I'm sorry, but I do not know Created by the extremely funny Doogie Horner. (via @galadarling via @reversecowpie)

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  1. My favorite (I think I read it in Playboy in the mid-60s):

    “Into the boxcars, all of you!”

  2. A lot.
    On your dog.

    Christ on a bicycle! This is the funniest thing in quite some time. Thanks for a hearty guffaw.

  3. Genuine -> (Not your partner´s name) -> (And not their gender)

    Charts for the win.
    …A lot, in your dog.

  4. “Good genuine exclamations wow!!!” never really worked for me, though. I might be doing it wrong.

  5. “Madre Mio” = FAIL

    Madre = feminine
    Mio = masculine

    So you’re kinda saying your mother is a male. Surely not a “good” thing to say during sex o_O

    Or you’re just revealing that you don’t know any Spanish. If, however, your partner doesn’t know any Spanish either, then it’s a WIN!

  6. I rule at fuckin’
    my job is truckin’
    don’t stop suckin.

    Thought a lot of this was funny, but this trumps ’em all. I nearly pooped.

  7. I had a statistic textbook in grad school that actually had this question in its practice questions:

    “What the worst possible thing to hear during sex?”

    Answer, according to textbook: “Hi honey! I’m home!”

    (It had something to do with expected answer ranges in a survey.)

  8. Actually, this is not the work of comedian Doogie Horner.

    It is a translation of a two page ad by Swiss publisher Kein&Aber that appeared in the “Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung” on December 12, 2008. The ad was created by the Walker ad agency of Zurich to promote the book “50 Erfolgsmodelle” (“50 Models for Success”).

    The German tabloid “Bild” praised it as being the most provocative ad of the year 2008.

  9. So.

    Doogie created this flowchart, and several others including heavy metal band names and the Universal Comedy Flow Chart. http://comicvsaudience.blogspot.com/search/label/flow%20chart
    http://comicvsaudience.blogspot.com/2008/08/universal-comedy-flow-chart-by-doogie.html

    These got some heat online, but were often unattributed because Doogie didn’t include his name in the original image files.

    Then this Swiss company nicked the image, translated it, put it into newspapers and, I guess, started winning awards.

    But it’s definitely Doogie’s work.

  10. “What the worst possible thing to hear during sex?”

    Answer, according to textbook: “Hi honey! I’m home!”

    I suppose “What the hell are you doing to the dog!?” would be a bit too racy for most tests.

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