Perfect Daily Mail headline


Captured on Bellamack, the perfect headline for Britain's perfectly awful sensationalist rag The Daily Mail.

What a Daily Mail orgasm looks like (via Wonderland!)

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  1. I get around to peoples homes quite a bit in my job and what I see is folks getting on with there lives the best they can in a decent and respectful way. I am sure that this sort of thing does happen, the Daily dog pile would not lie would they but its in the minority not the majority.

    The scum class has always been with us and always will , all you can to is marginalise them the best you can

  2. I’m old enough to remember how this country was, A time when if you had parents that were divorced you were in a tiny minority, now it is the opposite. I and all my friends used to walk miles to school and back at age 5, now free range kids are a novelty? A murder in the town would be talked about for years and be in the press for months, now it does not even make the front page. Drug use was unheard of, now I’ve lost count of the people who are users and the number of houses that have been raided by the police. So when you cast scorn on a Daily mail header, its sad because some of us remember when it was safer, & life was better, people where not cocooned in their houses, eating themselves to an early grave, the streets where full of kids playing games, getting exercise, not the obese uneducated couch potatoes with play stations and X boxes .Britain has changed/declined for the worse in the last 30 years. It all really started with Maggie Thatcher. Can you really tell the difference now between the 3 major parties? No you can’t.

  3. Sounds like my house. At least, my house a few years ago, when my roommate dealt meth. Still have a machete over the door, though. It is emblazoned with the slogan “Department of Homeland Security,” because I’m an AMERICAN! Fuck Yeah! The “scum class” knows no borders, Bex. Zone Seven ATL scumbag hip hop, yep!

  4. Story is here:

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1214955/Machetes-door-drugs-table–mothers-paid-state-babies-men-barely-know–What-HAVE-British-family.html

    Over the past nine months, I have been investigating why teenage boys from low-income white and black Caribbean backgrounds are the most at risk of failing at school, and of being sidelined into a life of benefits and crime.

    I talked to dozens of these boys themselves, as well as to men in their 20s and 30s from the same background – and found that most of them had grown up in single-parent families.

    The cycle seemed likely to be repeated with their own children.

    A young white man from the North-East, recently released from prison, told me: ‘If I had a father, I would have got a good hiding and I probably wouldn’t be here now.’

    His 17-year-old friend, who is on the police list of top-ten troublemakers in his town, nodded. ‘You need a dad for growing up,’ he said.

    An overhaul of the benefit system is clearly at the heart of transforming the lives of disadvantaged children. But to accuse their mothers of being feckless is unjust: they are merely responding to the economics of the situation.

    They have grasped the consequences of our poor education system better than our politicians ever have.

    Last year, less than half of teenagers finished compulsory schooling with five good GSCEs that included maths and English. Of those, the ones who do worst of all are children from lowincome families.

    Then what happens? The boys take to crime – and the girls get pregnant.

  5. … and the government is talking about reducing spending on schools and merging them into even larger, even less personal schools…

    That’s why independent schools generally do a better job than comprehensive schools. Teachers get to know the pupils and can catch problems before they become significant. Making schools even larger will just make this worse and demoralise teachers even further.

  6. Wow, someone grew up in a 1950s sitcom. Where reality didn’t exist, people didn’t get divorced, and drug use wasn’t prevalent. There was probably also no abuse.

    It’s all those single parent households that are the problem. Not the fact that with the mother working, there is no one at home at all, or that education isn’t culturally valued. Oh no. It’s the lack of presence of a penis in the household, to reign in those boys. Women just can’t do that, doncha know.

    Good lord, for a minute there I thought I stumbled into a Fox News comment cycle.

  7. TheophileEscargot, your single-parent-family-leads-to-crime hypothesis needs testing against data from other periods. How about 1919-1939? We had a generation of kids growing up in traumatized single-parent families (the children of soldiers who’d gone off to war and come back in a box, if at all).

    Once again, repeat after me: correlation does not imply causation.

    As for Akula971: I take it you’re not an ethnic minority. Remember the signs on boarding houses: “NO NGGRS OR IRISH”?

    In some ways, the Britain of today is far, far better than the Britain of 30 years ago.

  8. “I’m old enough to remember how this country was, A time when if you had parents that were divorced you were in a tiny minority”

    So am I, my Mom lived for 20 years with a man she despised…

    “, now it is the opposite. I and all my friends used to walk miles to school and back at age 5, ”

    There is no reason you cant do this now but everyone is scared by Daily Mail headlines…..

    ” A murder in the town would be talked about for years and be in the press for months,”

    The population was radically smaller 20/40 years ago, not arguing about the point in general just that – also vertain murders, like that of small children still stay in the press for weeks/months/years

    ” now it does not even make the front page. Drug use was unheard of,”

    Not really, Zammo ?

    ” now I’ve lost count of the people who are users and the number of houses that have been raided by the police. ”

    Where do you live! – this never happens round here!

    “So when you cast scorn on a Daily mail header, its sad because some of us remember when it was safer, & life was better,”

    Yes, two world wars, vietnam, DDT, Asbestos, … all good, not everything has got worse, the Daily Mail just revels in making you believe it has.

    “people where not cocooned in their houses, ”

    We were out last weekend at the Sturminster Newton cheese festival with a bunch of other families having a great time in a very friendly environment, the week before we were at the Dorset Steam fair – atmosphere even with lots of cider drinking goin on was never less than awesome, three weeks ago our neighbours kid volunteered to come round and help paint our fence, yeah society is defintaly dying

    eating themselves to an early grave,

    “the streets where full of kids playing games, getting exercise, not the obese uneducated couch potatoes with play stations and X boxes”

    I have 15 neices and nephews, as well as a son and none of them are like this, but please carry on generalising

    “.Britain has changed/declined for the worse in the last 30 years. It all really started with Maggie Thatcher. Can you really tell the difference now between the 3 major parties? No you can’t.”

    No. it’s just changed, and the politics got worse

  9. This was an early edition which ran with a typo. Later editions read:

    “Machettes by the door, drugs on the table – and mothers paid by the state to have children with mem they barely know. What HAVE immigrants done to the British family?”

  10. I Notice that the Dailymail and Telegraph are a good proportion of links on Digg and Reddit and have even managed a couple of Boings.

    They are clearly posting nerd bait articles that would never grace such right wing rags.

    This can only be to garner link love and whuffie so that when thay want to destroy someone outre such as Jonathan Ross their articles will be at the top of searches.

    So don’t click them, don’t link to them and vote them down.

    They are the equivalent of Fox News and other lunatic mob baiting vile rags.

  11. In the long-term scheme of things, these mothers having lots of kids are certainly doing a lot better than I am in terms of passing on their genes to the next generation. Seven years at university (and two more to go) has really put a damper on my own personal reproduction stats (currently sitting at zero). What is life really about in the end? I’d say not about university degrees.

  12. @Akula971:

    The kids on the council estate I live in don’t think “free range” is a novelty. They walk to school, or take a bus, and unless it’s raining they’ll be playing outside when I come home from work (usually football, or cycling).

    I think this is great, but the Daily Mail would write about them “terrorising the neighbourhood” with their ball games and “intimidating old ladies” on mountain bikes.

  13. #8 cubic.archon – Maybe it’s implied?

    #9 Thalia – Hear, hear!

    #10 Charlie Stross – “correlation does not imply causation” Hear, hear, again.

    The quotes from misguided fatherless youth on “where it all went wrong” are informative, I guess, but I’m reminded of the question reporters always ask centenarians: “To what do you attribute your longevity?” How the hell are they supposed to know that?? Are they gerontologists??? No, they’re just old. Their opinion is not invalid, but I’d say it’s hardly the straight dope.

  14. So if not from the presence of someone paternal, where _does_ one learn to not behave badly? Any way to make sure kids pick that up before they go about disproving the categorical imperative?

  15. For the perfect Daily Mail article, they’d have to also blame asylum seekers and the EU in some way.

    Not exactly surprising that the benefit system favours families with one adult earner over those with two – simple facts of both the ability to work and the total sums potentially earnable.

    But the Daily Mail has always run on the idea of getting their comfortable middle class readership either scared of, or angry at, some group or another, so blaming lone parent families for societal problems and happily suggesting plunging some of the poorest people in our society into even more financial hardship is pretty much par for the course.

  16. Devophill — have you ever noticed that when they ask to what a centenarian attributes their old age, they usually say something along the lines of bacon, a shot of whiskey, cigarettes, or something else usually not considered as a contributing factor to old age?

    Cicada, obviously we have to have fathers because mothers, grandmothers, and aunts and anyone else with ovaries is absolutely bereft of any sense of right or wrong, or of any sort of moral behaviour. (headdesk)

  17. @RexallWodehouse

    I don’t know about the you, but the odd shot of Whiskey certainly adds to my quality of life ;-)

  18. @Thalia, No I grew up in the 60’s and 70’s and that is how it was. Mothers where usually at home with the kids. Or if they didn’t have a family they worked.

    “As for Akula971: I take it you’re not an ethnic minority. Remember the signs on boarding houses: “NO NGGRS OR IRISH”?”

    Where I live is a seaport, and we have always had people from other countries living here, there is and has been since Roman times a sizeable Arab community living here, they integrated well, they have always had a mosque, and there has never been any racial hatred towards them. Why? because they integrated. As to the Irish, again a very large population of Irish, as they moved here to work in the ship yards, mines and foundries. But you see, we in the North of England are usually more welcoming. It all went wrong with a conservative government that was interested in short term profit, couldn’t give two hoots for industry.

    The social ills of Britain are part and parcel of the destruction of British industry. When you left school, you either went into a trade or went on in to FE. When a kid went into the yards/mines or where ever, they worked with older men who taught them to respect their elders as they where teaching them the skills they would need. You had responsibilities and respect for others. I’m sorry to say that the youth of today have been let down by the education system, which is continually tampered with by government. When I interview school leavers for jobs in my company, the vast majority cannot put a cogent sentence together, and are sadly lacking in any maths skills. They seem to think that there are no repercussions to their actions and know nothing of responsibility.

    So please tell me how life is so much better for so many people now? Schools had free milk, hospitals where cleaner and better staffed. Unemployment was never as bad. Most jobs came with a good pension. The NHS WAS free for everything, prescriptions, dental care, everything. Teachers could control classes, as corporal punishment was allowed. Graffiti was almost none existence. Yes there was poverty, real poverty, not these dole wallers who complain they can’t make ends meet and have mobile phones, tabs, and satellite TV.

  19. It may be a sad indictment but living in a underpriviliged area as I do, I have been spat at, called a snob, posh c**t and had dogs set on me, purely because my wife and I dare to have a job each. The Daily Mail may give it a dramatic slant but they aren’t far off the truth.

  20. Really sorry – but no mention of paedo’s, lesbians, immigrants, muslims or guns. Also notable by absence are the words BBC, left-wing, labour or political-correctness-gone-mad.

    They have also failed to mention whether or not this situation will cause cancer. Which is a shame, as they’re usually pretty keen on sharing oncological news.

    http://www.thedailydust.co.uk/2009/02/19/20-strange-things-the-daily-mail-say-will-cause-cancer/

    Someone at the Daily Wail is slacking off. Probably out shouting at pigeons…

  21. “So please tell me how life is so much better for so many people now? Schools had free milk, hospitals where cleaner and better staffed. Unemployment was never as bad. Most jobs came with a good pension. The NHS WAS free for everything, prescriptions, dental care, everything. Teachers could control classes, as corporal punishment was allowed. Graffiti was almost none existence. Yes there was poverty, real poverty, not these dole wallers who complain they can’t make ends meet and have mobile phones, tabs, and satellite TV.”

    What magical place was this? This had to have been a Pre-Thatcher Great Britain, I only lived there in the 70s and while I could wander all over my home town when I was young, it was a decrepit graphitti strewn hole when I left. Since then it’s been fixed up and cleaned up, random destruction and after the lingering coarsening of the Thatcher years subsided even the casual violence appears to have slacked off.

    The Burn hasn’t even gone on fire for at least 15 years. (it used to happen often enough that people wouldn’t get upset that the river was burning in places)

    So I assume that you are talking about a pre-Thatcher era, which I have no experience with.

    As for Ftehrless kids saying “if I had a dad I would be better” well “If I had a gun growing up I might not have been bullied” or “If I had a million dollars, I’d buy you a green dress” or “if my dad hadn’t raped me repeatedly, I might not have this here kid”

    While a stable home is self-evidently a positive thing for a child, one need not have one to grow up properly. If one wants to talk about traditional families, etc, what about kids of Dad’s who died in massive waves during World War 2, why wasn’t there a massive generation of wasters and prisoners then?

    I blame Thatcher; her government destroyed the fabric of Great Britain.

  22. I’m reminded of the question reporters always ask centenarians: “To what do you attribute your longevity?” How the hell are they supposed to know that?? Are they gerontologists??

    – To what do you attribute your longevity?
    – To never disputing with anyone, my son.
    – Oh, come on, it can’t be that.
    – Well, maybe it isn’t that.”

  23. Charlie Stross: the blockquote end-tag seems to have got a bit messed up. The whole passage was a quote from the article, not my personal theory.

  24. Used to print the Daily News along with a lot of other cringe worthy dailies from the UK that were really popular in the Canadian east coast. I tried to save as many as the really bad (good) ones as I could. At best they sound like the sort of things you imagine a very high Hunter Thompson blurting out in a crowded square!

  25. Initially, I thought “the British family” meant the royal family, making this a more intriguing headline, if only because it wouldn’t be actual news. Being paid by the state to have children with men they barely know is the primary traditional duty of female royals, no? As for machetes, well that’s just the violence inherent in the system.

  26. @17 Rexall- Sorry, you mistake my meaning. Pardon for being unclear.
    I’ll grant that the Y-chromosome isn’t the repository of moral goodness in the human genome, but if we take as granted that intact families aren’t a requirement for a kid who isn’t a degenerate hellion, what are those requirements?
    Obama came from a broken home, and Eichman came from a quite ordinary one. What’s the diff?

  27. When it comes to Britain (or the US, or the rest of the western world) either kids are worse-behaved, better, or about the same.

    If they are worse (or better), it’s a systemic rather than an individual problem, since we’re discussing ‘kids in general’ instead of ‘that kid there’.

    Surely they must be about the same, human nature being what it is. The problem is frame of reference. The teenager thinks everyone is overreacting to his bad behaviour. Add twenty years, and he’s bitching about ‘kids today’ and imagining, through the funhouse mirror of memory, that he behaved better.

    Remember even Plato said it.

  28. Yeah, the kid that’s messed up isn’t going to have that great of an insight into how he got there. What he blames might have been a hardship, but it doesn’t follow that curing or preventing it would have led to him behaving and being a productive citizen.

    Plenty of intact families have mean, spiteful fathers and end up with bad kids. Plenty of wonderful intact families have bad kids. If we knew the cause, it wouldn’t be that hard to fix.

    Akula, I don’t like in Britain, but here in the US we have people that make the same claims as you. I’m just not convinced that the social ills now are any worse than they were 20, 30, or 100 years ago. We just have to live with them now so they seem worse. I didn’t worry about any of this stuff when I was a kid. Why? Because I was a kid! Not because it wasn’t present.

    Drug abuse – think alcoholism – has been with us for centuries. No, millennia! Noah had a problem with it! Single parents have always existed. It really sounds more like you had a relatively comfortable upbringing and can’t identify with – and thus can’t understand – people that didn’t or don’t have that now. Someone living in the gutter in 1920 might now live in subsidized housing. That’s an improvement, to me.

    Really, though, it comes down to forming strong opinions based on personal anecdotes. If you really want to know whether things are “better” or “worse,” you need a lot more data than a Daily Mail article and your own personal experience.

  29. @stross ” How about 1919-1939? We had a generation of kids growing up in traumatized single-parent families (the children of soldiers who’d gone off to war and come back in a box, if at all).”

    I think there is a difference between

    “you’re dead dad loved you, and I hope you can grow up brave like him”

    and

    “I’m not sure which of the 2 louts I slept with that week are your father”

  30. Well of course, Gordon Brown’s campaign slogan was:

    “A line of coke on every table, a machete next to every door!”

    dculberson: Well a “Daily Mail” article NEVER qualifies as a data-point on whether things have gotten better or worse. According to them, things have ALWAYS gotten worse. No matter what.

    Over the last 10-15 years, actual crime is DOWN:
    http://i38.tinypic.com/2m7ai4h.gif

    This pic is straight out of the British Crime Survey:
    http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/rds/crimeew0809.html

  31. So the lack of a father in my household while I was growing up totally explains why I’m a rather fully-functional, university educated, professionally licensed adult. Right? Charlie Stross is spot on – correlation does not equal causality.

    Is it possible that intellectually incurious people attempting to raise children might be a bigger problem than not having an adult male in the house? If your family doesn’t value education, you probably won’t get one. Without a decent education, one’s prospects in western life are pretty limited.

  32. @Talia – This seems to be a contradiction:

    “It’s all those single parent households that are the problem. Not the fact that with the mother working, there is no one at home at all…”

    Isn’t the reason no one is home at all because it’s a single-parent household?

  33. I thought they were talking about the British Royal Family. Except with those double-headed axe things instead of machetes.

  34. I read the headline (pre coffee) as “British Royal Family” and thought ‘I need to catch up on the news’.

  35. Ah, England in the sixties and seventies: when children obeyed their parents, crime was low, drug abuse was non-existent and the economy soared.

    …Wait a minute…

  36. “What have we done to the British family?” First thing that popped in my head was “moved to America?”

  37. I laughed, hard and out loud. After seeing that, British people have now lost all right to mock Sarah Palin.

  38. the block of flats I live in has five single parent families… out of six flats… I’m the only one in the entire block that actually goes to work… the rest all live at home on benefits… they get family allowance… almost ten pounds per child under sixteen per week… they get child tax credits??? even though they don’t work!!! they all get their rent and council tax paid for… all in all, they’re better off on benefits than they are working, because the only jobs they qualify for are all unskilled minimum wage jobs.

    This is the problem… the state pays them x pounds per child and because they have dependant children under 16, then they qualify for the rest…

    It’s a meal ticket for life, as long as they keep popping out a sprog every year or so, they never ever need to work… there should be a strict limit on the number of children they can claim benefits for, and they should NOT automatically jump to the head of the queue for social housing just by virtue of having a dependant kid…

    When I was a teenager back in the Seventies, I didn’t dare get a girl pregnant as the shame for her family would be massive… I’d have been marched up the aisle at shotgun point…

  39. Single parent families have less money than two parent families. That leads to a host of other problems.

  40. A few weeks ago, I saw the most bizarre Daily Mail headline ever. It simply read. ‘Cheer Up Britain’. Seriously.

  41. Akula971 I bet you lived in South Shields, as I did. All I can say to the other posters is that I recognise the past you describe and despair of the present. Most of those claiming differently have no idea of the lost integrity of working class life 30 or 40 years ago.

  42. British people have now lost all right to mock Sarah Palin

    No one can ever take away that right. From anyone.

    almost ten pounds per child under sixteen per week

    10 pounds a week! My god that’s outrageous! Imagine all the food and …

    Oh wait it’s nearly impossible just to feed someone on 10 pounds a week.

  43. Daily Mail headlines always remind me of that bit in one of Vonnegut’s novels when he talks of the Astronomer Royal who runs to the king cause the stars are going out and so the world must be ending but in reality it’s just his eyesight that’s fading because he’s getting old.
    This may be because DM readership is on death’s door – or so I assume from the number of adverts in it for stairlifts, easy access baths, hearing aids etc etc.
    Anyway if someone could be so kind as to advise which Vonnegut novel I’m thinking of and whom he’s quoting I’d be most grateful.

  44. “Where I live is a seaport, and we have always had people from other countries living here, there is and has been since Roman times a sizeable Arab community living here, they integrated well, they have always had a mosque, and there has never been any racial hatred towards them.”

    ??? Maybe there was a Arab community in Roman times as the empire was widespread. But to suggest it survived the Dark Ages,Anglo saxon and Viking invasions and 1000 years of Christian religious zealotry is nonsense

  45. Akula971, the problems you are seeing are mostly population oriented. A coupie really good wars like the ones before the fifties could do some good. What was good for you though, was not good for everyone. Your safety came at the loss of safety for others.

    My parents as it were grew up in the idylic fifties, a time of harmony, in the south. No one talked about the kids who had babies by their dads, or the suicide attempts, or the secanol addicted family members, or the miserable marriages, or the syphilitic born kids of prostitute visiting fathers, or the terror that anyone or everyone might be some how involved in anti-american activities, or the fact that people were smoking pot and getting drunk, and doing all the things that people do including murder, rape, incest, robbery.

    It’s easy to pretend things were great, but they were only great if you were insulated and in a relatively stable and not overpopulated area. It’s not the times, it’s you… you’re getting old and xenophobic. Here in the states people like you just keep moving further and further into the country, creating sprawling shopping centers full of Christian bookstores and Hobby Lobbies, but it doesn’t make a bit of difference. Life isn’t any different than it ever was. There were no “simple” times, only the cacoon of your own ignorance.

  46. The Daily Mail is not an ‘awful sensationalist rag’ as Cory describes it. It is a deeply unpleasant, racist, fear-mongering piece of hate-ridden propaganda that doesn’t even possess the basic usefulness of a rag.

  47. My grandmother was shipped off to Canada in the Victorian times (Home Children). If she wasn’t, then along with countless others, she would have died of starvation or disease. Life in Britain has always had its strife.
    It appears that, like other industrialized countries, common social ills have taken root in western society.
    I think the breakdown of the traditional family unit has given way to gangs, teenage pregnancy and the downward spiral of poverty.
    It’s difficult to think that the country of my forefathers, Great Britain, is no longer “great”.
    As in most western countries, we are losing our identities as we become blurred in our culture, traditions and language. Who are we?
    The “state” has gone too far in trying to patch up the social ills of the nation.
    It’s time to apply some preventative medicine with restricting welfare, keeping kids in school and making both men and women accountible for the children they bring into this world.
    It’s not just your problem, G.B. Look around-all of us are on that wicked path to complete destruction.

  48. Umm, why keep a machete BY THE DOOR? You trying to give a weapon to someone who breaks in? Or do house invaders in England knock and wait for you to open the door?

    Keep the weapon elsewhere, but accessible. I keep mine in my bedroom, so I can get it at night when someone is more likely to break in.

    Machete by the door, priceless. Might as well keep a mace under your door mat.

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