This is inspired. Waldo Jaquith created a Mastodon bot in response to the cliché email opening sentence of "I hope this email finds you well."
"Twice a day it proposes a novel way to conclude that sentence that opens so many emails," Jaquith explains. "It uses phrases from Google Books that include the phrase 'finds you.'"
See below and follow for more absurdity at @thisemailfindsyou.
I hope this email finds you wherever you go, and lands right in the center of your brain.
I hope this email finds you interesting enough for now.
I hope this email finds you running BLAST or other sequence analysis applications, learning to use the Bioperl system.
I hope this email finds you within the walls of the house of prayer, surrounded by the most favourable circumstances for devoting yourselves to the consideration of the things which make for your peace.
Previously: Hollywood movie-poster design cliches