Officer Vader suit for your riot-control needs


98 Responses to “Officer Vader suit for your riot-control needs”

  1. Hakuin says:

    wonder what it does when you get one down and straddle his neck and twist?

  2. ironix says:

    What will the fetish market think of next.

  3. All sorts of vulnerable spots on the backs of the legs.

  4. Antinous / Moderator says:

    The wedgie potential is strong with this one.  It’s a fucking exo-thong.

  5. Could be a great investment for the sort of person who does a lot of protesting but has been getting worried about an increasing risk of injury from blunt trauma and eye irritants. But I’m guessing this wouldn’t protect from most chemical weapons, tazers, or microwave cannons. All the same it’d be something to see a black bloc outfitted in these.

  6. Mister44 says:

    Looks like it would be good for zombies….

    Seriously though – I’d love to try the thigh and hip armor. Id love to play paintball again, but am scared that my tumor ridden left leg will get hit.

  7. you know, if i had the money to blow, this would be a fun thing to own if you like to do any kinds of martial arts sparring, go full force and still no one gets hurt….

    Just trying to think of constructive uses.

  8. cstatman says:

    Cory, thank you so much for the Mall Ninja reference,  I’d almost forgotten about the mall Ninja, and I’m going over to re-read, as I need humor now…

  9. robuluz says:

     I like it, even though I’ve yet to have a chance to use it in a real situation as I just recently received it.

    Hold strong young man, the end times are nearly upon us. Then you’ll be able to go batshit crazy in that thing! Right? Fuck yeah!

  10. Preston Sturges says:

    Two words: war hammer

  11. pjcamp says:

    You can wear it when you ride in your Badonkadonk Tank:


    • Bonobo says:

      I viewed all customer reviews, sorted by “most helpful first” and went to the last page. Ahhh. It’s nice to feel superior to people who don’t get a joke.

      • Cowicide says:

        It did, however, have an excellent audio system, but this failed to compensate for its disappointing 100% mortality rate.

  12. voiceinthedistance says:

    The goggles ruin it for me.  They had their chance, and they blew it.

    • Cowicide says:

      The goggles look stupid and I don’t like how the helmet doesn’t protect the back of the neck, etc., it would be more practical if it was designed more like this:

  13. Mister44 says:

    See – like I said – good for zombies.

  14. This came up in the suggested other items list on Amazon when I bought a riot shield for the hell of it. Someday after I’ve graduated and paid off school debts I can get this and at last become Batman.

  15. SomeGuyNamedMark says:

    This would be a great suit to wear to instigate a riot too

  16. Wayne Dyer says:

    If they had this in my corpulent size, I’d get one.  Put it on to go get the mail.  Wear to office parties.  I’d replace “POLICE” with something more interesting though.

  17. MrEricSir says:

    Given all the whacked-out crackheads in my neighborhood, maybe I should buy one.

  18. Ryan Holmes says:

    Just saw The Raid: Redemption last night. I know what Im going as next Halloween, now.

  19. salsaman says:

    With a whistle, enough paint, feathers, and LED’s, and a sticker to cover up POLICE (“FUN POLICE”?), this could be a fun Burning Man get up.

  20. Vilhelm says:

    Quoth the listing: “The suit is lightweight and ranks highest in easy to put on or take off in a moments notice.”

    Horrible misuse of English aside, why do we need to “take off” our riot suit on a “moments [sic] notice”?

  21. Preston Sturges says:

    The main vulnerability of this outfit is jujitsu, which is not really the ideal art for a melee situation. But still, all that armor between the knee and collar bone offers an unlimited number of grab points for take downs, foot sweeps, and throws. Also, just grabbing onto the top edge of the breast plate and hanging ones entire body weight off it would topple the wearer. You can bear a second persons body weight when it’s over your center of gravity, but offet the weight and over you go.

    • Snig says:

      There’s also a small thermal exhaust port, two meters wide, right below the main port.

    • Mahhn says:

       as a fellow martial artist, it looks weak to me too. Beside being weak to Jujitsu methods -
      Neck,  armpit, lower abdomen, inside of thighs, is unguarded (these are kill zones with a small knife).
      Peripheral vision is blocked.
      As you say all the straps and guards make great handles for manipulating them.
      It’s more scary looking that effective, so it’s good for movies and hiding your identity of your a state sponsored terrorist.

  22. grimc says:

    Damascus? Yeah, I guess for some people Syria is a prime example of how to handle a “domestic disturbance”.

  23. Will Bueche says:

    I just want pants like (some of) the Avengers wear. I’m thinking of Scarlett Johanssen’s outfit, but in a male style.

    It will happen. Superhero cartoons of 30 years ago led to people wearing spandex skiwear and leggings in real life. It is inevitable that the Superhero movies of today will soon lead to pants made out of strange leather-plastic-like materials.

  24. That_Anonymous_Coward says:

    YAY Bringing codpieces back from the dark ages…

    Imagine outfitting an entire Occupy protest with these… they’d be so confused about who to pepperspray and beat.

  25. Will Bueche says:

    Strangest pants I’ve seen: These pants have built in tourniquets,  for when you are planning to get shot in the legs:

    • Preston Sturges says:

      I have cold war era German army surplus pants that had 3 ft of cotton webbing sewn into each cargo pocket. I eventually realized they were tourniquets, cut out the webbing, and used it for zipper pulls. 

    • SPQR9 says:

       Those tourniquets have worked on people in the sandbox.

  26. JhmL says:

    Vader? More like what the speed-bike riders wore… :)

  27. Hanglyman says:

    “The FX-1 FlexForce Modular Hard Shell Crowd Control System”

    Your parents help you hook it up! The Legend of Zelda sold separately.

  28. Capital_7 says:

    They’re really getting that intimidating asshole look down, aren’t they?

  29. bumpngrindcore says:

    Heh. Looks like your average disposable guard in a videogame.

  30. Lemoutan says:

    I hope you can customise the ventral heading text.

    Empire‘ in Palace Script could work, momentarily lulling your  disturbance participants into thinking ‘Ooh! A friendly Cinema Usher’.

    Oh – and can you get one in Federation Red?

  31. Jenn Chlebus says:

    I’ll bet this is on Phoenix Jones’s Wish List.

  32. The manufacturer is called “Damascus”?? Come on, that’s way too easy…

  33. Pedantic Douchebag says:

    If only I’d had gear like this when I bounced at punk clubs years ago…maybe my knees would work properly.

  34. grip says:

    Motorcycle armor is expensive.  For $600 this looks like reasonably priced road protection if it is resistant to mid-speed abrasion.  Most of my riding gear has padding like this just covered with a fabric shell … which might be its downside. The last thing you want while skidding across the pavement is for your knee protection to catch a groove in the pavement and to dislocate your lower leg.

  35. J.C. says:

    “Pick up that can.”

  36. AckSed says:

    The next step is NCR Ranger Armor.

  37. IronEdithKidd says:

    I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: between Amazon and ebay, you can buy anything.

    Pro-tip: better (and far more affordable) personal “armour” can be found at your local Play-it-Again Sports shop. 

  38. Moriarty says:

    Vulnerable to Ewoks.

  39. RedShirt77 says:

    Does this come in fat?  I feel like they may need a larger size, without looking like John Candy  in space balls.

  40. Josiah White says:

    It’s hilarious that you kept your Amazon Affiliate number in there Cory. You know, just in case someone buys this mess, you still get some green.

  41. Lobster says:

    OK then.  What SHOULD riot police look like?  Or should we not have them?  Are we questioning the morality of the individual wearing the armor, or the validity of the profession?

    I’m sorry but there’s a point where “valid concerns about abuse of power” crosses over into “cynical teenager rejection of all authority.” 

    I’m confident someone’ll set me straight on this with an anecdote about police brutality that is in all ways representative of all police officers and a fair demonstration of their intended role in modern society.  After all, a riot cop has never been killed in the line of duty.  Ever.

    • donovan acree says:

       They should look like police. The militarization of the modern police force concerns many people, not just snarky teens. And for good reason. If you are unsure why this is a problem, I’ll leave it to you and your favorite search engine to do some self education.

    • Antinous / Moderator says:

      After all, a riot cop has never been killed in the line of duty.

      Maybe you should provide us with some statistics on numbers of riot cops killed and injured versus numbers of unarmed civilians killed and injured. I’m just positive that would prove your point.

    • Ito Kagehisa says:

      When Cuchulain  returns to Emain Macha, one eye swelled as large as a goblet and the other shrunk to the size of a pea, his clothes and armor burning off his body in the heat of his anger, and all the folk of Emain Macha realize that in his battle-rage he’s most likely going to slay them all, Conchobar’s wife leads all the nubile women out of the fortress naked.  Cuchulain is shocked out of his anger, and,  realizing he’s nude in the sight of the womenfolk he runs to the stream to hide under the bridge, where the heat of his body boils the water and kills all the fish for a mile upstream.

      So, obviously, from historical precedent:  cops should be beautiful and naked.

      It would work a hell of a lot better than anything people are doing today.

    • Thebes says:

      I think the better question is why our nation should so often need riot police responding when there are no actual riots.

      I could understand this sort of armour if the police were actually confronting Molotov throwing miscreants… but lately they use to to deal with “unlawful camping” while spraying CS gas at people as if it were bugspray and the protesters bugs.

  42. Deidzoeb says:

    This looks like a different direction for the Survivaball.

  43. mariess says:

    i actually think this would make quite cool protection for motorcyclists. aside for the obvious colour issue… 

  44. Charles Bennett says:

    Supper Hoodie from the Misfits 

  45. Preston Sturges says:

    From a 14th century perspective, it looks weakest around the collar bone, so he could be taken down by a peasant with a maul. That’s  setting the bar pretty high, but I’d still consider it the weak point.

  46. Sparg says:

    Guess they gotta put “POLICE” on the uni so we don’t think they’re soldiers from PKD’s Black Iron Prison.

  47. caseym54 says:

    It’s a bit worrisome that purchasers “also bought” a can of Zippo lighter fluid.

  48. Thebes says:

    Wow, right now I could buy a dozen outfits for my friends and we could kick in peoples’ doors pretending to look for drugs, then rob then once they’re secured.

    Not my sort of thing to do, but its got to make you wonder how often it happens, especially as SWAT team raids are increasingly used  for non-violent crimes.

  49. Ed Sevennten says:

    The funny thing about the Darth Vader get up is that the police hardly ever confronts the forces of mayhem.  Every time the WTO/OWS protesters start taking over cities and destroying private property, the Darth Vader-clad police stands there unengaged.  As as far as crowd control (and punishment) is concerned, I’ll take the short sleeve, baby blue, baton-wielding Chicago cops of the late 1960′s.

  50. Fat_Man says:

    There are no crowd control problems that Ma Deuce cannot solve.

  51. “I find your lack of respect for my authoritah disturbing.”

  52. LadyTigerTexas says:

    I can totally see this at a Halloween party! And the Grand Prize goes to …The Riot Policeman and his scantily clad OWS protestor date! Sweet! But then she leaves him for the Guy Fawkes mask wearer.. Awe!

  53. Bruno_Behrend says:

    It looks like my roller blading gear, being 50+ and all…

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