Communist turtles got to moon first

Alexis Madrigal writes: "The Soviet Zond 5 sent the animals around the moon -- although not into lunar orbit -- during a mission in the middle of September, 1968. The unmanned craft then returned to Earth and splashed down in the Indian Ocean, after which the Russians recovered the craft." The turtles were fine.


  1. Now I know why that red-eared slider in my kid’s preschool classroom always looks so goddamned smug.

  2. Turtles, more turtles, I’ll stack ’em to heaven!  I need ’bout three thousand six hundred and seven!

  3. They didn’t come into contact with any radioactive goo did they? Or was that just something Eastman and Laird made up to cover up the cosmic-ray exposure angle?

    1. No medals; but they were entitled to expropriate as much lettuce from the kulaks as they wished.

  4. Shortly thereafter, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles appeared.  I knew that that program was a Communist conspiracy.

  5. Unfortunately, the turtle/human language barrier will ensure that the story of their epic battle with the space nazis will remain forever lost to us.

    1. Surely there is no language barrier, versed in the universal language of Marxism Leninism as any good Communist turtle must be. Obviously there is an imperialist plot to discredit and suppress the achievements of socialism on behalf of the masses against the forces of cosmic aggression.

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