By Mark Frauenfelder at 10:59 am Fri, Apr 26, 2013
I can't vouch for the provenance of this alleged school test about dinosaurs. I just like to imagine cute dinosaurs the size of sheep. They must've been fabulous pets! (Via CN)
AAAAAAAHHHHHH GODDAMMIT my blood pressure didn’t need that this morning.
Oh my Glob.
Thy noodles be done. Ramen.
It’s legit – the photographer is a friend. He took the photo of his friend’s daughter’s paper. I can understand his keeping the name of the school confidential because he doesn’t want repercussions for child. However, given the amount of press this thing has gotten, I’m not sure that’s possible now.
I fell victim to the corollary to Poe’s Law, in that I had assumed this was so extreme that it must be parody.
Is Poe’s Law anything like Cole’s Law?
Exactly the same, but with less cabbage and mayonnaise.
Besides anecdotal evidence, Snopes also rates it “probably true” for Reasons.
I can vouch at least that all of those quiz answers are contained in “real” creationist materials that I’ve seen before.
I still have a couple of those books– did you read the one where they argue that dinosaurs were duckbilled dinosaurs who mixed chemicals in their sinus chambers like bombardier beetles?
You mean dragons, right? I’ve read that too.
Yeah, crumbs, I got a case of the typos. Imma go edit that.
Matthew McConaughey was so hot in that movie.
“That’s what I like about Creationism: the science debunking it gets older but the Earth stays the same age!”
Yup. I took similar tests (while being home schooled) about twenty-eight years ago. But by the time I was sixteen, I stopped believing in gods altogether. Go figure.
It’s Texas, isn’t it? Just fucking tell me :( My very real 8th grade science teacher was *encouraged* to leave my not religious public school for the horrible crime of teaching evolution. Interestingly, I heard about him on an atheist blog many years later and sent along a wave (I still have his awesome hand drawn curriculum).
South Carolina, IIRC
Oh at least for once…
The Carolinas don’t make out so well in that respect either. Ask Stephen Colbert some time, I bet he feels your pain.
Out of curiosity, why do we ( the rational people ) have to “teach the controversy” about evolution, and apparently the age of the earth, but they get a free pass to teach their magical thinking as unvarnished truth?
Shouldn’t the obligation to “teach the controversy” apply equally to both sides. “We believe that dinosaurs lived with man in the garden of eden 6000 years ago… scientists believe that the earth is 4.5 billion years old and that dinosaurs lived millions of years before humans, and died out long before anything that was even remotely human existed”.
Sauce for the goose?
Click through the full article to see page 2 of this test, which does indeed get into that a bit. With this gem of a question: “The next time someone says the earth is billions (or millions) or years old, what can you say?” Correct answer: “Were you there?!?!”
Both sides are covered! Debate tips also taught. Well rounded education right there.
The next time anybody says anything about the Bible, tell them it was all written by the Flying Spaghetti Monster. And then scream, “WERE YOU THERE????”
Nacho, His Noodly Appendage spreads peace, not derision. He hath instructed our words and actions to reflect The Holy Colander in its shininess, not the dull gleam of animosity.
You’re one of them new-age librul so-called Pastafarians. Well the Old Strainer was good enough for Marco Polo, and it’s good enough for all of us. So you better watch it when you’re profaning His Holy Noodle because you think you can rewrite it the way yoouuuu want with your fancy hippy talk, and it won’t save you from the boiling water.
The Spaghetti Monster hates figs.
PUH-lease, his great Boiling covered the world in the Sauce of Redemption! Our sins, and the ways of the Old Strainer, have been swept aside! Don’t try to cling to antiquated AntePomodorian doctrine when His bread has already Risen! UnRisen infidels like you will be leavened in the ovens of Hell’s kitchen unless you accept the True Noodle!
Peregrinus, The New Holy Colander is not a pastaschism, it’s a Pastiche
Please no. It’s too early for a pastaschism.
“Out of curiosity, why do we ( the rational people ) have to “teach the
controversy” about evolution, and apparently the age of the earth, but
they get a free pass to teach their magical thinking as unvarnished
BECAUSE EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!
I remember BoingBoing posting a link to a creationist textbook not too long ago. I think it mentioned what “scientists” say about the subject, but had the attitude of “Fortunately, we are smart enough to know that truth that the scientists do not want to believe.”
I know your question is mostly rhetorical, but…
Private schools (and homeschool parents) have a lot more leeway to brainwash kids. They may have to meet some degree of state-mandated standards, but not much. That whole pesky First Amendment thing…
But at the same time the creationists want the “controversy” taught in PUBLIC schools because they long ago lost the ability to use laws against heresy to prevent science from being taught. So now they seek to turn our own values of free speech, tolerance and critical thinking against us by pretending that anti-religious bias (as opposed to an utter lack of scientific evidence) is the only thing keeping creationism out of science curricula.
What is the “average” size of dinosaurs? We’re talking about a very broad category of creatures covering vast amounts of time. Some were big, but others were quite small.
So what was the actual average size? Does that number have any value? Do you weight it by population, length of time it existed? Or do all dinosaurs get equal treatment?
The bone shaped rocks you call fossils are actually fakes planted by Satan to confuse and distract the faithful. That there was such a variety over such a long period of time, and even an apparent “evolutionary progression” are all just clever ruses meant to lead the weak astray.
Dinosaurs were creatures that lived with manin the garden of eden until god got mad and destroyed them. Questions like “why” or “what did the look like” are blasphemous. God decided he didn’t like them anymore, and that’s all you need, and should want to know.
I think that’s covered by a test question at a Christian school with a slightly different viewpoint…
“True or False — Dinosaur bones were made by Satan and buried in the earth as a means of tricking us into believing that God doesn’t exist.”
The important thing is the average taste of dinosaurs: chicken.
(I know this from first hand experience because I once got a big package of fried dinosaur nuggets from Costco, and they tasted like chicken. Although the texture was a bit weird.)
The important thing is that dinosaurs taste of chicken.
They are huge and they are tiny. They have rough crinkly skin and beautiful colorful feathers. They have long necks and armored necks and fanned necks and no necks at all. They know how to hunt as a team and how to sneak around and scavenge each other’s eggs.
But the important thing is that dinosaurs taste of chicken.
You understand I have to speak from the perspective of the human race. We make McNuggets of all things.
I’m gonna need a lot more than a Smile sticker.
It’s hardly outside the scientific mainstream to categorize birds as dinosaurs, at which point, there are roughly ten thousand species of dinosaurs living today. That being the case, humans and dinosaurs clearly co-existed and continue to do so.
That’s the one saving grace in this test.
Yep. I was exposed to the current brand of cladistics when I took paleontology. Birds are now considered dinosaurs, ergo only non avian dinosaurs are extinct. I personally thought that was delightful! Most of America has had dinosaur for breakfast, lunch or dinner at least once this week!
Ack! The science, it blinds me!
It’s made Snopes, too.
So what is the optimal witty rejoinder to “Were you there?”
“The bible was written by monkeys with typewriters.”
As I’ve said before, the theory that an infinite number of monkeys with typewriters could eventually write the works of Shakespeare is not only true, it’s proven. They actually did this experiment before, with a very large but finite number of monkeys. And about a couple million years in, one of the monkeys actually did it. His name was William Shakespeare.*
(*And he didn’t even use a typewriter.)
“Good point, though I’m afraid that means we should discount the contents of the Bible as no living person was around to witness it being written down by God.”
“Your real daddy is the mailman.”
“Your teacher looks pretty good for someone two thousand plus years old.”
Depending on mood and audience, I would have:
“I have witnesses who were: rocks will tell you all about it, if you don’t close your ears to what they say.”
“That’s not a real question – it’s the sort of thing cult leaders use to trick people into believing lies.”
“Yes. Why, were you there to see otherwise?”
“Why was I talking to you, again? I really don’t understand why I ended up talking to you.”
Speak for yourself,
Thank you! My mom quotes that all the time, I gather she got it from her mother, and I’ve always wondered where it was from.
I wonder how screwed up these kids are going to be when they grow up?
“Were you there?”
That’s funny, I say the same thing when some jackass tells me that some guy 2000 years ago died for me then became a zombie all so his ghostly dad can love me again because someone else ate an apple when ghost guy said not to.
Not a zombie, a lich.
We must destroy Jesus’ phylactery to defeat him, otherwise he’ll just keep coming back.
That kid definitely cheated. No way in hell a 4th grader can be this fluent in geology, paleontology and anthropology.
The Christian Taliban are in the US and may be teaching your kids
South Carolina, home of the Shi’ite Christian.
Dinos the size of sheep would never stand a chance against a flood of that magnitude!
I’ve always said, shellfish don’t float. But nobody ever listens.
Not all Christians believe this. I was homeschooled as a kid and we got our lessons from a religious company that catered to Christian homeschooled families. Their lessons said that the earth was over a billions years old.
I think “as a kid” is the key phrase, here. It seems to me that only over the last decade has this TEACH THE CONTROVERSY! thing been, well, a thing. And it seems to me it was pretty much created by politicians, not by parents or school teachers.
I just feel like it was a way to further split people. And it worked.
You may be right. I went to an evangelical summer camp when I was little, and they never said anything about creation or evolution at all. Didn’t even touch abortion. And they even tended to mock televangelists of that era.
That was in the 80’s… and this is now.
Stuff like this always makes me think of the creepface reverend from Poltergeist II.
You’re all gonna die in there! All of you! You are gonna die!
I was willing to call BS because, in my grade 4 class we didn’t cover the test pages with cartoons and overly simplified sentences. So this school can’t even treat 10 years olds like 10 year olds regardless of the content of the lesson.
I think infantilizing children is a crucial part of the process. I agree with you: my children were assigned research projects at that age and would have laughed at such a babyish test. But this kind of “education” is about training children to stay in their place, vassals of their parents until they are fully indoctrinated. I will spoon-feed you this, and you will regurgitate it back at me….there’s a good girl/boy.
“I think infantilizing children is a crucial part of the process.”
Of course it is. That way the priests can be with 15-year olds who only SEEM 12.
I was in 6th grade when I was 10.
Ran into something like this recently. We took my sister-in-law’s kids and her fiance’s kids to the (natural history?) museum in Albuquerque and they were mocking the dinosaurs and there was a section on geography and they heavily mocked that too, as the earth was only 6,000 years old. Umm..wtf? Then her fiance stepped in and I was like oh, he’ll clear this up, but he agreed with the kids. I asked how he figured it was 6,000 years old, and he said that’s what the bible says. I said what fucking bible is that? And he said the catholic one is different than the one us heretics (I think he just mispronounced Methodists :) ) use. Well, he got me there, I have never read the “catholic bible” so who knows, maybe it mentions the 6,000 year thing. We started to get into a pretty big argument over it. I still can’t believe how willfully ignorant he was being.
The Catholic bible does not give an age for the earth. He probably hasn’t actually read the bible. The 6000 years is from the Ussher chronology and the methodology there is somewhat suspect. In contrast, here’s what Saint Thomas Aquinas, pretty much the last word in Catholic theology, had to say about science:
“The truth of our faith becomes a matter of ridicule among the infidels if any Catholic, not gifted with the necessary scientific learning, presents as dogma what scientific scrutiny shows to be false.”
There are fundamentalist Catholics out there but as far as I can tell they’re a pretty tiny minority — at least in part of the US where I live. You can see where Saint Thomas probably wouldn’t think too much of your sister-in-law’s fiance has to say on this subject.
Less to defend Catholicism than to make clear how ignorant and weird this guy’s claims were.
I was going to say, is he actually Catholic himself? It just doesn’t strike me as something an actual Catholic would say. There are lots of translations that Catholics recognize, but “the Catholic Bible” technically is supposed to refer to any bible containing the same set of books — 73 total including those apocrypha recognized by the Catholic church. But none of the apocrypha in that set say anything about the age of the earth, so that doesn’t make sense.
I would guess what he meant was the Ussher chronology, which I supposed is based on the KJB or something close to it — which I then suppose your average fundamentalist would consider “Catholic.”
One of my younger cousins (we’re both Catholic) schooled me on the “Catholic vs non-Catholic” bible thing a few years back. “Schooled” in the sense that I know it is a term, that there is some sort of difference in the Catholic bible, but not schooled enough to remember anything of substance.
Which probably goes to show you that there aren’t all that many differences.
MY Catholic bible has contribution from J.R.R. Tolkien. Now THAT is a bible! (plus the footnotes are a hoot.)
But, anyway — 6,000 years old is NOT in the bible, that comes from somebody else.
Crap. And here I thought most Catholics were immune from this sort of nut-jobbery. The Church accepts evoltuion, f’r crying out loud!
But that doesn’t mean anything to dyed-in-the-wool new conservatives.
Even Pat Robertson cops to evolution. PAT FUCKING ROBERTSON. I’m not kidding.
He acknowledges it in a somewhat qualified way, but still…
Catholic bibles contain extra chapters, which are referred to as Apocrypha. How hilarious is that?
No version of the Bible gives a date for creation, but there are lots of attempts to trace the date back based on assembling chronologies of events in the Bible. See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anno_mundi
If someone says that the age of the earth is the bible, the first thing to ask is edition, chapter and verse. If they actually have an answer then at least you’ll know what you are arguing about.
Given some of the books I’ve flipped through when I was home schooling my kiddo – I don’t doubt it’s real.
Maybe what they are up to is inculcating a suspicion of authority. Not a bad plan, really. Like Santa Claus, but more hammer like.
Fucking dinosaurs – how do they work?
This makes me sad.
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