Tapir penis: Almost as horrifying as echidna penis

In this not-exactly-safe-for-work video, two tapirs (a jungle-dwelling mammal, related to the rhinoceros) go at it with verve, while a nice family watches and makes what I assume to be amusing commentary.

As Matthew Cobb at Why Evolution is True discovered, this is only one entry in a whole genre of tapir sex videos and tapir penis photos.

Previously: The truly horrific penis of the echidna

Video Link


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      first, looking at the picture, I thought the stick on the ground in the
      background was the penis.  (It’s positioned very carefully….)   I
      thought, “wait, he missed!”


  1. At first, looking at the picture, I thought the stick on the ground in the background was the penis.  (It’s positioned very carefully….)   I thought, “wait, he missed!”

  2. I first came across (sorry) the horrific tapir penis in the YouTube series “True Facts About the…”   The funniest is probably the one about the sea cucumber, but since we’re talking about penises, here’s the one about the duck.  (NSFW) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6k01DIVDJlY Yes, duck. 

  3. The day I first saw animals having sex I was sure there was no God.
    God would never be able to conceive something as deliciously kinky as that.
    I mean it’s just sinful.

    1. Perhaps not when the tip is longer than our species entire package.
      It appears to be a little farsighted, though, and might benefit from having a monocle or contact lens.

    1.  Have we really gotten so uptight that animals mating is not safe for work? Do you people work in the Vatican?

  4. Just wondering if Maggie would describe some of nature’s more “interesting” vaginas as terrifying?

    1. Horror movies are able to use terrifying monster vaginas a lot more easily than penises. 

  5. So now you know why it’s called that.

    (Because you are curious:  the Oxford English Dictionary’s first cite for ‘taper’ as a shape is about 20 years after the first cite for the animal, but the word for candle came centuries earlier.)

  6. Was he inexperienced, particularly bad at it, or is this really how ineptly male tapirs use their equipment?

    1. I read that tapirs are endangered, so we’re probably looking at two animals in a zoo or animal sanctuary breeding program.  Tapirs are also nocturnal forest foragers. 

      Those programs will go to some length (I just can’t seem to resist going for a joke here) to preserve the remaining gene pool of an animal that is rapidly disappearing.  This may include sedating females in heat who might resist being mounted by the only available male. We are not seeing ‘natural selection’ at work, whereby when a male presents himself in the forest in response to the scent in the air, she looks over at him and says, ‘Yeah… but not you.  Next.’  She senses something about him that isn’t quite to her liking  Or maybe it’s the male that needs convincing… either way one wonders if we’re watching two animals ‘chose’ to mate, to the small degree that animals can.  A much broader and wiser intelligence is being circumvented to preserve a species.

  7. I’m trying to make sense of the new community guidelines in the context of posts like this:

    “Keep it clean. Don’t post anything obscene or sexually explicit.”

    “Keep the language, links, and images safe for family and friends.”

    I assume the standards are a bit more relaxed for posts like this one?  Mild innuendo and clinical discussions of biological reality aren’t going to be problematic in the future, right?

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