From Boing Boing pal Dave Eggers' pitch perfect opinion piece in the New York Times:
Q: I think I have it.
A: Have what?
Q: It. I've got extreme fatigue, migraines, chills, aches, nausea and a fever of 102.
A: Are we talking about coronavirus?
Q: We are. I'm worried. I'm 50. People my age are dying.
A: That does sound concerning. Let's get you tested.
Q: OK, I'm ready.
A: You mean now?
Q: Of course.
A: Oh, you can't do one now.
Q: Why not?
A: How's late next week look for you?
Q: Late next week? I'm sick today.
A: We have three appointments in mid July. Wait. Those were just taken. How's your end-of-month?
Q: We're four months into the pandemic. It still takes that long to get a test?
A: It depends. Looks like Tulsa has a drive-through thingie tomorrow. Are you anywhere near Tulsa, Okla.?
A: Keystone, S.D.?
A: Well, then it could take longer. Where are you?
Q: San Francisco.
A: Oh, then it'll be a lot longer. Let me make sure … Let's see … Typing in 'San Francisco' … Is that two S's or two C's? No, I got it. Whoa, looks like a lot of people want tests where you are.
Q: And you don't have enough?
A: Oh, we have plenty of tests. We just don't have appointments. You need an appointment to get a test, and the appointments — these we don't have.
"Testing, Testing" (New York Times)
image: US CDC's COVID-19 laboratory test kit (public domain)