Model and actor Chrissy Teigen wrote a personal essay about the recent loss of her third child with husband John Legend, published as a Medium post on Tuesday. This is Teigen's first time addressing the public since the miscarriage.
She announced her pregnancy with their child in August. On September 30, she and Legend shared news of the loss of their son, Jack, in a social media post with several powerful photos.
Teigen explains in today's Medium post that her doctors diagnosed her with a partial placental abruption.
People say an experience like this creates a hole in your heart. A hole was certainly made, but it was filled with the love of something I loved so much. It doesn't feel empty, this space. It feels full.
Maybe *too* bursting full, actually. I find myself randomly crying, thinking about how happy I am to have two insanely wonderful little toddlers who fill this house with love. I smother them with love while they "Moooooooom!!!!!" me. I don't care.
I also cry when I get mad at myself for being too happy. Sometimes I read things that make me gut laugh, or see an instagram post worthy of a like (yes, I'm gone but I've still been creeping!). And, I always forget I'm not pregnant anymore. I hold my belly when I walk around. I have a moment of freak out when the kids jump on my non-existent bump. The clarity after these moments always make me sad.
I feel bad our grief was so public because I made the joy so public. I was excited to share our news with the world. Stories leading up to this had been chronicled for all. It's hard to look at them now. I was so positive it would be okay. I feel bad that I made you all feel bad. I always will.
Read the rest here.