Famous novels' opening lines rewritten for the present pandemic moment

In the New Yorker, Eli Grober rewrote the opening sentences of iconic novels to make them reflect the (sur)reality of today. Here are a few of my favorites:

"A Tale of Two Cities," by Charles Dickens

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. But, mostly, it was the worst of times. In fact, not once had it felt like the best of times."

"To Kill a Mockingbird," by Harper Lee

"When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow. And since we were remote-learning, he had to sign his own cast."

"Moby-Dick," by Herman Melville

"Call me Ishmael327. I am a Twitter bot, trolling your election."

"Gravity's Rainbow," by Thomas Pynchon

"A screaming comes across the sky. It is me. I am screaming. It feels good to scream."

Read all of them: "Opening Lines Rewritten for a Pandemic" (The New Yorker)

image: Wikipedia (public domain)