This Daily Show PSA on vaccine hesitancy assures us that the US government is not microchipping you via the Covid-19 vaccine. Not because they don't want to, but because they don't need to. "Trust me, we already know everything we need to know about you," government spokeslady Desi Lydic confirms.
From your email to everything on your smartphone to your electric toothbrush, which "sends us a detailed map of your teeth," to even your DNA (stored in the love-licks of your dog's mouth), the government – with the support of big tech and megacorporations – has already got you covered.
"So please, get the vaccine. It's safe, it's effective, and besides, we've already microchipped you through your vape pens," Lydic concludes. "That was us."