Chinese Chess master accused of cheating using remote-controlled vibrating anal beads

Last year, Chess grandmaster Hans Neimann was accused of cheating at the board by using vibrating anal beads, an accusation so stupidly dramatic it briefly lent the game the kayfabey vibe of pro wrestling. Now the same story has come to Chinese Chess, Xiangqi, imported almost without edits into the hypothetical anus of a similarly disliked talent there.

According to the CXA, Mr Yan started drinking with friends in his hotel room shortly after winning the title of "Xiangqi King" at a national tournament held on the Chinese island of Hainan last week. He then defecated in the bathtub of his room in an act "that damaged hotel property and violated public order and good morals", said the CXA statement. The CXA was forced to address rumours circulating online that Mr Yan had cheated using anal beads equipped with wireless transmitters to send and receive signals. "Based on our understanding of the situation, it is currently impossible to prove that Yan engaged in cheating via 'anal beads' as speculated on social media," the CXA said

It's time for a chess tournament where the players are blindfolded and receive notifications of moves as morse code delivered through, well, you know.