Valentine's Day is just around the corner, and while I'm a big fan of love, I'm not a big fan of the obscene amounts of money that Americans spend on the holiday. The National Retail Federation's annual survey found that Americans are projected to spend a record-breaking $27.5 billion for Valentine's Day this year—on items including candy ($2.5 billion), flowers ($2.9 billion), greeting cards ($1.4 billion), an evening out ($5.4 billion), and jewelry ($6.5 billion). Last year's spending was $25.8 billion, and the previous record was $27.4 billion, from 2020. The average Valentine's Day shopper this year will spend $188.81, up from 2024's $185.81!
My advice? Skip all of that, save your money, and get your love something that will truly delight them—an e-card from the U.S. Fish & Wildlife Service, Southeast Region, the federal agency "charged with protecting fish, wildlife, and their habitats." There are four sweet and funny e-cards to choose from:
An outstanding Virginia Opossum, with the greeting, "You're the only reason I haven't crawled into a storm drain and started a new life. Happy Valentine's Day." (This is my favorite, duh).
A gorgeous Gopher Tortoise, with the greeting, "You must be a keystone species, because without you, my whole world collapses."
A resplendent Red-Cockaded Woodpecker, with the greeting, "Are you a longleaf pine? Because I'd cling to you forever."
And a magnificent Manatee, with the greeting, "If I could kiss you underwater, I would. . . But I'd probably just bump into you awkwardly instead."
It's a win-win-win! You save money, the planet doesn't have to endure more useless crap-that-turns-into-trash, and your loved one gets to gaze upon some of the wonderful creatures that live in the Southeastern United States, and laugh at the clever graphics and greetings the USFWS created to accompany the images.
Happy Valentine's Day! Go get your free e-cards here or here.
