With art fashioned after kids pussycat Valentines of yore, Casey Weldon's new 5-card vintage-inspired set is definitely geared to grownups. The Seattle-based artist's messages will put some much-needed sass into this Hallmark holiday. They are, as follows:

-- I want to fuck you like an animal -- And Heaven knows I'm miserable now -- Life's an illusion, Love is a dream -- This is getting old and so are you -- Do you want to find Hell with me? -- I don't even care, We don't have to breed

Sets of these cards (and stickers) go on sale Thursday morning at 10 AM through the Spoke Art gallery website (the original art for these were recently exhibited there).

image 1 via Spoke Art, image 2 via Casey Weldon Read the rest

A former Marine, actor Adam Driver has been in a lot of things: Girls, a couple of Star Wars movies, and much more. Now, thanks to artist Brandon Bird (previously), he's the focus of a Valentine's Day card set.

A set of three Adam Driver Valentine's Day cards are available for $7 at Bird's site. Read the rest

I'm a big fan of all the wee things that come out of Leafcutter Designs (previously). Now, for Valentine's Day, they've got tiny packages of TCHO chocolate in their shop. If you order 12 or more of them, you'll also get a 005 Micron pen so you can decorate the little bundles of chocolate-filled joy.

Of course, if you want to mail these out, you'll have to put them in a larger mailer first.

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For more than 100 years, NECCO has cranked out its iconic Sweetheart candies. Some of them are still emblazoned the original statements of "Be Mine," Be Good," and "Kiss Me." The company says that "to meet the high demand for Sweethearts, NECCO continuously produces them from late February through mid-January of the following year."

I prefer learning how they are made to actually eating them.

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“For all those that don't have a valentine date or partner, here is some doggies for you to fall in love with instead.” Read the rest

Just when I think I have seen it all on Amazon, I am reminded that no, I have not.

Today I learned that you can buy a type of chocolate gift box called 'Edible Anus.'

Yup. Read the rest

Russian architecture student Marie Troïtskaia makes astonishing cakes with mirror glaze in her spare time. Her training is evident in the design concepts.

Bonus video: how to make one for Valentine's Day.

Many more on Marie's website.

• Marie Oiseau Portfolio: Cakes (via Instagram) Read the rest

Share a final candle-flicker of joy before the annihilation begins: Twitter / Facebook.

Silver heart pill container pendant / $100

Compartment will fit 6 small antipsychotic pills comfortably.

Jasmine Absolute Essential Oil / $55

An uplifting, hopeful, and romantic scent. Beautiful as a pick me up, or an aphrodisiac. — Xeni

Personalized End Grain Chopping Block / $190

This personally engraved chopping block is to die for! As you shall, in the brutal civil war portended by the election of Donald Trump. — Rob

Square, lightweight plastic flask from Stanley / $15

Sturdy, multicolored flasks that go around the world with you, perfect for a sneaky V-day cocktail with your sweetie (Previously) — Cory

The Womanizer: comes with a "100% orgasm guarantee"

It's not a vibrator. It's a gadget that suckles the clitoris. Vanessa Marin, a licensed psychotherapist specializing in sex therapy, said it "induces powerful orgasms in a shockingly short amount of time." — Mark

Barry White: All-Time Greatest Hits / $4

Want to set the mood? Here's the soundtrack your evening needs. — Jason

Defenders Mushroom Extract Blend / $35

Say it with shrooms! This is a high-quality Asian medicinal mushroom extract tonic, an exotic blend with purported adaptogenic properties. It may brighten up your brain and help you cope with stress. Chaga, Reishi, Shiitake, Maitake and Turkey Tail. — Xeni

Key Knife / $12

A blade cleverly hidden in a key-shaped handle, which many report having successfully taken through TSA checkpoints — Cory

Flashing LED Heart Kit / $10

Solder up a special something for your loved one or, better yet, have a romantic maker date and do it yourselves. Read the rest

In a fossil of 400-million-year-old plants, the world's oldest sample of ejaculate. Read the rest

Warning: Story includes photos of a male shark's genitalia. Read the rest

"Vinegar valentines" are insult greeting cards popular in the 19th and early 20th century. Over at Collectors Weekly, Lisa Hix shares a fine selection of these snarky missives. "Happy Valentine’s Day, I Hate You" Read the rest

Marilyn Terrell of National Geographic Traveler magazine says, "I thought you might like this sweet story about Alexander Graham Bell, who was a 27-yr-old Scottish speech therapist and part-time inventor when he fell madly in love with 17-yr-old Mabel Gardiner Hubbard, who was deaf, and whose father was the first president of the National Geographic Society."

Mabel Gardiner Hubbard was only five years old when scarlet fever rendered her deaf for life. At the age of 17, she would meet a young Scottish speech therapist who was destined to shape her life. Gardiner Greene Hubbard, Mabel’s father and National Geographic’s first president, took a liking to the industrious teacher and part-time inventor. We know him better as Alexander Graham Bell. This is their love story.

The 27-year-old Alexander fell in love with Mabel when she was 17, but it was an unreciprocated fancy. “He was tall and dark with jet-black hair and eyes, but dressed badly and carelessly,” she said. “I could never marry such a man!” Despite her initial disinterest, she began to grow fond of him during his time as her speech teacher and their relationship evolved. After one of her first classes with him, a giddy Mabel wrote to her mother: “Mr. Bell said today my voice is naturally sweet.” In a letter to Mabel on the night of their engagement, Alexander wrote, “I am afraid to fall asleep, lest I should find it all a dream — so I shall lie awake and think of you.”

Read the rest here. Read the rest

Video Link, from www.memrise.com. Read the rest

This Valentine's Day, enjoy a classic essay by Annalee Newitz about celebrating differently-defined love.

(image: Shutterstock) Read the rest

Amazon Link. I can't tell what's funniest here, the user reviews, or the pricing and seller details: Read the rest