Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the hospital, here comes Candida auris, a drug-resistant fungus that's spreading faster than war plans texts from Pete Hegseth. The CDC has slapped it with their scariest label — "urgent antimicrobial resistance threat."
According to The Hill, this little fungal menace has been living its best life in American hospitals since 2016, with cases jumping in 2023 like a chemically-fortified Musk. It's now partying in 38 states, with New York leading the fungal festivities at 1,795 cases, followed by Illinois at 1,627, and California at 1,566.
What makes C. auris such an unwelcome fungus? For starters, it's harder to kill than a cockroach at a nuclear test site. It laughs at anti-fungal drugs and hangs out on hospital surfaces like a teenager at Hot Topic. "It's really good at just being, generally speaking, in the environment," says Melissa Nolan, an epidemiology professor at the University of South Carolina, probably while reaching for hand sanitizer.
But here's the really fun part – and by fun, we mean terrifying: "If you get infected with this pathogen that's resistant to any treatment, there's no treatment we can give you to help combat it. You're all on your own," Nolan adds, in what might be the most unhelpful medical advice since "take two aspirin and call me in the morning."
Previously:
• Newly discovered fungal zombie spiders named for Sir David Attenborough
• Whiskey fungus is a real-life Lovecraftian nightmare, only drunker
