A 500-year-old oak tree that survived the Spanish Armada, two World Wars, and centuries of British weather just met its match: a panicked middle manager at a mediocre roast dinner chain.
As the BBC reports, the head honchos at Mitchells & Butlers — proud owners of Toby Carvery, purveyors of bland Yorkshire puddings to the masses — decided this majestic oak needed to be chopped down because of a few dead branches. This despite a March 2024 document calling it a "fine specimen."
Mitchells & Butlers CEO Phil Urban, apparently awakening from what must have been a decades-long nap, claims he only learned about the arboreal assassination from media reports.
Sure, Phil. And I only learned about gravity when my toast hit the floor this morning.
The company's story has more versions than The Iliad. First the tree was dead (it wasn't), then it was dangerous (it wasn't), then they had all the proper permits (they didn't).
Now they're "tightening protocols" — corporate speak for "please stop being mean to us on Twitter."
Somewhere in tree heaven, this ancient oak is looking down at its stump and wondering how it survived half a millennium only to be done in by a restaurant chain that thinks "Gooey Mac & Cheese topped with our delicious Pigs in Blankets" is haute cuisine.
Previously:
• Dilbert's Scott Adams is sorry he chopped hot peppers without wearing gloves
