Simulated crime-scene bathroom accessories

Worried about not making a good impression on the date you've just brought over to your place for a nightcap? Spice up the bathroom with these matching bloody bathmats and shower curtains!

Blood Bath Mat

Blood Bath Shower Curtain

(via Street Anatomy)

I write books. My latest is a YA science fiction novel called Homeland (it's the sequel to Little Brother). More books: Rapture of the Nerds (a novel, with Charlie Stross); With a Little Help (short stories); and The Great Big Beautiful Tomorrow (novella and nonfic). I speak all over the place and I tweet and tumble, too.

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Anonymous

Anyone know if these are available in the US?
Anonymous

If I may point out, acrylic craft paint isn’t very waterproof. Something oil-based would probably be wiser.
wakaman

I do this with water-based paint, stage blood and other accessories for Halloween parties at my apartment.
markfrei

#3
Alas real blood turns dark brown rather quickly and even washes out :-(
Anonymous

For God sake! It’s not that serious! Just buy the thing and have fun with it!
Anonymous

acrylic paint is unfortunately daaaaamn waterproof as most of my clothes sho=(
Anonymous

Acrylic paint dries crunchy, though. I want my bloody bath mat to be useable and still feel nice underfoot, and I don’t feel confident in my ability to get a strong color and a crisp shape with fabric dye.
Anonymous

Actually, once dried, acrylic paint is perfect for customizing any accessories! I made a Halloween costume for work a few years back using acrylic paint and my own hand/finger prints on a white butcher’s apron, my shoes, a white bandana, and accessorized with a Psycho noise-emitting knife and a squeaky rubber porkchop dogtoy.
LOSERKID

THAT LOOKS SO KOL
flashdadi

@mgfarrelly

I am a 6’4″, fifty yo, 300# ex-marine.

I love it when someone discovers my master bath is decorated with Hello Kitty.

8o)
pyramus

Paint on the outside of a cheap translucent shower curtain. Waterproof problem solved.

Acrylic paint that has soaked into fabric, allowed to dry, and then ironed is plenty waterproof. Problem solved.

And it’s the kind of joke that gets old, so you’re probably going to get sick of them in three months anyway, in which case waterproofness is not much of an issue. If I wanted them (and I sort of do), an hour of my time and $5 seems like a better investment than $50.
Steve Stair

As best as I can tell, they don’t actually seem to sell the products they list. They’ve got prices, but no way to actually buy them.
Takuan

make it more of a performance art piece. Get five gallons of blood from the slaughterhouse and enjoy the full gamut of the experience from fresh crimson finger painting through the full drying spectrum of various ochres and browns and final buzzing flies. The intial wet foot steeps giving way to tarry sensations and eventual crust.
buddy66

Jesus H. Christ, Takuan!

*on the floor*
hueso

is nice for adult, but…if the family have children is very dangerous…
Takuan

don’t forget the little homey touches, the handcuffs artlessly draped over the shower curtain track, the darling little Stihl with the petite 20 inch bar on the vanity…
hassan-i-sabbah

Actionism at home! ahh!
airship

I can’t wait ’til the maid sees these!
dculberson

Pyramus, you forgot to add in the cost of the blank bath mat and blank shower curtain.
Tenn

Clearly, this is meant for teenagers like me to decorate their dorms. And I already have the waterproof crimson paint!
infinity

the home inspector is coming tomorrow. this would have been fun to have up as they inspect the fixtures in the upstairs bathroom.
Takuan

home inspector? Hope it’s not your home you’re letting them into.
Tangolomango

“Worried about not making a good impression on the date you’ve just brought over to your place for a nightcap?”

This is what me & my friends call as BLACK FENG SHUI. The way of setting up your home so the girl will leave your home with no questions asked. And quickly!
mgfarrelly

“Wow, I can’t believe you came back to my place” *Snog* *Snuggle* “Oh, the bathroom, second door on the right. *Kiss* *Cuddle*

“What’s wrong? Why are you scream- oh.”

*DOOR SLAM*

“I’m going to die a virgin.”
EeyoreX

If you infuse carbon dioxide into the blood it slows down coagulation so it stays fresh and runny a bit longer.
Or so I’ve heard.

Anyway, i’m pretty sure I saw these exact shower curtains like ten years ago. They were a hand-out novelty from Universal to promote that soulless remake of Psycho.
Takuan

don’t you keep a fire extinguisher loaded with heparin handy?
Anonymous

Me likee. Want. Now.

If any potential male doesn’t get it, he won’t get me either!
pyramus

I am not trying to be douchey or deny someone’s right to make money from a reasonably clever idea, but SERIOUSLY, folks: you could make these for less than three bucks each with a dollar- store shower curtain, a cheap bath towel, and some acrylic craft paint.
rak0ribz

Pyramus:

Really, why go to the expense of buying craft paint? There’s probably already a razor in the bathroom, anyway…
efergus3

Cool. They look just like the real thing. Or so I hear.
efergus3

Of course the mat is facing the wrong way. The prints should be going INTO the shower. Or so I hear.
frederga

Pyramus:

What about really busy people who have no time for buying acrylic craft paint, but they do have money to buy bloody bath accessories? People outsource all kinds of tasks for all kinds of reasons. This is just that point in our culture’s evolution when we stop making bloody bath accessories at home, and start letting professionals do it. Just like we did with house building, dvd-player-assembling, and floss-making.