Captain and Mrs. Hook's LP of music for Christian pirate children


We have Schadenfreudian Therapy to thank for digitizing this LP of Christian pirate music for children.

This album is chock-full of piping childen’s voices singing about being Christian pirates and long-winded sermons about not spending all your money at the proverbial circus and missing the train to Heavenville and such. The best part is a surly puppet sidekick "Sharkey" who likes to refer to the good Cap’n as “fatso” and is guilty of the eighth and ninth deadly sins of interrupting and backtalking.


  1. I once saw these guys running out on the bill at a Long John Silver’s in Harrisburg, PA.

  2. The TV show was on a strange homemade videotape I found in Brooklyn’s sadly departed “Reel Life.”

    The intro explains that Captain Hook lost his hand in a vehicle (motorcycle, I think) accident, and then found christianity.

    The footage of the children and puppets rapping is one of the most painful things I’ve ever endured.

  3. LMAO

    Lets hope those kids got some professional therapy.

    Nothing says “Pirate” quite like a starfish under a net and a photo studio backdrop! – LOL

  4. This looks like the marriage of Dom Deluise and Marlo Thomas gone horribly wrong.

  5. Looks like that kid on the right has been the recipient of some stitches by a very incompetent doctor.

  6. come now Tom, in point of fact, many pirates did consider themselves christians and even made appeal to that particular god when the trapdoor opened.

  7. who knew the librarian/bier maiden look would work so well together? two great tastes that go great together.

  8. Hi Tom! I for one welcome our new Christian pirate overlords and invite us all to do the same! No joking or poking involved!

  9. arrr! ther ye be now laddie! C’mon now, git in this barrel and we’ll do it hurricane style! (with no apology to Firesign Theatre)

  10. Judging by the look on Sharkey’s face, Captain Hook might have ‘hooked’ something interesting.

  11. I may have had personal issues with Von R. Saum, (that I won’t go into here- suffice it to say thar be pirate blood hereabouts), but I had nothing to do with his final ‘plank walk’. Just for the record.
    I can’t wait to find out what the Lord said to him.

  12. That kid on the right’s not fooling anyone… I can see his eye sneakin’ out from under the eyepatch.

  13. Wonderful Stuff… I love how Pirate Dom’s hand is too big to fit inside the guard of his sword. Is he going to beat his enemies over the head with it? If that is the implication, why is he not going to use his puppet pal to beat back the boarders?

    Finally, is that puppet pal supposed to be Liberace with his ruffled tunic? Is this some sort of anti gay pirate pianist statement?

    If so, know that I am offended by this blog post on behalf of all fat gay pirates!

  14. I’d tap the wench!

    Also, as a Christian, I find this hilarious. Please bring us more! Too many Christians take themselves way too seriously. Did that sentence make sense? Anyhow, this is amazing stuff- I wonder if they were from Canada…selling pirated music across the border at cut-rate prices…it would be even better if they were from Saskatchewan.

    It would make an interesting anthropological study to see where those poor kids are at right now.

  15. Holy shit, I saw that act! Late ’70s, Church of the Nazarene in Orrville, Ohio. And until today, I’d blocked it out. Thaaaanks.

  16. I’d like to redirect you and impress upon you to watch #3’s link…it’s a veggie tales vid that is overtly subliminal; fucking roosters, licking fart plugs, and “go fuck yourself” is implied. Just watch. I don’t think this is my “adult” mind obscuring an innocent show.
    -my 1 1/2 cents

  17. Veggie Tales? Are you serious? Even though I have some major issues with church, I loved that song as a kid and I still do. Maybe I’m just naive but I have no idea what you’re talking about. Explain?

  18. There was a guy called “Patch the Pirate” who used to come to my Christian elementary school and put on shows. I had one of his records, Patch the Pirate goes to Outer Space…

  19. I can’t decide if I’d rather be stuck on a boat with these guys or some Somalis with AK-47s.

  20. I know of this guy. He came to our church once a year in Hamilton Ohio during the late 70’s. Rumor was that he lost his hand in a motorcycle accident.

  21. This guy used to be on TV in Indianapolis in the ’70’s. Twas great sport to get high and watch him. I remember him saying, “Arrrgh, mateys, if you touch that dial, I’ll scuttle your fingers!” While waving his hook at the camera…….

  22. Saline Mich, First Assembly of God and my church camp in the late 70’s. I wonder if this album is still at my moms house? The one I had came with an eye patch!

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