Mean Monkey Monday 9

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43 Responses to “Mean Monkey Monday 9”

  1. ROSSINDETROIT says:

    They get the turtle anatomy way more accurate than they needed to. The angle of the limbs, the shape of the plastron, the spiky bits on the tail and the edges of the shell. Pretty good artwork for a pulp magazine.

  2. joelfreeman says:

    The dude looks like Frank Frazetta.

  3. Meteornotes says:

    This series MUST continue! Not only is it highly entertaining, but it is likely inspiring new SyFy Channel movies.

  4. pjcamp says:

    What do the blonde and the turtle have in common?

    They’re both screwed on their backs.

    Hah! I gotta million of em.

  5. Anonymous says:

    Hold your arms out in front of you.

    Now connect the hands.

    The resultant space is roughly the size shell of the snapping turtle that I had swim after my toes as I swam around Wegamind Island, lake Joseph , Muskoka.

    (This shortly before we were over-taxed off our land by 150% by those other turtles (Government officials) )

    FYI It took about 10 to 15 power back strokes to convince this snapping turtle to give up and break off the chase.

    It took these other governmental turtles 125 years to take us down.

  6. Anonymous says:

    …That’s no ordinary Turtle!

    …That’s the most foul, crewel and bad tempered Terrapin you ever laid eyes on!

  7. Anonymous says:

    You’re looking good, Jonathon. Jonathon just got an awesome face paint job. What do you think?

    Jonathan: I like turtlGNARRRRRRAAAAGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

  8. Anonymous says:

    It looks to me like he’s trying to stab the woman in the heart, and the Koopas are trying to stop him.

  9. Lobster says:

    Wait a minute… No, no, no, this isn’t right at all!

  10. dr.hypercube says:

    Calls to mind a favorite childhood B– movie starring many mean mutant anuran monkey bayou dwellers.

  11. BW says:

    There is no way this is real.

  12. Anonymous says:

    Wait…so all this time the Mean Monkey…was really the MAN?!?!
    We can all learn a little something from this.

  13. MrsBug says:

    Have you ever seen the jaws of a snapping turtle? Frickin’ dinosaur monsters jaws!

  14. Ugly Canuck says:

    Q: How do you prevent the mean monkey from biting you on Monday?

    A: Kill the mean monkey on Sunday.

    Oh, that’s cruel. Better to simply remove its teeth.

  15. JoeKickass says:

    The noble turtle defends the damsel in distress from a madman with a knife!

  16. Spinkter says:

    “San Antonio, Home of Texas’ Love-Happy Gals”? Hold on a minute, my wife grew up in San Antonio, and … well, I guess that’s more or less accurate.

  17. Anonymous says:

    Looks like Xeni! Love the FC article!

  18. planettom says:

    Once I was swimming cross Turtle creek
    Man them snappers all around my feet
    Sure was hard swimming ‘cross that thing
    With both hands holdin’ my ding-a-ling

    -Chuck Berry

  19. Anonymous says:

    I love you Mark.

  20. S2 says:

    I grok that the apes/monkeys/baboons were stand-ins for black men stealin’ white women, but whoinahell were the turtles symbolizing? Were these magazine mutts so prescient that they foresaw April and the TMNT, and this was their attempt to head off a reptilian “Mandingo moment” should their ladies suddenly have looked to the sewers for romance? (Wouldn’t surprise me, since so many Man’s Life readers apparently needed the help of monthly lessons on masculine inadequacies…)

  21. groovyeyal says:

    I love these! I look forward to seeing them every week. I was getting bored with the primates and then you go ahead and post the “Man Eating Turtles”. Where can I get posters?

  22. Anonymous says:

    Next Monday: unicorns.

  23. Anonymous says:

    Just change from “Mad Monkey Mondays” to “Terrible Turtle Tuesdays.” That should carry you through the holidays.

  24. sickstep says:

    They have knees!

  25. cjp says:

    Alligator snapping turtles have a bite strength of 1500 psi. Hyenas clock in around 1000 psi, sharks and lions about 600psi.

  26. franko says:

    well, now you’re just being ridiculous.

  27. Anonymous says:

    I heard a story about this once, but the guy involved in that one had a mustache.

  28. racerx_is_alive says:

    I hope this only concludes Mean Monkey Monday because you are moving on to Terrifying Turtle Tuesdays. This series has been great, and I’m sad to see it end.

  29. Kibble says:

    My fifth birthday party all over again.

  30. planettom says:

    For those who must have more:

    http://artofmanliness.com/2010/05/26/vintage-mens-adventure-magazines/

    Weasels, otters, snakes, alligators, flying squirrels, all prepared to rip man-flesh (And, often, that same lady in the red blouse as well).

  31. Anonymous says:

    Let us not forget the classic ending credits of “Tarzan the Ape Man”, where an orangutan wrestles half-naked Bo Derek next to a blissed-out Tarzan. Mean Monkey Monday need not end yet!

  32. Robbie says:

    protip: If you’re female, somewhat well endowed, of hourglass figure, Caucasian or light skinned, and with blonde to medium brown hair, do NOT, I repeat, do NOT wear a low cut red blouse with a black skirt/shorts/pants near areas that may have wildlife.

  33. jordan says:

    They’re part-Godzilla, part-Gamera.

  34. Anonymous says:

    That guy does not like turtles.

  35. Anonymous says:

    As Willie the grounds keeper said, “AAAHHHH!!! Who’ll save me from the wee turtles?”

  36. millrick says:

    those ain’t no giant turtles

    this here’s a giant turtle
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meiolania


    anecdotally, i’ve inadvertently shared the water with snapping turtle at least a metre in length. a very humbling experience indeed

  37. Anonymous says:

    Seriously, turtles? Turtles!? Someone thought this would appeal to someone’s he-man fantasies? Who the hell sat around going, “Yah, I’d save the hot babe from a bunch of turtles. THEN she’d sleep with me!” Good thing turtles only seem to be good at biting off the top buttons on blouses and tearing off men’s shirts.

    Her hair is magically dry even though it is dragging in the water.

    And how did one get on his neck? Is that one of those mythical jumping turtles? Plus this bunch seems to be fans of “Turtle’s Life” magazine where they fanatize about actually being piranhas.

    Good luck with that knife, they have pretty hard shells you know.

  38. jtegnell says:

    You’re missing the best part of the cover!

    “Masculine inadequacies drive women nuts!”

  39. Rob Cruickshank says:

    Isn’t this that Schwarzenegger movie, Turtle Recall?

  40. Sam says:

    The one on his shoulder looks like it is whispering to him…

    • Boba Fett Diop says:

      “Good…your hate has made you powerful. Now fulfill your destiny and take your father’s place at my side!”

  41. Anonymous says:

    Get the book Biology of the Snapping Turtle by Steyermark, Finkler, and Brooks if you want the truth!

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