Seeking Asian Female

In the WSJ, Jeff Yang reviews "Seeking Asian Female," Debbie Lum's documentary about white guys romantically fixated on Asian women—specifically, one white guy, and his quest to marry the Asian lady of his dreams. The film debuted this week at the annual SXSW festival in Austin, and follows the story of Steven, "a 60-year-old, twice-divorced white male with an uncanny resemblance to Aussie actor Geoffrey Rush and a case of yellow fever bordering on the terminal."

Steven’s quixotic mission to find and marry a “young Asian bride” had already taken up years of his life and cost him thousands of dollars in memberships to online matchmaking sites like Asian Friend Finder and international “introduction services” that promised to connect him with the “cherry blossom” or “sunshine girl” of his dreams. When Steven is first introduced, Lum says in voiceover that “the first time I visited him in his own home, I had to fight the urge to leave.” We can immediately see why. A giggling Steven, addressing Lum as she ascends the stairs, shouts a hearty hello while waving her in: “Welcome! Welcome! Your hair looks cute! You look very Chinese, with the bangs…and you know I like that!”

Read the rest here. Trailer below.

Boing Boing editor/partner and tech culture journalist Xeni Jardin hosts and produces Boing Boing's in-flight TV channel on Virgin America airlines (#10 on the dial), and writes about living with breast cancer. Diagnosed in 2011. @xeni on Twitter. email: xeni@boingboing.net.

MORE: film • race • Sex

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kcmpls

This pic was taken at a block club party last year. His shirt says, ” I want an Asian Girlfriend to Love.” It was on the front and back. https://twitter.com/#!/kcmpls/media/slideshow?url=http%3A%2F%2Fyfrog.com%2Fgzuw0vczj
- ChicagoD
  
  I bet that didn’t work, did it?
Mister44

Ironically – there is a RussianCupid ad with this article. Hah.

It’s tough when your fetish revolves around people, rather than something simple like feet or leather.
- Charles Richter
  
  The real problem is that the fetish revolves around physical or cultural attributes that become equated with the actual people.
  - blueelm
    
    Or when a relationship with another person is simply a way to make sure you have a consistent means to an end for your sex fetish. But a lot of people honestly don’t know the difference. Sad. I guess so long as the other person is ok with being a prop :/
    - ChicagoD
      
      This is a hard basis to judge this creepy man on. How sex fetishes change and adapt to your time with your partner might very well end up (if you’re lucky) ensuring that you have access to your sex fetish with your partner. Our minds and bodies evolve as we age (together). I think he can be creepy without getting into this. After all, he wants to marry them, not just have sex with them.
      - blueelm
        
        But does he? I mean that’s what makes it creepy seeming. Does he want to marry a person, or does he want to marry a sex fetish?
      - ChicagoD
        
        I think we actually agree. Wanting to marry a fetish object per se, as opposes to having your life partner BE your fetish object (or at least put it on . . . ) is inherently creepy. That being said, I think his relentless objectification is sufficient for creepiness, without getting into his fetishes.
      - bklynchris
        
        He made it quite clear that he “wanted an Asian girlfriend to love”, not “my girlfriend is Asian”. Big surprise, there are Chinese women in LA. Like a lot. Why did he need to find his girlfriend in China?
        
        So now we have an Asian woman who has to be an immigrant, chances are that her English may not be that great (re-the farm girl request). And now we have an Asian immigrant who has no family or friends nearby, and does not speak the language. A woman, the qualities in whom he desired, all had to do with subservience.
        
        Are you beginning to see a pattern of power disparity, that makes a scenario ripe for oppression? Do you know how many Asian mail order brides have been horribly abused and even murdered by their American husbands? Quite a few, I would go pull some stats for you but it would just really depress me more than I already am.
        
        Look, I am not saying this guy is malicious, but I am saying that objectification all too often, is.
    - Guest
      
      @bklynchris It’s not just white people who want Asian mail order brides, it happens quite a bit with ethnic Asians living in the West who would rather not deal with the baggage of a wife who has the sort of expectations associated with living in the West and speaking English. When I was teaching English in England there were a number of Asian women in my class who were attending without their husbands’ knowledge or approval.
- lknope
  
  Um, aren’t feet usually attached to people?
  - http://twitter.com/TheNewsIsBroken Gern Blanston
    
    Not when they wash up on Canadian beaches…
    (past BB meme)
  - Mister44
    
    Yes but everyone has feet – thus you have the potential to be attracted to everyone. Its more a body part – not a person.
    - dioptase
      
      The average American has 1.9986 feet.
      
      I kid you not. This is an actual statistic.
- http://www.nathanhornby.com/ Nathan Hornby
  
  I got an add for dating mature women in the UK – I think that this post has messed up BoingBoing’s ad algorithms :p
  - blueelm
    
    I have one for finding Filipinas.
    - http://www.nathanhornby.com/ Nathan Hornby
      
      Damn, you’re the closest so far, clever internet.
      
      Here’s mine for the lookyloos (mmmm, fences).
    - bcsizemo
      
      I’ve one for Russian LoveMatch….
      
      I think it knows me better than it should.
      - Donald Petersen
        
        Hmph. Mine’s for “Successful Mature Singles – Over 40 Only!”
        
        Phooey.
      - Antinous / Moderator
        
        I turned of AdBlock to check. Mature Singles at the bottom and Time Warner Cable with a picture of a recliner at the top.
      - Jonathan Roberts
        
        I don’t seem to get ads on BB, but on some other sites there are ads from Asian Friend Finder advertising western guys (I’m living in China). Unfortunately I can’t seem to find any right now, but it was quite funny to see the story from the other side!
    - jhoosier
      
      I’ve got the Filipinas ad, too.
http://www.facebook.com/people/Vincent-Maldia/100001023048460 Vincent Maldia

60 is near retirement. The philippine government has programs that encourage retirees to migrate to the philippines. Since the cost of living and labor in the philippines is low, a person can afford to live a decent middle class lifestyle in the philippines just on your average western pension, and this includes servants.

the climate is tropical, english is widely spoken, the people are friendly, and the culture is westernized anyway. There are programs for korean and japanese near the ex US bases of Clark and Subic so a westerner would have no trouble fitting in. THEN he can start looking for a wife
- travtastic
  
  But will the servants form a human bench whenever I glance at them in a certain way? I need to be able to sit anywhere.
RaleighSaintClair

am i the only one that thinks asian women have a thing for white men?
- twianto
  
  Well, some do, some don’t.
  
  Leaving aside relatively poor countries where economic factors are probably predominant: in Japan, a certain group of women tends to go after white males, no other qualifications necessary. Not sure if that is racist on their part though…
  
  NB: Asia or even East Asia is far from culturally homogeneous; not sure if it makes sense to talk about ‘Asians.’
  - jhoosier
    
    Dude, women in Japan get waaay more specific than that. There’s a whole subculture that goes only for African-Americans (which causes the Nigerians to dress in stereotypical hip-hop fashion). I’ve had women tell me they only want to meet guys from Scotland, or England, or California. Being from Indiana, they then leave me. Alone. *sniff*
    
    Somebody could probably do a documentary on that as well.
    - twianto
      
      (Perfectly harmless comment that makes fun of nobody and is entirely unobjectionable.)
      
      PS: sore loser ;-)
- blueelm
  
  No more so than US women have a thing for British guys.
  - http://www.tumbleweed.net/ tyger11
    
    That reminds me of the awesome ending to “Love, Actually.”
    - http://www.nathanhornby.com/ Nathan Hornby
      
      You must be mistaken, nothing awesome happened in that film other than it ending.
      - bklynchris
        
        Man, I couldn’t just like that, had to let you know I AG’d, audibly guffawed.
  - http://www.nathanhornby.com/ Nathan Hornby
    
    One of my school buddies bagged himself a yank – the dirty racist!
  - bcsizemo
    
    I think that would also apply to US guys having a thing for UK women….or maybe I’m just speaking for myself.
    - blueelm
      
      You and me, sir, taking the UK by storm.
  - bklynchris
    
    No, its not the guys, its the accent. I found out the hard way.
  - Jonathan Roberts
    
    Thank goodness for that – although my Irish side probably helped too!
- destroy_all_humans
  
  no one will take you seriously even though you are 100% correct
- Antinous / Moderator
  
  Since I know several hundred asian women who are married to asian men and a couple who are married to white men, yeah, it’s you.
  - http://www.nathanhornby.com/ Nathan Hornby
    
    Show off.
  - Antinous / Moderator
    
    San Francisco is a good place for getting to know people who aren’t like anyone you ever met before.
  - twianto
    
    He probably meant Asians in, y’know, East Asia. Now it’s probably perception bias (since those women represent a small minority) but a white guy can certainly get that impression when he gets much more unsolicited attention from the ladies than back home. So it’s not just him.
    - Antinous / Moderator
      
      Yes, so did I. I lived in San Francisco and had hundreds of Chinese and Filipino co-workers and friends. You’d be surprised what a different impression you get from any given nationality when you encounter them in the workplace or as your next door neighbors rather than at strip clubs or other venues aimed at lonely foreign men.
      - twianto
        
        Please read my comment below, thank you. As cosmopolitan as San Francisco may be, it is decidedly not Asia. I am talking about _living_ in East Asia pretty much like a local with local coworkers, friends and communication in the local language; minus the ‘hostess bars’ that Japanese businessmen frequent after work, I hate them, don’t really see the point. And yet, as a white guy, you are treated differently, not least by _some_ women (which can be annoying). Innocent observation, not judging, that would be my entire point. Your accusations and assumptions are entirely unfounded.
        
        I have never set foot in a typical ‘foreigner’ place in Japan and am definitely not lonely but rather what you’d call “integrated.”
        
        That is all.
        
        Edit: now in hindsight, why the heck am I defending myself? It’s _you_ who’s throwing baseless insults at me. Have a nice day, will you ;-)
        
        (Also, I’ve spent time — not as a tourist — in about 40 countries. You’d be surprised what a different impression you get from that — and by speaking multiple languages — as opposed to living as a monolingual in San Francisco; where, incidentally, I’ve also stayed for an extended time period. I’m not into pissing matches, but hey, some things have to be said…)
        
        ;-)
      - Pablito
        
        Antinous, that’s a pretty harsh and unfair assumption.
        
        When I left school and travelled to Asia by myself as a fresh faced 17yo, my blond hair and blue eyes made me stand out, and in the Philippines especially the attention I got was bordering on insane.
        
        No, despite what people assume about the Phils, I did not go to strip clubs or frequent bars populated by lonely foreigners. I lived with locals, rich and poor, in both urban and rural areas.
        
        Back In Australia, young Australianised Filipinas didn’t find me especially interesting, but their mothers sure did. As did recent arrivals.
        
        Surely the obvious answer is that an exotic looking person that one usually only sees in glamourised US media is going to get attention and seen as some sort of ideal.
        
        It certainly explains the attention my African-American mate gets when we go out in Sydney. Certainly there are some women who have fetishes (my bigoted aunty is one of them), but I can’t imagine that they all do.
        
        Funnily enough, when I relate my experiences about the Philippines, alleged left-wing tolerant people make all sorts of nasty assumptions about myself and the girls who showed interest. Kind of like you did.
      - Antinous / Moderator
        
        The fact that an obvious foreigner is a tourist attraction in some monocultures is not at all the same as saying that Asian women are really interested in white men. It’s about the situation, not some putative obsession on the part of Asian women.
      - Pablito
        
        I wasn’t just an obvious tourist attraction, women’s mouths would drop and they would whisper ‘guapo’, or preen themselves and posture so as to get my attention. Nearly every single one of them. I would get catcalls from the male hairdressers as well.
        
        These women were not prostitutes, and any amount of backtracking cannot hide your implication that women who seem attracted to white men in Asia are.
        
        There is absolutely no doubt that at that time in the Philippines whiteness was seen as an exotic and attractive ideal. That was the reason for the heightened amount of sexual attention I received. Just as my African-American mate gets heaps of sexualised attention in Sydney, which is pretty far from being monocultural.
        
        The original comment by twianto was that when living in Asia it can seem as if the women are particularly interested in white men.
        
        Your response was that it only seems so because he was a sex tourist frequenting spots where it was a woman’s job to feign interest, and that your interaction was far more authentic because it was with neigbours and co-workers.
        
        We were both arguing that it was about context and cultural norms of beauty. You’re trying to re-frame it as some sort of comment about a biological/racially determined prurient view of white men held by Asian women.
        
        It was you who was ignoring cultural context (or situation as you call it) by claiming that the actions of Asian people in the US should be proof enough of the motives of Asian people in Asia.
      - twianto
        
        Antinous: the relatively large number of Japanese women married to white men both in and outside Japan and the low number of Japanese men married to foreigners is a strong indication that you may be wrong. Again, no economic reasons at play in Japan/no mail-order brides. On top of that, Japanese (including, yes, women) are highly educated and quite capable of making their own rational decisions.
        
        Edit: everyone except you was very careful to state that 1, this is a very real (and testable, should you be so inclined) phenomenon and 2, this probably applies to few ‘Asian’ (too general for me) women *in Asia*, not SF or elsewhere and shouldn’t be used to judge an entire nation. IOW, everyone here included context and situation. Denying it exists doesn’t get you anywhere though.
        
        Over and out.
  - DeargDoom
    
    I have no idea on whether the phenomenon is real or not but if a minority of Japanese women, say 10%, had a thing for white men who were an even smaller minority, say 5% of the male population, then I could easily understand how the white men living in Japan would feel pretty special even though the overwhelming majority of women in Japan had no interest in them.
    - twianto
      
      My point exactly, except I’m not sure if that percentage is even that high. In fact, white men are almost certainly at most 0.5% of the general population in Japan (2-3% foreigners, most of them Chinese and Korean). It’s a numbers thing; you just experience it differently if you’re a tiny minority. No judging, just an innocent observation.
    - dioptase
      
      There’s sometimes another reason Japanese women seek out white men: freedom from cultural norms. If you don’t like the attitude of Japanese men towards women, it makes sense to look elsewhere.
      
      In other words, it’s not always “He’s exotic looking.” It can also be “He probably acts differently than most guys.”
      - twianto
        
        I’d say that’s the main reason. Same with the guy in this story; he fantasizes about how the Asian woman of his dreams will behave and treat him, i.e. her cultural background. Except this guy is an idiot and most people are not. Two very different things.
Mark Pitcavage

uncanny resemblance to Geoffrey Rush or Greg Proops?
seattlejenny

I wonder why this sort of racism is socially acceptable.
- jandrese
  
  Because he likes Asian women he is a racist? This seems like quite a stretch to me. If he wants to marry the woman of his dreams, why should I stand in the way (unless the woman of his dreams is 12 years old)?
  - lknope
    
    Because he fetishizes race at the expense of a human being, he is a racist. I wouldn’t want to stand in his way (or hers). They are both consenting adults so they can choose to marry if they like. However, I would most definitely call him a racist for choosing a woman solely based on what race she is.
    
    The only thing that makes her a “woman of his dreams” is that she is Asian. It’s clear from the trailer that he does not know the first thing about her. Just because you know what someone’s race is doesn’t mean you know anything else about them. And that’s what the problem here is, he thinks he does know something about her based on stereotypes about Asian women and not actually getting to know a specific Asian woman before deciding to date or marry her.
    - http://www.nathanhornby.com/ Nathan Hornby
      
      Well technically speaking racism is a discrimination based on race, a discrimination is a prejudice, not a bias.
      
      This isn’t racism.
      
      I would argue in the whole (on the individual level it will vary – I can’t speak for this guy) it’s an attraction to a certain aesthetic and culture.
      
      If I were into blonde American chicks would that be any more wrong? If so I don’t see why; and I’d be flabbergasted if someone called me a racist for it (I might expect a comment about using the word ‘chicks’ though).
      
      I agree with the sentiment, that ultimately it’s about the individual, not the stereotype – but this isn’t about assuming all people that look Asian are the same; but that doesn’t mean that, say, Japanese people (in Japan) don’t generally share certain values and cultural qualities, at least enough to help narrow the search if they’re the qualities you’re looking for. Put another way, if you were looking for someone that likes tennis, you probably wouldn’t be looking for them at the running track.
      - Navin_Johnson
        
        Well technically speaking racism is a discrimination based on race, a discrimination is a prejudice, not a bias.
        
        Racism = prejudice + the power and privilege to force it on others. This is why arguments about preferring blondes, or “bagging yanks” and such are kinda irrelevant. It should be obvious why older white western men seemingly shopping for women from poorer Eastern countries may at the very least conjure up some thoughts of exploitation. I say this because it appears as though he couldn’t find an “Asian-American” woman and literally talks about Asian women in poor countries as fetish fantasy items (right out of porn cliches: sexy boss/maid) to be shopped for, like market commodities. He sounds like he’s describing a dessert buffet ffs…
        
        Do I want the farm girl to take care of me? Do I want an intelligent business woman to help me grow? What do I want? There’s this Vietnamese movie called ‘Scent of the Green Papaya,’ with a beautiful servant girl who cooks these idyllic meals. Gee, would it be like that?”
        
        “China is just amazing right now, the vitality, the growth, and there’s an endless supply of women over there!
      - http://www.nathanhornby.com/ Nathan Hornby
        
        @Navin_Johnson:disqus
        
        Looking at it from that perspective I agree; I suppose I’m probably just putting more faith in humanity than is deserved.
      - Navin_Johnson
        
        Only he knows his true feelings I guess, but he sure doesn’t come off looking good in that article at least. Maybe despite all that he’ll end up making a meaningful connection. The hints in the article make it sound like it ended in tears though.
    - Mantissa128
      
      When a man concerns himself with the physical attributes of a woman, he is fetishizing her? Practically every heterosexual man is a fetishist, then.
      - lknope
        
        When a man concerns himself with ONLY certain physical attributes and is completely unconcerned about the human being he is engaging with, he is fetishizing. I’m not sure why you mention heterosexual men specifically, unless you are just speaking for yourself, in which case you should just speak for yourself rather than “practically every heterosexual man”. I think most people, women, men, straight, gay are sexually attracted to certain physical traits.
        
        I’m not especially bothered if someone is attracted to a certain race. When I think it crosses the line is when that is your SOLE criteria for a relationship. I also think that in this particular instance, it is about more than her physical attributes. He clearly has certain stereotypes in his mind about what Asian women are like and so he just looks for any Asian woman to fufill that fantasy rather than looking for a woman that he could have a mutually fufilling relationship with. That woman could be Asian if he prefers but he should treat her as a human being first rather than a stereotype.
        
        Also, @twianto:disqus below me, if you were replying specifically to me, no worries. I was not personally offended by your comment.
    - twianto
      
      Sorry, didn’t mean to offend but merely describe a very similar phenomenon to the one described in this post, based on my experiences living a very ordinary (some might say average) life in Japan, with ordinary Japanese friends working a professional tech job with Japanese colleagues in a Japanese-language environment at an ordinary company for quite a while. I’m about as unassuming and ‘techy’ as can be and yet this happens to me repeatedly in perfectly normal situations (with very explicit ‘marriage’ talk). This is something that is very real and that few people who have spent a lot of time there will deny. Nothing seedy, just a widespread and everyday phenomenon.
      
      Scratching my head why mentioning that would be inappropriate :-/ This guy is just sleazy.
      
      We now return to our regularly scheduled programming…
      
      (To reinstate my deleted reply to Navin_Johnson: yes, easy to test by living a normal life as a white guy in urban Japan.)
      
      Edit: lknope: no, somebody (probably Antinous) deemed my fully factual comments offensive enough to delete. Not directed at you, there’s just no other place to post this right now.
  - Sparg
    
    I guess I’m old enough now to see how the definition for racism keeps changing. Used to mean a racist was one who believed their own race was better than any other. Now it looks as if one can be called a racist if one has racial preferences. Too bad there isn’t a reference service that would alert us when definitions change. But, me being a linguist, I should know better than that.
    - Tynam
      
      The problem is that the first step to “my own race is better” is “there is such a thing as race”, and the second step is having a preference. These two behaviours are, unfortunately, ubiquitous, and terribly easy to miss when you’re doing it. This is also, however, the stage at which the problem can meaningfully be fought.
      
      So yes, this behaviour *is* racist. He’s treating women-more-similar -to-himself as people, but in whom he would automatically have no interest, while treating women-of-other-cultural/genetic-group as fantasy objects who he automatically comes on to. (Frankly, the misogyny is worse than the racism, here, but that doesn’t make it not racist.)
      
      A lot of the real damage of racism is the stuff you don’t notice yourself doing. So it pays to tag-and-alert it when we do it.
      - http://www.nathanhornby.com/ Nathan Hornby
        
        I agree that ultimately ‘race’ is irrelevant in characterising anyone; but in this case we’re combining a race with a culture, and cultures aren’t blank canvases like races are. There are cultures I favour over my own, but ultimately I love cultural diversity,different cultures are fascinating and varied, almost alien in some cases and I relate to some aspects and not to others. There are cultures I don’t like and cultures I love – are you suggesting that it’s wrong to like one culture more than another? And even worse it makes someone a racist?
        
        You’re spot on with the misogyny though, I don’t think anyone is likely to argue with that.
    - Antinous / Moderator
      
      Now it looks as if one can be called a racist if one has racial preferences.
      
      That wording certainly sells your argument.
    - http://repeaterband.com skeletoncityrepeater
      
      Racism means judging individuals by their race and appearance instead of by their individual attributes. It is called prejudice. It’s not always in a negative way, but it’s always wrong.
      - http://lectiblog.blogspot.com/ lecti
        
        This.
- joeposts
  
  There are plenty of white guys who have only dated white girls. Myself included. Wouldn’t that make me the racist? ;-)
  - Jerril
    
    “have only dated white girls” or “would never date a non white girl”? If the second, that’s a teeeeeeeny tiny little bit racist. If the former, you just strike out regularly, good luck in the future.
    
    The guy above is the second type, but worse.
    - Wreckrob8
      
      I think everyone has preferences but these only become problematic if you become dogmatically blind to other possibilities – likewise if you cannot get past your individual preferences to see the individual. Most people’s preferences are a good deal fuzzier I would think than our ‘Asian female seeker’ but still not a blank slate. Age and individual gender restrictions seem more natural discriminations. Culture can be applied more widely than you seem to be implying in your last comment.
- blueelm
  
  I’m not sure it falls so much under racism as it does under creepy. I don’t know though. Any time you get the impression that *you* are not the most important part of what the person who wants to marry you is into… it’s kind of sad. But that’s not atypical for white women either. Or gay men for that matter. So I guess this would be a universal relationship issue… hence I kind of don’t know about racist. Maybe because the specific things associated with “Asian” are also associated with racism? But more, to me, this just falls under people and their weird people stuff. Who knows though… it’s a risk for a person moving to another country any time they are dependent on some one on any level.
- http://goodsharer.com/ Aloisius
  
  I refuse to accept that one is racist for not finding certain phenotypes physically attractive.
tylerkaraszewski

This looks great. Why isn’t it on iTunes?
http://www.doggo.org doggo

That’s ridiculous. I look nothing like Geoffrey Rush.
http://twitter.com/fossilfuels Funk Daddy

LOL, forget racism, that’s okay in terms of sexual attraction, but just wait until he learns she has a mind of her own and ambitions with dreams to boot, just like any other woman.

Divorce #3 in 3, 2, 1
- blueelm
  
  No. That would only mean she was corrupted by feminazis and their western brainwashing. Everyone knows naturally women are unthinking sex toys who only want to please men. Everyone!
  - ChicagoD
    
    “Eddie, I want half.”
    
    I was going to link to it, but it turns out Eddie Murphy Raw was . . . pretty raw.
RHK

In reply to RaleighSaintClair:
“am i the only one that thinks asian women have a thing for white men? ”

Some do. Asians have a term for that condition, too.
- http://www.nathanhornby.com/ Nathan Hornby
  
  Would that term be spoken using their shared Asian language?
  - ChicagoD
    
    Yes. English.
    
    DOH!
oasisob1

Is it really okay to call it ‘yellow fever’? Really?
- http://www.nathanhornby.com/ Nathan Hornby
  
  Yea, I think the racism card is being played in all the wrong places.
  
  That’s what got me; if folks are looking for something to offend them they shouldn’t have to look any further than that.
  
  Unless of course we’ve both fallen into the same trap and he actually has yellow fever. In which case we’re the bad guys.
  - Navin_Johnson
    
    “race card”
    
    “looking for something to offend them”
    
    lol. Yeah, the author (who appears to be Asian) using “yellow fever” is the most problematic thing on display here…
    - http://www.nathanhornby.com/ Nathan Hornby
      
      ‘Race card’ was an embarrassing choice of phrase – but I certainly didn’t intend what it might imply (and I’m sure you understand what I meant as technically it doesn’t make sense as it stands) – it was a far more innocent sentence in my head.
      
      The second sentence is missing the important ‘folks’, it wasn’t some kind of victim blaming, but a more general assertion that some people seek injustice where there is none (or in this case miss the more obvious misogyny and focus on a tenuous race issue).
      
      Also I read the extract and was struck by that phrase, I found it offensive (I didn’t slam my fists on my desk, but it made me feel a little uncomfortable). It was out of context though and I didn’t get the irony that I’m assuming was intended. Still pretty offensive though and not a phrase I’d perpetuate if I were Asian.
      - Navin_Johnson
        
        It just strikes me as a different version of “jungle fever”. I would guess the author was using it in a somewhat sarcastic manner.
signsofrain

Here’s another somewhat disturbing example. This guy’s YouTube channel is full of videos documenting his love of asian ladies and his opinions on how to woo them. I forward this link to people when I want to get a “wtf” reaction.

http://www.youtube.com/user/CHANNAKAJIMA
blueelm

Lady, if the first thing you EVER think in a guys house is that you should run… then you should run.
http://twitter.com/MrAaronSwainEsq Aaron Swain

Anybody else seeing a fatally ironic FilipinoCupid.com ad at the bottom of this discussion thread?
- http://www.nathanhornby.com/ Nathan Hornby
  
  Not quite, but close:
ChicagoD

I can’t help but think that part of the issue is the idea that he wants to find an Asian woman to marry. Marriage is like a whole thing, with another person who is an actual person and stuff. If he just wanted to have sex with them I would say, sure, hey, we all have preferences. We are attracted to what we are attracted to. It’s that next step of assuming a very deep relationship is possible based on her heritage that creeps me out.

I wonder if he has a sense of “good Asians” and “bad Asians.” I know some American born Chinese (ABCs) who are utterly American in every respect and are 100% Chinese. Would he be nuts for them?
- bcsizemo
  
  I have a decent amount of American born Asian friends and I see everyone of them as “American”. Yeah they have some little things that make them seem a little different from my white friends, but the way they act, talk, think is about 99.9% American.
  
  I really think he is looking for that Asian stereotype. But I think the movie would be interesting to watch as it seems that there is a lot more exploration of their relationship and Mrs. Lum’s history than just focusing on his weird fetish stereotyping.
  
  I kind of want to know if his first two wives divorced him, or did he divorce them…
- chgoliz
  
  I will tell you what happens, all too often: a white man thinks he’s getting an “Asian” woman (meaning, subservient….which is idiotic if you know even a half dozen different Asian cultures) and then when she acts like the American woman she is, he gets mean. Extra dominant, even abusive.
  
  It’s happened to too many of my friends. Even worse, I’ve noticed which boyfriends of my daughters seem to go for this type (based on knowing previous girlfriends). Does that guy really care for her, or does she just fit the type to him?
  
  Anyone who thinks this isn’t about sexism and racism, think about how many Asian men you know with white women. Shouldn’t the numbers of mixed-race couples be approximately the same? But they aren’t, not by a long shot. In my own experience, I’d say the ratio is at least 100:1.
novium

There’s a long history of western men reducing Asian ladies into nothing more than exotic fetish objects. It’s the usual misogyny and ‘other’ism directed towards women as a whole on steroids. It’s in the intersection of racist ideas about Asian cultures with sexist male fantasies. And it’s not really just limited to dudes like the one here- though granted, he’s an extreme case- but it still pretty common in Hollywood, for example, in how Asian actresses are cast and the roles written for them.
- therealmusashi
  
  You left out the long history of Asian men treating Asian women like slaves/property/second-class citizens.
  
  Why don’t you watch the film – surely it will reveal why this woman was interested in this man, despite the filmmaker’s admitted bias.
nealpolitan

There are guys who marry asians (I did – well sorta, she’s half Filipina) and then there are creepy dirty old men. I think we can safely say the subject of this documentary is firmly in the latter camp.
- ChicagoD
  
  I don’t know, Neal. Tell us about yourself.
  - penguinchris
    
    No, he’s right. I know first-hand the difference. You see the dirty old man type all over the place in Thailand with young Thai girls in tow, and it’s disgusting.
    
    However, I’m a young white guy, and I really only find Asian women attractive (with the occasional exception, most of them British).
    
    Does this make me creepy or racist? I don’t think the commenters up-thread have it right at all. It’s an aesthetic preference and there’s nothing inherently racist about it. Ask any white guy off the street pointed questions about what kind of women they like, and you’ll discover that most white guys would only ever go out with white women, and it’s for the same reason (usually) – they don’t find women of other races attractive.
    
    So who is my ideal mate? Someone I find attractive, who I get along with well, and who is interesting to me in other ways (culture, tastes, etc.) – does this sound different than anyone else?
    
    It isn’t, I just have different or more specific aesthetic tastes.
    
    I’m also interested in Asian cultures, which creepy dudes who are into Asians as a fetish aren’t. And I know that I would likely never get along with any random Asian woman that I could order over the internet – but then it’s the same way for me with women of all races here in the US.
    
    I did have a year-long or so relationship with a culturally completely opposite Thai girl originally from a hill tribe who is into white guys when I was living in Thailand on and off. It was an amazing relationship – for both of us – and I think it changed us both deeply.
    
    There are a lot of possibilities for this type of relationship, though I freely admit mine was an exception to the rule (and anyway it didn’t end up working out). This guy is kind of on the borderline – he seems a bit creepy about it because he’s old and desperate. I bet if he had met a suitable Asian woman when he was much younger, we wouldn’t think anything of it.
    
    If I don’t end up with an Asian woman as a wife (assuming I get married), probably Asian American (or Canadian), I’ll be very surprised. Of course I really don’t discount the possibility of meeting someone amazing who isn’t Asian (like a cute British girl); perhaps that’s a key difference.
    - ChicagoD
      
      Right. But your last paragraph is the crux of the issue. You are intellectually open to the possibility that you could fall in love with someone who is not Asian. You can also imagine Asian women you would not be attracted to. That makes you not this guy.
      
      Think of it this way: if you’ve ever said that a woman didn’t seem that hot until you got to know her, you’re probably OK.
    - mypalmike
      
      In summary, the difference between you and creep is simply age. Some day you might find you’re 60 and divorced or widowed. ;-)
      - Donald Petersen
        
        It’s been my experience that age has widened my tastes considerably rather than ossified them, at least when it comes to romance. When I was very young, I was attracted to white or Latina brunettes almost exclusively, at least on a first-glance physical basis. Blondes and redheads didn’t do it for me, nor did the Asians, blacks, Semites, and Native Americans I met. There were a couple of Pacific Islander girls I found quite irresistible…
        
        Anyway, by the time I got to college these preferences began eroding rapidly. It became apparent to me, once I’d actually had a real relationship or two, that I experienced the most powerful romantic and sexual attractions based entirely upon intellectual and emotional connections. Since the mid-90s, I no longer have a “type” that can be expressed in racial or phenotypical terms. My first wife was half-Mexican, my current wife is a freckled redhead. And I’ve had rich and rewarding and passionate relationships with women ten years younger than me all the way up to twelve years older than me. From 5’0″ up to 6’1″. From 95 lbs to 185 lbs.
        
        Never mind her looks, nothing turns me on faster and more thoroughly than a woman who’s smarter than I am, who somehow finds me pretty hot too.
destroy_all_humans

OLD BALLS
- Mantissa128
  
  …and old money. A dangerous combo.
TooGoodToCheck

If nothing else, this guy could stand to learn something about being subtle.
http://profiles.google.com/marc.k.mielke Marc Mielke

The immigrant girl in the clip is kind of awesome, actually.
- ChicagoD
  
  Deceive me once, lose a finger. Twice lose a toe . . .
  
  Oh my. Wrong stereotype, dude!
http://www.facebook.com/joshua.frazer1 Joshua Frazer

Is there anyone that doesn’t have a particular set of features they find more attractive, and does not pursue the more attractive people for relationships if they can?

Some people like the way one accent sounds, or one ethnicity appears, or one culture tends to behave.

However, some people seem to take it to the extreme, removing the humanity and personality from the equation in pursuit of a hollow archetype. Moderation is key.
- http://twitter.com/fossilfuels Funk Daddy
  
  ‘ey ‘andsome, why daan’t ya sashay wite over ‘ere and let me sit on your Chevy Chase for the bloomin’ George Best of me Porridge Knife? i’ll give ya just wot ya need and bacon too! win’ win’, smooches
mypalmike

Two desperate people. Very different reasons.
http://orbitnet.com JIMWICh

I’ll just leave this here…

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/mia/10dollar.html
Daemonworks

No different than fetishizing wealth/power/fame, though for some reason we treat that as if it was less creepy.
- blueelm
  
  Wealth/power/fame aren’t people. You can *be* them yourself. HTH!
Ashley Yakeley

OkCupid Blog had an interesting post on racial preferences from data from their site.

http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/
Jonathan Roberts

I’m not sure if the women who respond to those ads are the sort of people who the white men are looking for (passive, unambitious etc.), any more than the men are the sort that the women are looking for (rich, well connected etc.). If you answer an ad offering the chance of a better life if you agree to leave your family, culture and language, move country and marry someone, I’m guessing that quite a few of the women aren’t signing up because they think foreigners are cute.
Lolotehe

Aw, and no one mentioned Mark Malensniko’s book “Mail Order Bride”.

Sad spider. ::::-(
GrrrlRomeo

I don’t know why some folks have such a hard time taking another’s word for it. I’ve heard enough Asian women complain of men with creepy Asian fetishes. I see no reason for them to make it up. I have no reason to doubt them.

It doesn’t take a majority to marginalize, objectify or otherwise oppress a group of people…it just takes a majority to be apathetic, make excuses or actively deny that it’s even happening.
therealmusashi

How dare this guy like Asian girls! The nerve!
Navin_Johnson

What about Japanese ladies that devote their entire energy to jumping on white guys’ laps at parties?

Is that a thing? I’ve never been to Japan…
Tynam

Yep, that’s racist too. The word is most applied to old white males because they tend to do more damage, and to have their biases confirmed by their other privileges. Not because they’re the only ones who do it.

(The first step in doing something about racism is admitting that most of us do it all the time, and never notice.)