By Rob Beschizza at 6:56 pm Wed, Jul 11, 2012
As requested in the thread concerning Michael Bay's Ninja Turtles. You're welcome.
The Lion is ferocious (montage of claws, roars, leaping lions)
The Tin Man is metal (montage of ironworks building him with Black Sabbath)
The Scarecrow is scary (montage of Freddy-like claws, Scarecrow turning to face us)
Led by Dorothy Gale who moves… like a storm
(cut to remainder of trailer with Dorothy doing kung-fu against evil trees, flying monkeys, etc)
I totally want to see this. Megan Fox is Dorothy Gale! Toto is a pit bull! Meryl Streep is Elphaba! Malcolm McDowell is the Wizard! There’s no place like home… unless you blow it the fuck up! Kansas will never be the same.
“This isn’t your Auntie’s Kansas anymore!”
Michael Bay’s Wizard of Oz:
No Heart. No Brain. No Courage; But did we mention the naive midwestern brunette?
*Content enjoyed more if you lack half a brain.
Shit just got real, Toto.
Wicked Witch: [cocks shotgun] How about a little fire, scarecrow?
Her broom turns into a flamethrower.
When I originally mentioned this idea, I was imagining the Scarecrow, the Tin Man and the Lion strapping on their SWAT gear before they stormed the witch’s castle.
Damn! You just scared the holy crap out of me! Thank God, it was only a dream….
But I was there….
BBC film critic Mark Kermode is famous in the UK for despising Michael Bay movies and 3D cinema in general. His rants are nationally celebrated and no-one makes him rant more than Michael Bay. Review of Transformers: Dark of the Moon below; longish but funny and well worth a listen as you can actually see him getting more and more outraged as he warms to his task.
“…But what I do have are a very particular pair of slippers; slippers I have acquired on a very yellow brick road. Slippers that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let me go to the wizard now, that’ll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will melt you.”
Micheal Bay should do a Zardoz reboot
Don’t forget scenes from Transformers, Pearl Harbor and The Island. Bay loves to recycle.
Whoever shooped the title graphic: learn to use [refine edge]!
I prefer the remake by Stanley Kubrick.
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