“What would a nature documentary be like if the animals were armed with our favorite weapons?” Read the rest

"Michael Bay just walked on stage, flubbed his lines, and walked off at a Samsung CES press conference," reports Gizmodo's Leslie Horn. "It was weird."

MICHAEL: How is everyone today? My job as a director is I get to dream for a living.

HOST: Michael, you're known for such unbelievable action. What inspires you? How do you come up with these unbelievable ideas?

MICHAEL: I create visual worlds that are so beyond everyone's normal life experiences, and Hollywood is a place that creates a pure escape. And what I try to do, as a director... uhhhh ... argh! The type is all off. Sorry, but I'll just wing this.

HOST: Tell us what you think.

MICHAEL: Yeah. We'll wing it right now. I try to take people on an emotional ride and, um.

HOST: The Curve [TV]. How do you think it's going to impact how viewers experience your movies?

MICHAEL: Excuse me, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. *flees*

HOST: Ladies and gentlemen, let's thank Michael Bay for joining us!

AUDIENCE: *applauds*

If you listen hard enough, you can hear the Adobe DRM server creaking under the weight of everyone firing up After Effects to add massive explosions into the above video.

UPDATE: Aaaand done. By John Herrman. Read the rest

Apparently, it was just as bad as we feared. Not long ago, it was reported that production on the Michael Bay-produced "Ninja Turtles" movie was pushed to 2014. Because 2014 is the 30th anniversary of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? No! That was a convenient excuse. Besides, "Ninja Turtles" is basically a cheap imitator of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles since half of their character description -- along with the central freaking premise -- were done away with. No, it was because the script was said to have "issues." Meaning: the script was terrible. Several people claim to have gotten their hands on this script, and there are terrible, awful, no good, very bad things in it. Starting with 18-year-old high school lovebirds Casey Jones and April O'Neil. Seriously. That almost happened. Read the rest

Hmmm, maybe it is time for us Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fans to chill out? Kevin Eastman, who co-created the TMNT comic with Peter Laird, seems to be very involved in the movie Michael Bay is producing (and apparently co-writing) that has devotees riled because of the altered origin story. And now he's saying that this movie, to be directed by Jonathan Liebesman, is "easily the best 'Turtles' movie yet." My soul feels torn in half, pulled in one direction by Eastman and another by Michael freaking Bay. Read the rest

As requested in the thread concerning Michael Bay's Ninja Turtles. You're welcome. Read the rest

Good news coming from the "Ninja Turtles" front! A leaked script found by Latino Review's El Mayimbe contains references to the classic Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles villains Bebop, Rocksteady, and Krang.

But this also comes with bad news, because there is apparently a synopsis floating around as well. It mentions the turtles "[coming] to Earth" with Splinter from their "recently destroyed planet." No. The only thing that should be coming from a destroyed planet to Earth is the ooze that turns the Earth turtles into the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Because those guys are from New York, thank you. The fact that TMNT co-creator Kevin Eastman is allegedly responsible for some of this script does not make me feel better. This reboot is definitely going to lead me into a What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? moment, I can just feel it. Read the rest