What is climate change ruining today?

Chocolate and high school football are being affected by climate change, according to two stories published on the Scientific American website yesterday. In the case of chocolate, the cocoa its made from is grown in several countries in West Africa, a region heavily affected by higher temperatures and extreme weather patterns. By 2020, there will likely be a 1.5 million ton shortage in cocoa production. As for football, the problem is the fact that, across the United States, cool weather season is kicking in later in the year than it used to. That affects football practice. Specifically, schools are increasingly concerned about the health risks of forcing high school students to get really physical, while fully suited and padded, in today's warmer Augusts and Septembers. So I think it's safe to say that climate change hates fun. It's a fun-hater.


    1. In 1989, cross country practice began in early August.  However, it was Minnesota, so if we waited until September, we would’ve run a lot more races in the snow than we already did. 

  1. “So I think it’s safe to say that climate change hates fun.”  – Best commentary I’ve ever read on climate change.

  2. Let’s not forget the northward spread of diseases like malaria. It might be possible to live without chocolate, and a lot of us manage to get along fine without football (at least without what we Americans typically call “football”, a game which consists mostly of carrying the ball with our hands–but that’s another story), but every time I bring malaria to a party suddenly everybody has to get up early the next morning.

  3. I don’t see the need for alarm. There are cycles. The earth was once a molten mass of rock, and yet it now supports a thriving and diverse ecosystem. Perhaps we should stop pointing fingers and insisting people take responsibility and look at the good sides of this, such as people having a healthier diet due to a rise in the cost of chocolate, and a stimulating effect on local economies as schools enclose their football fields in giant air-conditioned domes. New industries can be created meeting a need for Americans to wear still suits to collect perspiration in parts of the country turned into parched deserts by this totally natural, cyclical phenomena. Still others can be employed occupying the United States new possessions in the severely underpopulated region north of the 49th Parallel.

    (I’d write more, but I might feel like punching myself out.)

    1. Don’t forget the new beachfront properties that’ll be created further inland.  That’ll be wonderful.

    2. Yeah, that’s fine until the Morlocks take over, as they always do.  Should I even bother mentioning the red-giant phase of the sun and the awakening of Cthulhu?

      1. As a Morlock-American and I am offended at your insinuation that we Morlocks are somehow “taking over”. 

        You also probably perpetuate the stereotype that we Morlosks kidnap and sometimes EAT, the helpless, soft, and tender; Eloi.

        1.  Damn auto-correct! The quote was intended to say, “that’s fine until the Warlocks take over”.

          Gah, who programmed this piezo carp?

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