Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you The Sun newspaper

Does tomorrow's cover of UK tabloid The Sun not possess a certain je ne sais quoi? The subtle alliteration, dancing down the page in distinctive formal juxtaposition against the stark prosody of the headline itself. The exquisitely photoshopped composition, its 1990s GIF-style cutouts echoing memories of better days. The framing of murdered South African model Reeva Steenkamp with a lavender-blue backdrop, also photoshopped—and so richly symbolic of the deadly tension between the self-referential and the stochastic. The tragic allure in Steenkamp's eyes. The mechanical inevitability of stock-art digital clocks. This is surely one of the artist's greatest canvasses: while the 1989 classic Victims of the Hillsborough Disaster will forever remain Rupert Murdoch's most fitting birthday tribute to Hitler, this new masterpiece surely heralds a renaissance in his critical fortunes.



    1. Speaking of guns. No one is holding guns to the collective temples of the tens of thousands of British readers who buy The Sun every day.

      Of course, Steenkamp’s bold photo is a self-parody of the PAGE 3 GIRL kind of which the SUN is known.Rob, your text is on the satirical and/or sarcastic side – which is all fine and good, BUT the stinging bite of sarcasm has never stalled the the almghty dollar (or in this case, the almighty few pence)

      1.  I assumed that when Murdoch said they were going to tone down page three, that in fact they were just going to move the boobs to the front cover, Sunday Sport style.
        (For non UK readers, yes, there are shitty tabloids over here that have worse covers than the above, every bloody day)

  1. Masterpiece? Pfff. My suspension of disbelief was of course complete until I noticed that there should be more padding around the 1 in the 3:10. It’s like they never looked at a digital clock before.

    1. The ‘shooped in clock looks like a timer from a running event, not your standard LCD alarm clock.  I call that rather startling attention to detail for a tabloid cover.

  2. Remind me why we’re still fighting to defend our freedom of speech and the continued right to independent journalism again?

    1. Because Rupert’s horrid little rags would, realistically, be last against the wall when the crackdown comes?

  3. Britain’s Most Popular Paper.  It says so right there at the top. Sometimes it is nice to be reminded that the US isn’t the ONLY fucked up country in the world. Thank you, drive through.

    1. Most of the newspaper business (in London at least) is driven by commuters (pun intended) – people just gots to have something to read on those bus and Underground commutes. The entire city teems with literature and publishing enterprises of all sorts, not simply the salacious kind.

    2. Even if it’s the most popular paper (which I’d question), it’s not the most popular news source.

      Unlike Fox most people that read the Sun know that it’s all tits and drivel, that’s just what they like.

      The Daily Mail is far more dangerous, because the people that read it think that it’s actual news.

  4. This picture said: “Boo-OHHHH I’M CAPITAL! WORSHIP ME! I commanded Rupert Murdoch to print this front page, and that’s exactly what he did. Had he failed to print it, he’d have been committing the Sin of Not Max Profiting.”

    Then it turned to you and said: “What’ll I be commanding you to do tomorrow?

  5. I love how, rather than saying he murdered his lover, they seem to be quoting someone else saying it.  Either that, or they’re using the phrase as a euphemism…

    1. That’s so they can’t get sued for libel before he is found guilty (or if he is found innocent) at the trail. It’s standard practise in UK press.  

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