Funny book of Disneyland "facts" that aren't

396 pure, unadulterated, dyed-in-the-wool, 100% made-up, completely fake disneyland "facts" is funny book of plausible-sounding Disneyland lies, penned by Horatio Liar (AKA Dominick Cancilla). As John Frost notes, Cancilla has a flair for making up stories that sound weird-but-true, but are, in fact, weird-but-false, and nevertheless make you want to repeat them.

For example: "The Disneyland Hotel was originally independently owned and operated. Eventually, Disney decided that they would rather own the hotel outright, but the owners weren’t interested in selling. To help the owners change their mind, Michael Eisner proposed that the company build an enormous impenetrable wall between the hotel and Disneyland if they didn’t sell. The deal was signed just weeks later."

Crafting these rumors is an art form. One of the real Picasso’s of the genre has put out a book with a collection of “396 pure, unadulterated, dyed-in-the-wool, 100% made-up, completely fake Disneyland ‘facts’.” It’s full of Steve Martin-esque humor (which is appropriate since Martin himself worked at Disneyland and adapted much of his performance style of humor from Disneyland’s own Wally Boag and Fulton Burley at the Golden Horseshoe Revue). The truly funny stuff that builds up into a giant ball of laughter that erupts from your gut.

If you’re at all a ‘Disney’ person, then you’ll enjoy reading ‘Facts’ like this:

According to a survey on the discussion board, the top 10 things you need to bring with you for a relaxed, trouble-free day at the Disneyland resort are: Money

396 pure, unadulterated, dyed-in-the-wool, 100% made-up, completely fake disneyland "facts" [Amazon]

The Disneyland “fact” book to end all fact-books from Disney Lies

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  1. Two maybe-too-great-to-be-true stories I got from Disneyland employees I know:

    1. An attendant for the Indiana Jones ride decided he was ready to quit. On his way out from his last shift, the khaki-clad gentleman took a detour through the nearby Aladdin Storytime Theater show. When the show was just starting to open with its traditional "genie coming out of the lamp" routine, he leapt onstage and grabbed the lamp, declared "THIS BELONGS IN A MUSEUM!" and ran off.

    2. On slow days amorous young couples are known to favor the "It's a Small World" ride as a place to make out, oblivious to the hidden cameras throughout the ride. One day some ride operators noticed a girl fellating her boyfriend in an otherwise-empty boat. Naturally, the ride operators started placing bets on whether she was a spitter or a swallower. After finishing she began to lean over the side of the boat as if to spit, whereupon one of the operators who bet on "swallow" grabbed the intercom mic and announced "PLEASE DO NOT SPIT OFF THE SIDE OF THE BOATS."

  2. I doubt the first, if only because Indiana Jones is Paramount, and therefore doesn't show up in Disneyland.

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